


I Was Lost (For You To Find)

by LadyReylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternative Universe - Adoption, Angst, But not as much as my last AU, F/M, I promise, Infertility, More tags to follow, Single Parent Rey, Single Parents, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:15:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 90,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23899594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyReylo/pseuds/LadyReylo
Summary: “On Friday we received a visit from a man and his lawyer.” Mr Kenobi opened the folder on his desk. Rey instantly recognised it, her eyes widening, dread filling her.“What... what do you mean? What is going on?” She said, her tone firm. Whatever this was, if it involved her son, she needed to know the truth now.“His name is Benjamin Solo. And he claims his son was illegally put up for adoption eleven years ago without his consent.”-----Adoption AU
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, background Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 1571
Kudos: 1819





	1. Chapter One

Rey sat in Mr Kenobi’s office, her knee bouncing erratically. It was a nice room, with cream walls, soft carpet, a light pine desk and chairs that matched. It was formal without being intimidating.

Colourful posters littered the walls, filled with a combination of information and pictures. Some aimed at adults, but most for children. She nervously looked around the room she knew well, her eyes lingering on the corner where various toys were stashed; she bet the kids liked that. She could imagine a toddler playing with the blocks while the grown-ups talked.

She’d sat in this room before for countless interviews and meetings, but today was different.

The door handle turned, and Rey jumped to her feet, quickly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear then smoothing down her blouse, rubbing the clamminess from her hands on her jeans.

One of the assistants walked in carrying a bag, then held open the door for a man to enter behind them. This was it, Rey told herself. Ben Kenobi carefully walked in, glancing down at the bundle of blankets in his arms before looking up at her.

“Rey, say hello to your son.” Ben’s voice was calm and gentle, and Rey’s breath caught in her throat. The paperwork had all been signed - everything had been organised and confirmed with the birth mother earlier - but it still was a shock to her.

She hesitated for a moment before stepping forward, her arms out and ready to hold the tiny baby. Her son.

Her world had changed. The room faded away, noises disappeared. Suddenly the only thing she could focus on was him.

He was so small. She was almost scared she would break him as the older man carefully placed him in her arms. She could only see his head poking out from the soft fabrics and how snuggly he was wrapped up in them, but she knew he was perfect.

A tiny mouth, his top lip forming a flawless cupid’s bow that she wanted to trace with her pinky finger. His eyes were closed, making him look so peaceful, the tiny slits of his lids were lined with dark and surprisingly long eyelashes. Thin wisps of black hair were hinted at in his eyebrows which were relaxed on a smooth brow.

It was his nose was that made her heart stop in her chest. It was cute, and rounded, and pronounced, taking up most of the attention on his tiny face. Her finger delicately ran down it. He had a strong nose, she thought with a smile, already picturing it and how many times she would have to tell him he’d grown into it.

He wriggled in her arms, making small snuffling sounds as he stirred and woke up, his eyebrows pinching together.

Rey gasped at the large almond shaped eyes at stared up at her. They were a brilliant hazel brown, so similar to her own, even with a hint of gold and green around the outside. Yes. This was her son. Maybe not in blood, but she was his mother. And she would do anything for him.

He fussed for a moment before blinking slowly and closing his eyes again, falling back to sleep.

“How are you feeling, Miss Johnson?” Mr Kenobi asked, his soft voice pulling her out of her daze.

“He’s perfect.” She said wetly, not letting her teary eyes move away from her son for even a second. “Thank you, Mr Kenobi.”

“That’s quite alright.” Ben went over the aftercare schedule, the required follow-up visits, Rey just nodded along, already knowing the details and unable to focus on anything else but the baby in her arms. “You’re going to make a wonderful mother, Rey.” He said as he finished.

Rey sniffed, quickly wiping away the tear that had fallen down her cheeks. “I hope so.” She whispered.

“I know so.” Ben smiled, his hand resting on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. “Do you have a name for him?”

She nodded slowly. “I’m going to name him after my father.” Her voice sounded far away, and it surprised her, having not decided until that moment that that was what she wanted to do. “Rian. I’m going to call him Rian.”

11 Years Later

Rey sat at her desk, her knee bouncing as she scrolled through the computer, finding the right part she needed on the website and clicking to order it. It was a slow Monday, which she was grateful for as it gave her time to sort through the admin in the office while Rose and Finn worked on the cars in the garage.

She didn’t like the paperwork side to the job, preferring to get her hands dirty and fixing things, but it was a necessary evil. And as her business had grown over the last ten years, from a one woman workshop, to a three person operation, she knew she shouldn’t really complain.

Just as she was about to stand up, her phone buzzed on the desk. Leaning over to grab it, her forehead crinkled up at the name on the screen. Swiping to answer, she held the phone to her ear.

“Hello, Mr Kenobi, how are you?” It had been months since they had last spoken, and she was thrilled to get the chance to catch up.

“Rey, how many times have I told you to call me Ben?”

“I know, I know. Maybe next time.” She teased. “How can I help? Do you want me and Rian to meet some prospective parents?”

Over the past decade, Rey had helped Ben many times by meeting with dozens of people wanting to adopt, or alternatively, thinking of giving their baby up for adoption. She would meet up with them, sometimes at the Kenobi Adoption Agency, sometime at their homes, and share her experiences, make them understand the gravity of the decision from both sides.

Most of the mothers were young, younger than her. The same way most of the prospective parents she met were older than her, in their late thirties or early forties, and were shocked when she told them she had an eleven-year-old son. Then she explained her upbringing, her experience in the foster system, and how she longed for a family. That she was fortunate enough to be left some money from an unknown grandfather aged eighteen that meant she had the stability to offer a child in need.

When she had initially met with Ben Kenobi, is was to discuss fostering, but after a long conversation, something had clicked in Ben’s mind and he told her about a woman that still wasn’t sure if she was going to give up her baby, due in a month’s time. He had asked if Rey would be interested in adoption instead.

Ben explained the adoption was too up in the air for him to feel comfortable giving it to any of his other prospective parents. A mother changing her mind last minute was always heart breaking, and he hated doing that to hopeful applicants. But Rey… Rey wouldn’t have been devastated if it all fell through, being young and keen to help in any way she could. And if she was honest with herself, adopting was the end goal after spending a few years fostering anyway. She agreed and a month later, Rian was placed in her arms. She almost felt guilty for how easy it was for her, especially now she knew how unlucky lots of people are before they finally adopt.

“Actually, are you able to come in today, alone? Something… there is something important I need to discuss with you.” Ben’s usually friendly voice was tinged with something she couldn’t place. It worried her.

“Sure. I can come by this afternoon, is 2pm okay?” She hoped everything was okay, Ben had been the closest thing to a father figure she had, and the fear that he might be in trouble or sick… Rey tried not to think about it; there was no point worrying prematurely.

“Thank you, Rey, I really appreciate you coming in as soon as possible.” They said a quick bye and Rey went back to work, trying not to think too hard about what was wrong and why Ben sounded so… so upset.

Later, Rey drove the twenty miles into the next town to meet with Ben at the adoption agency offices. An anxiety crept through her, and she had to keep telling herself not to be paranoid. It was probably a regular meeting and she was just freaking herself out over nothing. Maybe Ben hadn’t sounded weird on the phone and it was just her imagination. But Rey prided herself on her gut feelings, and this felt bad.

“Thank you for coming in so quickly, Rey.” Ben Kenobi was waiting for her in the reception, ushering her into his familiar office before she even had chance to say hi to Ahsoka. She was getting more worried, chewing on the edge of her thumb nail as she waited for Ben to sit down. His small smile wasn’t putting her at ease.

“What’s wrong, Ben?” Rey pushed, not one to beat around the bush. “Do you need me to take in a child?”

On very rare occasions, Rey had looked after emergency foster children while Ben organised a more permanent home for them. It was always a stressful and upsetting time for the child and the agency, but that didn’t explain the sorrow that seemed to be radiating around the office today. Ahsoka hadn’t even look at her when she arrived… Rey’s gut was right. Something was very wrong.

“I have some very difficult news, Rey.” Her knee stopped bouncing where she sat. Oh no, he was sick? Is that why he wanted to see her in person? She felt the colour drain from her face at what was becoming a very real possibility.

He continued. “In all my years doing this job, I had never imagined something like this could happen.” Rey held her breath. She didn’t know what he was talking about, but the way his shoulders dropped, the way his shaking hand came up to run over his white beard as he tried to school his features, she was worried. “Especially not to you. I’m so sorry, Rey.”

“You’re scaring me.” She reached over to hold his hand, but he pulled away to reach a file, placing it on the centre of the desk.

“On Friday we received a visit from a man and his lawyer.” Ben opened the folder and Rey instantly recognised it as Rian’s. Her eyes widened, dread filling her.

“What... what do you mean? What is going on?” She said, her tone firm. Whatever this was, if it involved her son, she needed to know the truth now.

“His name is Benjamin Solo. He claims his son was illegally put up for adoption eleven years ago without his consent.”

Rey shook her head, her hands felt heavy in her lap. “No.” She whispered in denial, looking down at the folder. “No.” Her voice was louder this time, glaring at the old man as if this was a twisted joke.

“He is Rian’s father.”

Rey stood up suddenly, her chair toppling over. She just ignored it, pacing back and forth, her mind whirling with this information. Her hands were dangling at her side, her chest tight as it begged for air when she realised she wasn’t breathing.

“It was a closed adoption. No contact whatsoever. You… you told me his father was dead! That it was just the mother.” She hissed, pointing a finger accusingly. No, there had to be some mistake, she concluded. “How do we even know he is who he says he is? How do we know he’s not lying?” She felt herself getting angry, unhinged. This was just some sick joke, she told herself. This man, this stranger, was not getting near her son.

“We have his details from the mother as part of the adoption process, to ensure all potential claims are accounted for. The mother truly believed he had died serving in the military just after she found out she was pregnant. We even had a copy of the death certificate.” Ben turned a few pieces of paper in the file over to show Rey, as if it mattered anymore. “Everything was done correctly.”

“Then how did this dead man suddenly turn up on your doorstep, Ben?” Rey snapped at him, feeling bad when he winced.

“Only recently was it discovered that he was in fact a prisoner of war.” There was a sorrow in his voice that Rey hadn’t expected. She didn’t know if it was for her or this stranger, and if she was honest, she was too angry to care.

“A prisoner of war?” She felt sick. She had to sit down. Bending down to pick up the chair she had knocked over, she perched on the edge of it. “That doesn’t matter though, does it? He doesn’t have a claim, it’s still a closed adoption.” She said, sounding more desperate as she spoke. “It… it’s been eleven years.”

Ben sighed. And Rey squeezed her eyes shut tightly. She knew that sigh.

“Just say it.” She practically spat out. Her rage obvious.

“As this type of adoption needed both parents to give consent, and he did not, I’m afraid, as his father, Benjamin Solo has a legal claim to Rian.” Rey lashed out, her foot kicking his desk, making the older man flinch. She knew her behaviour was becoming violent, but it seemed preferable then screaming at the man who was in his eighties in a small office.

“He is not his father!” She sneered. “How did he even find out?”

“It seems the mother, upon discovering he was alive, reached out to him, feeling guilty. She shared the details about which agency she used and he came here the next day.” Ben explained calmly. “Right now, Mr Solo doesn’t know Rian is his son, just that we are the ones who arranged his adoption.”

“Good. How can we keep it that way?”

“I’m afraid I can’t. At the end of the day, I am legally required to provide Mr Solo and his lawyer with all the details on Rian’s adoption.”

The world shifted. The anger vanished, replaced with resolve.

Rian was her son. He was her everything. That adorable boy, with his goofy grin, excitable enthusiasm, and sassy humour. He was hers, and no stranger was going to walk in and take him away from her.

Her mind worked a mile a minute, working out how much money should could take out of the business and leave. Poe had family in Ohio, they could easily head there. She’d changed her name before, she could do it again…

“You can’t run away from this, Rey.” Ben said, seemingly reading her thoughts. “I am deeply sorry. You know I adore you and Rian. You are one of my proudest stories and it pains me to have let you down like this. We will do everything in our power to get you equal custody until Rian is eighteen. We have already contacted a lawyer who is willing to fight your case, but if you run away now you could lose everything.”

“Equal custody?” She barked. “I have been there for eleven years. I have dealt with every nappy, every cold, every scrapped knee, every temper tantrum. And you expect me to just lay back and accept equal custody with this man who just waltzed in and claims to be his father?” Rey crossed her arms over her chest. “No. I refuse. I don’t care what your lawyer says. I know what is best for my son, and it is not whoever this man is.”

“Damn it, Rey.” Her eyebrows shot to her hairline at Ben’s sudden raised voice, his calm and gentle presence gone for the first time Rey could recall. “Sorry.” He apologised for his outburst. “You need to slow down. I’m sorry to do this to you, truly, I am. But you need to sit and listen.” Rey took a few long breaths, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m afraid, equal custody is the _best-case_ scenario, Rey. Mr Solo has every right to take your son away _tonight_ , but we’ve spoken to him and he agreed that he won’t. He understands that you are Rian’s mother and knows doing that would only cause pain for everyone involved.” Ben explained, Rey scowled, but listened, her options quickly disappearing. “He wants to meet with you first and plan out the best way to be introduced into his son’s life, no lawyers involved.”

“And if I refuse?” She asked through her clenched jaw.

“Then the lawyer will file paperwork to have Rian will live with his father until the court decides custody.” He said simply, as if it wouldn’t shatter her whole universe.

Rey sat back slowly, trying to keep her breathing steady and going through everything in her mind.

“I guess I don’t have a choice.” She said, bitterly. “When does he want to meet?”

“He’s next door.”

“Fine.” Rey nodded reluctantly. “But I want to speak to your lawyer first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! My new story. I hope you liked this first chapter, I promise the rest of them will be longer. 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and kudos! 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter and other platforms: [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	2. Chapter Two

Rey was once again waiting in Mr Kenobi’s office. A room she was so familiar with, it was a comforting room, some of her happiest memories happened in this room. But today… today she hated it. She was itching to leave, to get in her car, grab her son, and drive as far away from this room as possible. She wanted to be proactive, to make her own choices, but the law was forcing her to sit there and accept her worst nightmares come to life. The urge to run was close to winning.

But it didn’t. It couldn’t.

She was a responsible parent and adult and she had to act like it. And, Rey reminded herself, the lawyer she had just spoken to, Amilyn, had explained that Rey’s hands were basically tied and if she didn’t play nice to start with, she could force Benjamin Solo and his lawyer to take irreversible actions.

So, there she was, chewing on her thumbnail and waiting for Benjamin Solo.

God, she hated him already. Whoever this man was, he was going to ruin her son’s life. Her son who used to cry because he didn’t understand why he didn’t have a dad like the other kids at school. Her son who she taught didn’t need a father to become a strong and kind man. Her son who she would have to go home to and turn his life upside down during some of the most important years of his life.

The first rule of parenting was not to contradict yourself, and that’s exactly what this man was coming in and doing.

The door opened and she stood up, watching with narrowed eyes as Ben Kenobi came in first, Solo following two steps behind.

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but it shocked her how much Benjamin Solo looked like Rian, her throat turning dry and her chest tight at his appearance, as if all the oxygen and moisture in her body had vanished at the sight of his large frame.

The first thing she noticed was how tall he was. Almost awkwardly tall, like Rian, who, while still shorter than her, had inches on the other kids at school. But Solo was all muscle. He was military, she reminded herself, so it shouldn’t have surprised her much to see an obviously fit man.

Then she saw how well dressed he was. A suit and tie. Like he was about to go into a business meeting, and she supposed he was, she thought bitterly.

He was pale, his face littered with beauty marks, and his black hair was a stark contrast to his complexion. Thick and a little straighter and longer than how Rian had it, but perfectly styled, and she knew it was to hide protruding ears that matched her sons.

His mouth was different, she noted. Rian’s lips were full, but Solo’s were even more so. She was tempted to laugh bitterly when she saw his nose, knowing now who Rian could blame for it, but all her humour vanished when she saw his eyes.

She gasped when their gazed connected. His dark eyes were so similar to her own, in shape and colour, and it caused the blood in her veins to heat. Her eyes were the only physical trait her and Rian shared. People who didn’t know he was adopted always commented on him getting his eyes from her, and while she knew it was silly, she loved that tiny connection they had. Now, knowing that it was because of this man made her angry.

“Thank you for meeting with me.” His voice was deep, commanding. It made sense given how imposing he looked, of course he would have a voice with gravitas to match. He held out his hand and she made a point of crossing her arms over her chest. A flicker of uncomfortableness crossed his face as he glanced at Ben Kenobi then the door where she knew his lawyer was waiting on the other side of.

Good, Rey thought, he deserved to feel uncomfortable for what he’s doing to her and her son.

“Mr Solo.” Her voice was clipped, but it was the best she could manage.

“Please, call me Ben.” Her frown deepened as he attempted to be nice. “And you are Rey, is that correct? Rey Johnson?”

She glared at the older Ben. He said she had until 5pm before the file was given to him, and yet he already knew who she was. As if reading her mind, the older man spoke up.

“I will leave you two alone, you have much to discuss. Mr Solo, I will prepare the file for you, and give a copy to your lawyer.” So he only told him her name. Good, she wanted to Rian protected from him as long as possible. “Rey, remember what I told you.” Play nice. Or she could lose her son.

She nodded and he left.

“I understand this is very difficult news,” Ben started, he looked as if he wanted to sit down, but she didn’t move and he clearly didn’t want to be rude. “But I wanted to start by thanking you for taking care of my son for all these years.”

His words made her wince. _His son_. Rian _was not_ his son.

“When did you find out?” She demanded, glaring at him as she elaborated. “When did you find out that you had a son?” She was being short with him. She knew she had to play nice, but the idea of laying down for this stranger in the hopes that he will maybe let her have shared custody made her skin crawl.

He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face as he thought over the question, and Rey noted the flash of an expensive watch on his wrist and cufflinks. He obviously had money, and that didn’t bode well for her. “Ten, no, eleven days ago.” His voice seemed to vibrate around the small offices’ walls.

“Eleven days.” She repeated to herself. “I’ve been his mother for _eleven years_.” Rey sneered before realising she needed to calm down. She paced back and forth, focusing on her breathing. “You can’t just walk in here after eleven years and take him away from me. The law may be on your side, but I am his mother and any court or jury will see that!”

She must have surprised him, because it took a moment for Ben to absorb her words as he stood, blinking a few times at her, his mouth hanging open slightly, stunned. “Miss Johnson, I have no intention of taking this to court. I don’t want to take my son away from the woman who raised him. I just want to get to know him.” Ben tried to explain, his freakishly large hands gesturing cautiously in front of him, like he was trying to tame a wild animal. She supposed that’s how she looked to him, pacing manically, fists clenched at her side, ready to lash out at any moment.

“Why? Can’t you start a family of your own, instead of stealing mine?” She snapped. This wasn’t going like she had planned. “Or is this just super convenient for you, this way you get to skip all the dirty nappies and crying?”

He ignored her. “I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to be involved in my child’s life. And as his mother, I want to do this with your permission, your guidance.” She stared at him for what felt like forever. Her permission? He was acting as if her hands weren’t tied already. “I have already spoken to several child psychologists and they all agree that I need to move at a pace both you and my son are comfortable with.”

“Psychologists?” She didn’t like that sound of that, but by the sounds of it, whoever he had spoken to had bought her some time to prepare Rian.

Ben sighed, sitting down, his hand wrapping around the arm of the chair anxiously. Rey followed his lead and slowly sat down. She felt awful for being so rude to anyone like this, but she had to remind herself that this wasn’t just a regular man. Sure, he just wanted to know his child, but that was her child, so she was bound to be on edge. He was a threat, and she didn’t handle people threatening her son well.

“Yes. I want to do this right, Miss Johnson.” His jaw worked as he was thinking, and Rey took another moment to look him over. He didn’t look like he had been a prisoner of war for over ten years, although she wasn’t sure what exactly that would have looked like anyway. She noticed the hint of a scar on his cheek, but it was so thin it could have just been the lighting in the room. “With your help, of course.”

“My help?” She echoed. He seemed… reasonable. Although she reminded herself not to let her guard down. There was a lawyer with all the right paperwork already filled out, ready to go to her home at 5pm and take her son away if she did or said the wrong thing.

“This is my only chance, Miss Johnson.” His voice was low, but she could make out the sadness that filled his words. “I’d rather not use the other means at my disposal.” Rey tensed. He knew his options and he wasn’t afraid to back her into a corner with them. She narrowed her eyes, hoping however he got that scar had hurt. “But if you leave me no choice-”

“I’ll cooperate. But I can’t say he will.” Rey’s eye flickered to the toy chest, it was the same one from all those years ago, although the toys had been updated in recent years. It was a horrible reminder that what once was a room full of joy for her, now felt like a prison cell. “Rian.” She whispered.

“I’m sorry?”

“Your son. His name is Rian.” She repeated, hoping she wouldn’t regret this. “With an i, not a y.”

“Rian.” A smile broke out over his face. A smile that was painfully familiar. “It’s nice. I like it.” He was obviously overcome with emotion as his hand came up to cover his mouth as he beamed, revealing slightly crooked teeth and dimples. He tried to hide his soft laugh, maybe it was a remnant of self esteem issues, or maybe he just knew it would be bad taste for him to find such glee while she was miserable.

“You can meet him. But not tonight.” He nodded eagerly, unable to keep the happiness off his face despite her pain. “I need to talk to him, give him time to absorb... this. He has lived his whole life not needing a father. It might take a while before he even wants to see you... Maybe this weekend?” She was trying to buy some more time, so she could speak to Amilyn in person, so she could figure out all her options, but he wasn’t going to let her.

“I’d like to see him tomorrow night.” He leaned forward in his chair, a hand smoothing over his tie, he probably didn’t even realise he had done it, but it was a subtle reminder that he held the power here. In five minutes he would have all of Rian’s details anyway, including their address, and he could simply drive over and take him, despite what he said about not wanting to separate them. She had to agree with him or risk pissing him off.

Reluctantly, she nodded. “Okay. Dinner. At my house. 6pm. But if he asks you to leave, you have to leave.”

“I understand. Thank you, Miss Johnson. I really appreciate your cooperation.” He said, standing and extending his hand out again for her to shake. She ignored it.

“It’s not like I have a choice.” She muttered, picking up her bag and walking out of the room. She passed Kenobi as he was handing a manila folder over to a tall gentleman with thinning grey hair, wearing a suit and a stern expression. Solo’s lawyer, Rey guessed.

Getting in her car before anyone could catch up with her, she drove back to the garage, found the thickest tire she could and pushed it onto the concrete floor with a satisfying thud. Ignoring Rose and Finn’s concerned expressions as she found a sledgehammer.

She brought it up over her head and down onto the rubber, over and over again, until her arms couldn’t lift it again and her throat burned from screaming.

\-----

Rey was grateful Rian had chess club on Mondays which meant she didn’t need to pick him up until 5.30pm. It had given her an extra hour to go over everything and figure out a plan of action.

When she had calmed down, she had explained everything to Finn and Rose. The tears had come and they each took turns hugging her and saying supportive things. It was nice to have such good friends, especially as Finn’s husband was a lawyer. Not family law, but it couldn’t hurt to have more legal professionals on her side. She had felt temporarily better as the three of them bitched about Ben Solo with increasingly harsh words.

But now, as she sat waiting in her car, watching Rian run over, his bag pack slung over one shoulder, his face excited with something he would no doubt tell her as soon as he got in the car… Rey realised she was fucked.

“Hey, how was chess club?” She hoped he didn’t notice the wobble in her voice as her knuckled turned white around the steering wheel.

“It was great, Mom.” He stuffed his bag down by his feet and started to fasten his seatbelt. “Mr Kin said we’re going to have a movie night next week and watch this documentary on Magnus Carlsen.”

“Is he the one who can bend metal with his mind?” Rey wrinkled her nose, teasing him as she pulled out of the school car park. She knew her son was smart, smarter than her, and would no doubt know it in a few years, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t fun for her to tease him into exasperation while he still didn’t realise what she was doing.

Rian groaned. “That’s Magneto. Magnus Carlsen is the Norwegian chess _genius_. He became a grandmaster at thirteen.” His admiration was obvious. “Thirteen!”

“I’m sure you could beat him.” Rey said, earning her a snort.

“Yeah, right. He could probably beat me in, like, two moves.” Rian pulled out his phone and stopped talking. Glancing over she could see he was on Instagram. She would log in later and check on his friends and what they were doing. The teachers had been really helpful with how parents could handle their kids on social media apps, and while Rey didn’t want to smoother him, she had set very clear boundaries for him on Instagram and TikTok, which included sharing his passwords and limiting his phone usage in the evenings. He never really argued, most of his friends’ parents had similar rules as well so he never felt hard done by.

“Hey, I thought we could get pizza tonight. What do you say?” She said, trying to get his attention.

“Why?” Rian asked, not looking up from his phone.

“I thought it would be nice, besides, we don’t have much food in the house anyway.” Rey said, trying to keep her tone casual.

“Does that mean I don’t have to go grocery shopping with you?” Monday night was usually when they went to the store to buy their food for the week, and Rian coming with her and helping was part of his chores for his allowance.

“You can get out of it this week.”

“Cool. Can we get a vegetarian one?” He asked, trying to be nonchalant but Rey knew that tone.

“Oh? You don’t want pepperoni? I thought that was your favourite.” She asked, mirroring his innocent tone.

“I want to be a vegetarian.” He put his phone away and looked at her, flicking his curly hair out of his eyes. It was getting so long now. Long and untameable.

“Okay. I can stop buying meat for a little while.” Rey glanced at him with a smile. She wanted to be supportive, knowing that she really didn’t want to argue with him over something as trivial as eating meat. Not when tonight was going to be hard enough already.

Rey let Rian order when they got home and they soon sat down on the sofa, with some cartoon Rian liked on the tv in the background, as they both grabbed a slice of pizza. “So, what inspired this decision?” Rey asked as she took a bite of the ‘Veggie Supreme’. She had to admit, it was actually quite tasty. Especially with the extra cheese.

“Nothing.”

Rey smiled. She knew what that meant.

There was a girl in his class, the one with the black hair and the red clip-in hair extension. Amy? Ana, Rey remembered. She had asked about her before and got a horrified reaction from Rian in the past, his ears burning the same shade of crimson as the streak in his crush’s hair. Rey would bet good money that Ana was a vegetarian.

Rey straightened her back, putting down her slice onto the plate. Here goes nothing.

“Rian. I have an ulterior motive for pizza.” Her son looked at her but didn’t stop chewing. “I got a phone call from Mr Kenobi today.”

He groaned around his mouthful. “Do I ‘aff to?” Rian didn’t mind meeting prospective parents, usually because they went out for lunch after as a treat. But as he got older, he wanted to spend his weekends with his friends, not talking to strangers who were always commenting on how nice and well-mannered he was like he wasn’t there and couldn’t hear them.

“It’s not about that.” She said quickly, taking a deep breath and trying to sound normal. God, she wished it had just been for another visit. Rey took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her throat. “He called me this afternoon to meet with someone. Someone you’re related to.”

His nose wrinkled up. “My birth mom?” He hadn’t asked about his birth mom in years, so it seemed right that he didn’t seem keen at the idea now.

“No. Actually, it was your... Your father.” Her chest felt tight. She felt sick, regretting that bite of pizza now.

She watched as Rian’s face morphed from distain to shock to excitement. She didn’t realise how much that last one would hurt.

“My dad?” She nodded, her mouth a tight line. “He’s alive?”

“There was a mistake. Lots of people thought he had died, he- he was a solider. But it turns out he was alive all this time. But he had been held captive by some bad people who wouldn’t let him come home.” His eyes lit up as she explained, and Rey forced herself to smile. “But, yes, he is alive.”

“And he wants to meet me?”

“Of course, he does. You’re-” She swallowed hard. “You’re his son. In fact, he’s really excited to meet you.” So excited he had already scheduled it, she thought bitterly.

“Did you meet him?” She nodded again, humming her response, her cheeks hurting from the fake smile. “Really? What’s he like?”

Rey choked out a sob as she laughed. Of course, he would be excited to meet his dad. What boy doesn’t want a father? “He’s tall.” She said, feeling numb. Of course, she would never be enough for her son. “He, er, he has dark hair like you. Although his is straight.” She ruffled his hair and poked his nose. “And you can thank him for your nose.” Rian laughed and shoved at her hands to stop her from touching him.

“Mom! When can I meet him? Is he here? Is that why we got pizza?” His words were hurried, and he almost stumbled over a few of them in his excitement.

“Tomorrow. He’s coming round for dinner tomorrow night.” She tried her hardest to sound cheery, so he didn’t notice anything was wrong. If he was happy, then she had to pretend to be as well. This was an important moment for him, and if he thought she was angry or upset about it, he could resent her for trying to stop him from getting to know his father in the future. “Is that okay?” She asked, a small part of her wanting him to say no, despite his obvious enthusiasm.

“Yeah!” Rian grabbed another slice of pizza and took a massive bite. “’an we get pizza ‘gain?” He asked, his mouth full.

“No, I’ll cook.” Rey told him, her hand coming up to shut his jaw as he chewed. “You know… You don’t have to meet him if you don’t want to. This is big news, and you don’t have to see him right away.” Rey explained, silently pleading. “Maybe you could talk to him on the phone? If you don’t think you’re ready-”

He swallowed quickly. “I’m ready. I want to meet him.” His eyes shone and Rey knew she couldn’t deny him this opportunity, not matter how hard it would be for her. “What kind of solider was he? Did he fly planes?”

“You’ll have to ask him yourself.” Rey teased, reaching for her drink on the coffee table and discretely sniffing and wiping away a tear. “But he might not be comfortable talking about it, you’ll have to be careful what you ask, Rian.”

“That is so cool. I bet he can use a gun.” Rey wanted to roll her eyes. She wished the gun phase would be over, but since his friends had introduced him to Fortnite, his interest in weapons had quickly increased.

After dinner, Rian went to his room to talk to his friends and play that stupid game on his computer, leaving Rey alone to wash up their plates. It didn’t take long to wipe down and rinse two dishes, and soon she was curled up on the sofa, a glass of wine sat in front of her as she messaged Finn, Poe and Rose on their group chat, updating them on Rian’s reaction to the news.

Poe, ever the helpful man with a lack of tact, had sent her a few webpages he had found, and soon Rey was six news stories deep, hating Ben Solo and his stupidly handsome face, his heroic military career, and his stupidly powerful and rich family.

Downing the rest of her glass, Rey re-read the same sentence for the tenth time. Her eyes narrowing at the familiar names.

_Marine, Benjamin Solo, returned home on July 4th 2019 to his mother, Leia Organa, the Governor of California, and his father, celebrated pilot, Han Solo._

Yep… She was well and truly fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so Rey has met Ben... I hope you don't hate him as much as she does right now!
> 
> Don't forget to comment and kudos! 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter here: [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	3. Chapter Three

Taking the day off work had been a bad idea. Initially Rey thought having extra time to clean their flat, make some phone calls, and go shopping for the extra food she needed to bake the vegetable lasagne for later was a good idea, but it was barely lunchtime and she had done all the chores and was left staring at the kettle that had just boiled, her mind spinning with every worst case scenario she could think of.

What if Ben Solo took one look at her small two bedroom flat on the outskirts of Pasadena and thought he could provide better and told Rian to pack his bags? What if during dinner she said the wrong thing and Ben filed for custody the next day? What if Ben changed his mind and thought he didn’t need a son, so she was left to pick up the pieces of a distraught rejected pre-teen who just wanted to get to know his dad? That had to be the worst possible outcome, Rey realised, the one that would hurt Rian the most.

Amilyn on the phone had been very positive. She had gotten in touch with Solo’s lawyer, a gentleman called Enric Pryde, and they had agreed they were on the same page at the moment, putting Rian’s wellbeing first and moving at his pace - although Amilyn had warned Rey that Ben may be keeping notes of any failings as a mother so to be wary and hide things like alcohol and prescription drugs and sex toys in case Ben went snooping. Rey had thought it was ridiculous but the longer she dwelled on it, the more she started to worry about the long term.

Ben wanted to move slowly at first, to make sure Rian was comfortable, but what would happen when Rian was used to having a father in his life? What if her son wanted to spend more and more time with him and Ben suddenly sprung into action and used to laws that were on his side to take him away?

With a shaky hand, she poured the hot water into the teapot and waited for it to brew. Rian had been her life for eleven years, she couldn’t lose him.

With the lasagne made, and just needing reheating, Rey went to pick Rian up from school. He didn’t have any afterschool clubs on Tuesdays, which meant she had a couple hours alone with him before Ben came over.

“Mom, did you know Mr Solo is son of _Han Solo_?” He said excitedly as he got in the car. Rian’s love of planes had developed after she had shown him how car engines worked when he was nine. Car engines turned into plane engines and soon she was taking him to LAX once a month so he could watch the planes take off and land, excitedly pointing out the types of planes they were and how they worked. “He was the Miracle of Kessel Run pilot!”

“How did you find that out?” She had been hoping to let him get used to having a father before throwing grandparents into the mix.

“Google. Ana said her dad knew someone who was on that plane. How cool is that?” Rian was enthralled, talking about the Kessel Run landing and how Captain Han Solo had to make an emergency landing in Kessel National Park after birds had struck the engines of the commercial plane two minutes after take off. His fast thinking and heroic actions had saved hundreds, if not thousands, of lives as he safely landed on a long strip of land usually used by runners in the park.

“Very cool. Although I imagine it was very scary at the time.” Rey commented as she merged into traffic. “Did you have a chance to write down then questions you wanted to ask Mr Solo so I can have a look at them?” It was one thing Ben Kenobi had suggested when she spoke to him that morning before she dropped Rian at school.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to read them out to me?” She didn’t have to look over at him to know he was shrugging as he made a non-committal noise. “Come on, I want to hear them. They could be the same as the ones on my list, we don’t want to ask him the same thing twice.” She tried to encourage him.

“You have a list as well?”

“Of course.” She lied.

He shifted in his seat and pulled out a notepad from his backpack. Flicking through the pages, she glanced down and saw lots of doodles until he reached the last page that was covered in writing, most crossed out in dark scribbled lines where he had changed his mind, but a few written neatly that he was keen to know the answers to. “Number one.” She smiled to herself at his preparedness. Her sweet, beautiful, smart boy. It was obvious how excited and nervous he was. “What did you do in the Marines? Number two - How old are you? Number three – Have you ever used a submachine gun?”

“Maybe no gun talk. At least, not tonight.” Rey was fine with her son playing with guns on video games, but she didn’t want him to become too interested in the weapons. She made a mental note to write down a few of her own questions and getting Ben’s stance on gun control would be high on it.

She heard him scribble out the question before continuing. “Number four – Do I have any brothers or sisters? Number five – When is your birthday?” She had to chuckle to herself as he went on. His mixture of topics and personal detail was chaotic, and clearly the thoughts of an eleven-year-old boy. And maybe his female friend, Rey noted when he asked if Ben was vegetarian. Rian read out fifteen questions before they got home, and she only have to reject one other one, about getting a pet dog which Rian knew he was being cheeky to ask in the first place.

Rian changed as soon as he got in, and bought out a pile of his favourite books and some photo albums, another thing Ben Kenobi had recommended, this evening was about Rian, not her hurt feelings, she had to keep reminding herself. Then she got him to help cut the cucumber for the salad she was preparing.

“Where’s the knife?” He asked, opening and shutting the cutlery drawer.

“It’s right there.”

“Where?” He spun around and Rey rolled her eyes.

“There! That one. The one I’m pointing at.” Rian continued to look around at everything except the counter where she was guiding him. “The one I’m pointing directly at.”

“Oh.” He picked it up from where it was in front of him and started chopping.

They stood quietly in the small kitchen area, working together to prepare dinner together. Something they had done a thousand times before. Rey looked lovingly across at him and had to force herself not to cry as she enjoyed this peaceful moment. This was the last time she would be his one and only parent.

The knock on the door made her jump and Rian looked up at her, his eyes wide. With excitement or panic, she couldn’t tell.

“Go. Answer the door.” She encourage him as she grabbed the salad bowl with both hands, hoping it hid how they were trembling, and went to the small dining table where she could stand back and watch Rian as he met his father for the first time.

He looked back at her one last time and she gave him a thumbs up and a tight smile as he reached for the door handle.

“Woah.” Her mouth dropped and formed a tight line as she watched her son’s head tilt up and up. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting his father to be that tall.

Ben Solo wasn’t in the suit he wore yesterday, instead he had opted for a pair of faded black jeans and a black sweater, the sleeves pushed up his forearms to show off his expensive watch. Good. She wasn’t sure her son would have reacted well to seeing him in a suit. It would have been much too formal.

“Hello. Are you- Rian?” There was apprehension in Ben Solo’s voice, but all she could do was watch as this man took in his son and began to notice all the similarities she had seen yesterday. Their resemblances were uncanny, and there was no doubting he was Rian’s father, much to her dismay.

Rian nodded, stepping aside to let him in, but the older man lingered in the doorway. It didn’t take a genius to see how overcome with emotion he was, lost in his own thoughts as his dark eyes were trained on Rian’s face like he couldn’t quite believe this was real.

“Hello.” Her son shifted his weight from one foot to the other and Rey knew she had to step in.

“Mr Solo, thank you for coming.” He blinked. Then blinked again, recovering from whatever daydream he was lost in.

“Yes. Thank you for having me.” Regaining his manners, he stepped inside and that’s when Rey noticed the bag in his hand. “I… I bought you these, Miss Johnson.” He announced, a hand dipping inside the bag and retrieving a bunch of multicoloured tulips. Rey took them, thanking him again as her eyes narrowed in on the large logo on an apple on the side of the bag, making it obvious what the rest of the contents was. “And Rian, I… I know I just missed your birthday, but I hope this makes up for it.”

She could only watch in horror as Rian peeked inside. “Oh my god! Mom, look at what Mr Solo got me!” She plastered on a fake smile as he pulled out a large box, a picture of an iMac screen on the side of it.

“That’s amazing.” She said, her jaw clenched as her eyes burned with fury.

“I’m not sure if you already had one, but the guy in the store said this was the latest model.” Ben said, leaning down to pull open the bag so Rian could look inside again.

“No way!” Rian exclaimed and Rey felt a stab in her gut as he lifted a smaller box with a shiny new iPhone inside. “Thank you so much, Mr Solo. This is incredible! Look, Mom! Now I don’t have to wait until you get an upgrade!” Her son’s excitement only made it worse.

“That’s so great, Rian.” She knew she sounded strangled as she spoke, her trying to keep the bubbling up anger at bay. Clearing her throat, she caught Ben’s eye. “A word?” Ben straightened and Rey tried to pretend she didn’t see the confusion that crossed his face. “Rian, how about you go _carefully_ put Mr Solo’s very generous presents in your room?”

Crossing her arms over her chest, she waited until her son was gone before glaring at the man standing on the other side of her living room.

“How dare you!” She hissed, being careful not to let Rian hear her. “You can’t just come in here, bringing expensive gifts like that without talking to me first!”

He seemed genuinely shocked at her anger. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand-”

“That’s right. You don’t understand.” She spat at him. “I have raised Rian to respect the value of money, he knows that he has to work hard and save if he wants to get the shiny new computer or video game he likes. He knows that people don’t just give him things for free, and then you come in and undermine me like this… He has been saving for months for a new laptop… I can’t believe you just did that…”

“I don’t see what the problem here is, Miss Johnson.” The stress he put on her name made her square her shoulders. He was obviously not going to back down or apologise for this. “If he needed a new laptop, I just gave him a computer. Why can’t I treat my son to the things he needs?”

“Because I’m his mother and you should have spoken to me first.” She was tempted to waltz across the room and poke him in that overly large chest of his, but she stopped herself. Aggression would only cause more problems at this point. “I don’t want him to think this is normal, that he will get expensive gifts just because it’s his birthday.”

“I’ve missed eleven years, Miss Johnson. Eleven birthdays. Eleven Christmas’. I won’t say sorry for wanting to make up for lost time.” He took a step forward, and she wasn’t sure how it was possible for him to make it halfway across the room in a single step, but he was suddenly much too close for her liking. “And you can’t stop me from buying things for my son.” His eyes blazed with a rage that would have intimidated most people, but not her. Not when hers matched his with determination.

Despite having to crane her neck up to look at him, she held her head high. “I raised Rian to have good values. You won’t be able to buy his affections with expensive gifts, Mr Solo.” Her tone was gentle, which she knew made her words more cutting as she turned her back to him, just in time to see Rian come back into the room. “It takes more than money to be a good father.”

She didn’t see the way Ben Solo’s face fell, his jaw slack and his shoulders slumping in defeat like a man who had just had the rug pulled out from under him. She didn’t care if she was rude to him, or that his gift had been extremely generous and was probably the best gift her son had ever received, she needed to set ground rules, and just because Ben Solo had more money than she could probably dream of, spoiling Rian was still not acceptable.

\-----

“Are you a vegetarian, Rian?” Ben asked when Rey scooped a spoonful of lasagne onto his plate.

“Yeah.” Rian said, tearing off a wedge of garlic bread and dumping it on the table next to him. Rey threw him a look and he sheepishly picked it up and placed it carefully on the side of his plate instead.

“That’s great. I’m trying to eat less meat as well. How long have you been a vegetarian for?” Ben took a sip of wine as he listened intently to everything Rian offered. Rey couldn’t fault him. He was certainly interested in getting to know his son, asking all the right questions, letting Rian doing most of the talking. He was a good listener.

“A while.” Rian shrugged.

“More like a day.” Rey corrected. “We had veggie pizza last night, but the night before it was chicken fajitas.”

“Oh. Why the sudden change?”

When Rian shrugged again, feeling suddenly shy and not wanting to admit it was because of a girl, Rey spoke again. “Rian just wanted to try it and I thought it was a good idea. Would you like some more wine, Mr Solo?”

“No thank you.” Good. She wouldn’t have felt comfortable if he had more than one glass knowing he was driving home later. “So, Rian, you just started sixth grade at Windu Middle School. How are you finding it?”

“It’s good. I like my teachers. There’s a lot more work, but there’s also all these clubs.” While Rian started talking about chess club and soccer practise, Rey say back and watched as Ben nodded along, asking the odd question here and there to find out more details.

He was a handsome man, now that he wasn’t in a suit and tie, and his hair had less product in it. He had an interesting face now she was seeing it up close and relaxed, having clearly grown into his features from the photos she had seen online of him in his early twenties when his ears stuck out and his large nose and mouth overtook his face. And when he smiled and nodded along to the story Rian was telling him, he looked younger, despite the little wrinkles that formed around the corners of his eyes.

Their laughter shook her out of her thoughts, and she started to tell Ben about all the activities Rian had achieved at school. She didn’t get to brag about her son often, so it was nice to share how smart he was to someone who cared, rather than talking at Finn and Rose who she knew only nodded along out of kindness. But Ben was fully absorbed in everything she told him, and genuinely celebrated Rian’s accomplishments.

It was nice, she realised as they all sat back after desert, taking in the three of them. It almost felt like it could be normal.

They crossed the room to the sofas as Rey tidied up the dining table, she tried to put the dirty plates in the sink quietly enough that she could overhear what they were talking about, but she could only make out half the words Rian said. Something about their last big holiday where they drove up the West Coast and stayed a week in Victoria, Canada.

“I wanted to fly, but we had to get the ferry so we could keep the car.” She heard Rian explain when she returned.

“Do you like flying?” Ben asked, running a hand through his hair while the other turned over the page in the photo album there were looking at.

“I’ve never actually been on one. I know lots about them though.” Rian sounded sheepish before trying to make up for his lack of experience with an encyclopaedic knowledge of planes.

“I’m sure we can change that, with your Mom’s permission, of course.” Ben looked over at her, obviously aware that he couldn’t just spring things like that on them again. Good. He was learning.

Settling into the armchair, she smiled at them. “That would be amazing.” Ben gave her a half smile in return, glad that they had come to an understanding.

“Can you fly?”

Ben shook his head. “Not legally. But my dad, your grandfather, is a pilot.”

“I know, I googled you.”

“You googled me?” Ben blinked, shocked at the phrase.

“He looked you up on his phone. There are lots of interesting facts about you online, Mr Solo.” Rey explained.

“Oh.” He cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. “Well, yes. I’m sure your grandfather would be more than happy to take you on one of his planes.”

“I can’t believe I have grandparents as well.” Rian beamed.

“Do you-” Ben hesitated, shifting on the sofa which Rey realised was not made for a man of his size, when she saw his legs crossed awkwardly at the ankles. “Do you not have any other grandparents?”

“Nope.” Rian said offhandedly, turning the pages of the photo albums until he reached the page he was after.

“It’s just us.” Rey confirmed, a small smile gracing her features.

“Do you have Thanksgiving, Mr Solo? Can we have it at yours this year?” Rian’s question knocked the wind out her. Rian had never cared about Thanksgiving before, where had his sudden interest come from?

“We’ll have to sort that out with your mother, but yes, we have Thanksgiving at my parents, and you can definitely come. Both of you.” Ben quickly added.

Rey frowned. It was always a busy time of year for her, servicing cars ready for long drives in the weeks that led up to it, then there were the emergency call outs she’d have when people’s cars wouldn’t start or had burst a tire. The extra work she did during that holiday meant she had enough to go all out at Christmas. Also, as a non-American, Rey had never had much interest in Thanksgiving anyway, and Rian had always seemed to enjoy their annual Chinese take away and movie binge. How long had Rian wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving and not told her?

“I’m sure we can talk about that closer to the time.” Rey said quickly, knowing she needed to shut that line of conversation down before she was forced to make choices she didn’t want to. “Rian, why don’t you show Mr Solo the photos from when you were a baby? I’m sure he’d like to see them.”

“Mom!” Her son groaned, but reluctantly opened the album to the start.

Ben seemed in awe of the few photos she had of Rian as a baby, his mouth going slack and his hand covering his mouth to hide his smile. It must be a habit of his, she noted.

She felt bad, she didn’t have many photos when Rian was a newborn. It was difficult enough to look after a baby on her own, let alone pause to take pictures all the time. So the few she had were what other people had taken, usually of the two of them.

“This one was taken on the day you were born.” She said softly, leaning over to point at the top left corner. Ben Kenobi had taken it, and she remember it like it was yesterday.

Rian had been in her arms for only ten minutes, but she had already forgotten what it was like to not be holding him. Ben has asked if she could take a photo for the adoption wall, and Rey didn’t know what else to do but smile up at the camera, not wanting to move her arms out of fear she would wake Rian up. This photo had been taken a minute later, while she was gazing down at her son, a toothy grin on her face and her eyes shining with tears, unaware that Kenobi had captured the moment until later. Rian looked so tiny in her arms, engulfed in blankets.

“I can’t believe you were ever this small.” Rey breathed, suddenly overcome with emotion.

Rian groaned, clearly embarrassed at his mother being so soppy, but Ben just smiled softly at her and she was grateful that he understood. Turning the page, she explained when each photo was from, telling him stories about the time Finn and Poe hired a bouncy castle for his first birthday, even though he was way too young to go on one. Turns out, the parents had more fun using it than the kids anyway.

When they reached Rian’s sixth birthday, she saw Ben’s hands shaking around the book, his knuckles white as he clutched it tightly like it was a bomb that would go off if he let go.

“Rian, didn’t you have some questions written down for Mr Solo?” She looked up and saw the anguish in Ben’s eyes. “Can you go grab them, then brush your teeth. It’s nearly bed time and I don’t want you to forget to ask them.” Rian huffed, but did as he was told, leaving Rey alone with her son’s father.

“Are you alright, Mr Solo?” She wasn’t sure what possessed her, but she slowly moved to sit down next to him, gently placing her hand on top of his and squeezing it, making him aware of how tight his grip was.

“I…” He seemed to choke on his own words, a shudder taking over him as his fingers gripped even harder on the album. “I missed so fucking much.” He finally managed through clenched teeth. She could see the way his neck was strained as he tried to keep his anger, his upset, in check.

“I know. I would be gutted if I missed one week of Rian’s life. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.” She was using her mother voice, the one Poe always made fun of her for when she used it on Finn to try and speak reason and be sympathetic at the same time. And while he nodded along to what she was saying, Rey knew it didn’t help erase how helpless and distraught he must have felt for missing his son grow up.

“I can never make it up to him.”

“It’s not like you had much of a choice, Ben.” Rey let go of his hand, tucking them in her lap, feeling like she had suddenly crossed a line by touching him. “You were locked up. Everyone thought you were dead-”

“If I’d have known… maybe I could have done more. Maybe I could have- I don’t know! I could have fought harder, for him.” He was getting angrier now, and Rey knew her son would be done brushing his teeth soon.

“But you’re fighting now. You’re here now. That’s what counts. You’ve… you’ve got plenty of time to catch up.” She assured him, hating that she was actually supporting him trying to take her son away from her.

“You’re right.” He let go of the book, looking down at the photo of Rian from Halloween when he was seven, dressed up as Harry Potter. “Fuck.” He groaned, pressing his fists into his eye sockets. “I just wish I’d known sooner…”

It was something they hadn’t discussed yet, and Rey was keen to, but now wasn’t the right time as Rian came out of the hallway, his notepad in hand.

“Right. Number one.” He started, sitting on the armchair, pen in hand, oblivious to the raw atmosphere he has just entered. “What did you do in the Marines?”

Ben laughed, straightening, and Rey could instantly see the change in him. Gone was the sadness, replaced with a confidence and air that she recognised from yesterday. This was a man who knew his shit and took pride in it. It was intense.

“I started off with the 1st Battalion, 1st Marines Weapons Company at Camp Pendleton, right here in California. Then I went on to become a Lance Corporal where I was first deployed to Afghanistan in 2005, then I served two more tours in 2006 and 2007 as Corporal, then a Sergeant. And lastly, I was a Staff Sergeant in 2009 when…” He cleared his throat and continued. “I was in a division called CAAT, Combined Anti-Armor Team. It meant I was mostly involved in armoured vehicle ground attacks.” His forehead was wrinkled up, his eyebrows pinched together as he tried to explain the complex structure of the Marine Corps to an eleven-year-old.

“Like a Humvee?”

“Yep.” Ben nodded.

“That’s so cool.” Rey didn’t have a clue what any of that meant, but clearly Rian did based on the look of awe on his face. “You must have used so many weapons.”

Ben chuckled nervously, his hand carding through his hair. “I guess. Do, er, do you know a lot about guns?” He threw Rey an odd look.

“Only from Fortnite.” Rian shrugged.

“Fortnite?” Ben looked between her and Rian, clearly unfamiliar with the word.

“You don’t know Fortnite? It’s this awesome game where you’re on an island with a bunch of other people and you have to kill them and be the last one to win.”

“It’s a video game. It’s really popular right now. Rian, I’m sure Mr Solo would love to know more about Fortnite, but perhaps some other time?” Rey said gently, knowing her son can get a little too enthusiastic about the online game and talk for hours about the different elements to it.

“Oh. Right. Sorry.” Rian looked down at his list again and asked the next question.

It soon reached 9.30pm, half an hour after Rian’s usual bedtime, and she ushered him to go to his room, leaving Ben waiting in the living room. She understood why Rian was so reluctant to go, but she assured him that Mr Solo would be back soon, and he could ask him more questions and show him how to play Fortnite then.

Switching off his bedroom light and shutting the door, she let out a sigh of relief.

The evening hadn’t gone as disastrously as she thought it might do. Ben Solo had actually been incredibly patient, and she was feeling a little less apprehensive about this being their new normal.

But she hadn’t had a chance to speak to him properly yet, and while Rian had asked all of his questions, she had plenty of her own she wanted to talk to him about before she was happy enough to arrange another dinner like this.

She sucked in a deep breath and headed back to the father of her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder how this conversation is going to go... :-S 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and kudos! 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	4. Chapter Four

Rey couldn’t remember the last time she had had a man in her flat. Well, a man who wasn’t Finn or Poe.

She was never someone who dated, not the flirting kind, or the type to even let her walls down enough that someone would consider asking her out. Then she adopted Rian and suddenly she had no interest in dating, and any man who took a particular fancy to her, were soon put off when she let it slip she was a package deal. Two for one, Finn used to joke when he tried to set her up with Poe’s lawyer friends. But she didn’t mind. Her little vibe in her drawer was all she needed in that department.

But now there was a very handsome, very tall, gentleman in her living room, and she realised that maybe she had been missing out on this aspect of her life. Maybe it was time to text Finn and see if his husband still had any single colleagues…

“Thank you, Miss Johnson. I cannot express how glad I am that you agreed to this.” He was being sincere, or maybe he just forgot that her hands were tied in this whole situation.

“I’m glad as well. Rian… he really likes you.” She sat down in an armchair and sighed. “God, I hope you’re not a prick.” She covered her eyes with her hand.

“Excuse me?”

“I spent years teaching my son he doesn’t need a father to be a good man, and then you swoop in and toss everything I’ve spent years telling him out of the window. You’re exactly the kind of father a kid like him wants. You look like him, you’re smart, you’re badass with guns and have cool military stories. Fuck, you even have grandparents who I bet will dote on him.” Rey sat back and rubbed her hand over her mouth. “You have everything I can’t give him. And now that you’ve put that in front of him… You better not be a prick and walk out the door and never come back. Not now.”

Ben stared at her as if she had sprouted an extra head. “I… I wouldn’t do that.”

“You say that now. But having a kid is tough. He might change his mind about you next week, or next month, or whenever the mood strikes him. And you better not bail the minute it gets hard, Mr Solo.” Rey spoke from experience. She may not have had any “ _You’re not my real Mom_ ” moments yet, but there had been times when she’d seen him being close to say it. Mostly when she told him to stop playing video games and go to bed.

“Please, call me Ben. Can I call you Rey?” She nodded. She only called him Mr Solo in front of Rian tonight because she didn’t want her son to feel pressured into calling Ben something neither of them were ready for. “I know you’re worried. This is obviously a very difficult and complicated time for everyone involved, and I know it’s only been twenty four hours for you, but I’ve had over a week to come to terms that I have a kid, and I want nothing more than to be in his life. I don’t care how hard it might be, I can assure you, I’ve been through worse.”

Rey shivered at his tone. She knew his past, she knew it couldn’t have been easy being a prisoner of war for over a decade, but to hear him hint at the hell he’d been through, it made her feel sick.

“Okay.” She got up and poured herself a glass of wine, despite Amilyn’s warnings to not drink in front of him or he could twist a court into thinking she had a drinking problem.

Sitting back down, she spotted the photo album on the coffee table, she picked it up and held it out to him. “Here.” He raised an eyebrow at her in a silent question. “Take it for a few days, show your parents or something. I think I wrote on the back of the photos so you’ll know when it was taken.” It was an olive branch. “But I want it back.” She quickly added.

Ben took it, carefully placing it in his lap, his large hands smoothing over the cover like it was a precious object, and she supposed to both of them, it was. It was Rian’s childhood.

“I have some questions, if that’s alright?” Ben asked, pulling out his phone.

“That’s good. So do I.” She tucked her legs up under herself and opened the notes app on her phone where she had written down a few.

“I read Rian’s file, and there wasn’t a lot about Baz in there, only a medical history. Did you know much about the pregnancy? Did Kenobi keep you informed of any details like that?”

She felt the blood drain from her, and her grip on her glass tightened as she put two and two together. “I don’t know who Baz is.” She said, her voice shaky.

Ben’s forehead creased up in confusion. “Bazine. Rian’s mother.” He stated, as if it was obvious.

“I’m Rian’s mother. Rian’s adoption was closed, so I was not privy to the birth mothers name or any details beyond a medical history. If you want more information on the pregnancy, then you’d have to speak to… to her. But I would appreciate you not telling me or Rian any further details about his birth mother until he is at least eighteen and asks himself.” She tried to keep her voice steady, staring at a spot just over his shoulder than at him directly. She knew that involving Rian’s father in their lives would mean information on the birth mother would be very easy to access all of a sudden, but she expected him to at least respect the closed adoption for what it was, and not bring it up so quickly.

He seemed to realise his mistake, his throat bobbing up and down as he swallowed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I forgot.” Rey nodded, her mouth a tight line.

“It’s fine. I’d also appreciate if you did not tell the birth mother any information about us either. If you think that is going to be too difficult for you, then I need to know now.” She hoped she was being clear enough. “While I am accepting you into Rian’s life because of this unfortunate situation we have found ourselves in, the birth mother knew exactly what she was giving up when she signed the papers.”

Ben nodded. “Of course. I won’t. I don’t see her anyway… We aren’t… She…”

“Please. Don’t talk about her again.”

“I… I just don’t know why she did it.” Ben admitted, his voice a mixture of sadness and frustration, and Rey wished he had listened and changed the subject.

Sighing, she took a sip of her drink before speaking. “The prospect of being a single mother is very scary for some people.”

“Not for you.” Ben added.

“That’s different. I’m not sure if Ben Kenobi told you, but I speak to a lot of women who are consider adoption. There are many reasons women do it, sometimes they aren’t ready to be a mother, or they can’t afford it. Sometimes it’s the best thing for the child even if it breaks their heart.” Rey gave him a soft smile, knowing it must be awful for him. “She believed you were dead, Ben. Maybe the constant reminder of seeing you in her child everyday would have hurt too much. But this is something you need to speak to _her_ about.” She hoped that was firm enough to steer him away from that subject matter.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, looking down at his phone to see the next question he had written down, but Rey spoke first.

“Guns.” She announced. “What are your thoughts on guns?”

Ben straightened and she knew the military man was back. “Sometimes they are necessary. But I don’t think war weapons are necessary outside war settings.” He said calmly. “There is no reason for a civilian to have access to AK-47’s or silencers. And while I _do_ own a firearm, it is locked in a hidden safe with a lock and passcode, and I will not be telling Rian about it.”

Rey exhaled a breath she didn’t know she was holding. While she didn’t like the idea of Rian being in a house with a gun, it seemed that Ben’s views on firearms were similar to her own. Although she didn’t own one and never would.

“Good.” Running a hand through her hair, she let out a chuckle. “He is obsessed with Fortnite, and there are all these types of guns and weapons you can get in it. I’m fine with video games, but I don’t want real weapons being glorified in front of him.”

“I agree.” Ben’s jaw worked, like he was thinking over something for a moment. Locking his phone and tucking it back into his pocket, he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “Fortnite, soccer, planes and chess. That’s quite the list of hobbies.” He let out a long stream of air, as if he was wrapping his head around the information.

“He’s a smart boy. Much smarter than me.” Rey admitted. “He must get that from you.”

He made a noise, a strangled laugh. “Hmm. I’m not that smart.” Rey wanted to roll her eyes. Everything about him screamed well educated, from his fashion choices to how he spoke. He probably went to a private school that cost more a month than she made in a year. And it wasn’t like she was poor. Rey had worked hard, invested the money she had in herself. Getting extensive training in car mechanics and put herself through business school, all with a one year old at home, so she could start her own company and make a good living for her family.

“With your parents? I can’t imagine you not inheriting some of their greatness.”

“They’re not all that great.” He muttered, flexing his fingers as he looked down at the closed photo album in his lap.

Rey knew loneliness when she saw it. “Look, we haven’t really discussed a lot of things, and I realise tonight might not be the right time. But I think grandparents might be one step too fast, so maybe we can arrange something for Thanksgiving? Anything else I think would be too soon.” That would buy her a few months, so they could figure out a routine and let things settle before adding new people into the mix. It was usually just her and Rian, she wasn’t sure how she was going to navigate all these new people who wanted to be in Rian’s life. She knew no matter what choice she made, someone would get their feelings hurt, and right now all she could do was make sure it wasn’t her son that ended up being the one upset or hurt.

“Yeah. I think that’s probably for the best.” She didn’t expect him to agree so easily. It made her wonder what his relationship with them was like. “I guess you already know about them, don’t you?”

There was no point in lying, not when Rian had already fawned over Han Solo like a kid talking about his hero, which come to think of it, he was. “I know your dad is a famous pilot and your mom is the Governor of California.” Saying it out loud, it felt a lot scarier than just reading it online. Fuck. Leia Organa was a powerful woman. Rey thinks she even voted for her. _Wait, do Governors get elected?_ This is why she was fucked. Rey knew nothing about politics. For all she knows, Ben could just ask his mom and she could be deported. It wasn’t like she had a birth certificate to prove she was an American citizen.

“I don’t want Rian involved in any of that shit.” Ben told her, resolutely. “All the press and the events. Its hell for an adult, let alone a kid.”

“Is this-” She gestured between them. “Is this newsworthy? Am I going to find paparazzi on my doorstep one morning if they find out Leia Organa’s war hero son discovered his long lost son?”

He let a long exhale through his nose and Rey knew that wasn’t a good sign. His fingers itched like they wanted to hold something, but instead clenched and unclenched while he spoke. “Definitely.”

Rey nodded solemnly. Of course it was newsworthy. She was surprised Hollywood wasn’t already making an Oscar worthy film about him with Henry Cavill or Ryan Reynolds or some other tall, dark and handsome actor playing the lead.

“Right. Well, I guess that’s more reason to keep this secret for as long as possible.” She didn’t know much about the press either, but she imagined it wouldn’t take very long for them to discover who Ben’s girlfriend was eleven years ago and post her name alongside Ben and Rian’s. She couldn’t have her son finding out who his birth mother was like that.

“This won’t get out and ruin Rian’s life, not if I can help it. I promise you, Rey.”

“I don’t believe in promises, Ben.”

“I’m not _asking_ you to believe, I’m _telling_ you.” His voice had dropped, a slight danger hung on the gravity of the words. It caused her heart to clench. Did he realise how commanding he sounded? Did he do that on purpose? “Rian is my blood, I would sooner die then see him hurt by any of this.”

“You’ve already died once.” Rey shot back at him, not liking how he was trying to intimidate her. “And if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in life, it’s that blood doesn’t mean instant loyalty and kindness. That needs to be earned.”

The air felt thick around them, like there was a storm brewing. She wouldn’t have been surprised if there had been a crack of lightning between them with the way they were staring each other, neither backing down.

“I think it’s time I should go.” Ben said finally, his shoulders falling slightly.

“I think that’s for the best.”

“I want to see Rian again this week.”

“This week is a bit busy. He has soccer practice tomorrow and on Sunday. And he has lots of homework…” She trailed off, hoping he would accept her trying to shut him down gently.

“I can take him to soccer practice.”

“Ben. You can’t see him every day. I know you’ve missed a lot of time already, but he’s a kid, he has normal kid stuff he needs to do. I can’t let this affect his schoolwork.”

“Then what about Saturday? I could take him to Botanical Gardens. I heard its really great this time of year.” He wasn’t going to give up easily.

They walked to the door and Rey was reminded of the flowers he had bought that she’d left on the little table where they put their keys. She sighed. Ben was trying. And she understood why he was so eager, she would be too if their roles were reversed.

And it didn’t help the she had Ben Kenobi’s voice in her head, sadly telling her to play nice or Ben was well within his legal right to just take Rian. With the promise of meeting Han Solo and flying in his planes, Rey was sure her son wouldn’t mind staying with his father for a few weeks before he started to miss her. They would probably buy him all the stuff he has being going on about, like a gaming chair.

“Look.” She said, bitter at the harsh truth of their situation. “If he does all his homework, then I don’t see why you can’t come over on Friday. But only if he does all his homework.” She insisted.

Ben nodded. “Great. You have my number?” She nodded back, Kenobi had given her his details. “Thank you again, Rey. You… you’ve given me something I never thought I could have.” His hands tightened around the photo album again and Rey was surprised at his honesty, blinking at him a few times before remembering to speak.

“That’s okay. Thanks- Thanks for the flowers.” She hastily grabbed the bouquet, wanting to keep her hands busy as she unlocked the door to let him out.

“I’ll see you both on Friday.”

“Right. Friday.” She repeated. “Goodbye, Ben.”

“Goodbye, Rey.” If she hadn’t known better, she could have sworn he bowed his head at her before he turned to leave.

Shutting the door, and slamming the locked closed with a jerky violence that wasn’t necessary, she stood back and stared at it.

Ben Solo wasn’t a prick. And Rey didn’t know how she felt about that.

\-----

“Obviously, Michael was the MVP.” Poe didn’t realise what can of worms he had opened in Maz’s.

“What?” Rey sneered at the same time Finn cried out, “Are you kidding me?”

“Michael wasn’t even in the last few seasons!” Finn’s voice was louder than needed considering how small the table they were sat at, and how quiet the café was at 4pm on a Wednesday afternoon. But they didn’t care as clearly their discussion about who was the best character in The Office US was of paramount importance.

“But he held the group together, they were loyal to Dunder Mifflin because of him.” Poe shrugged, a lopsided smirk etched on his face.

“Jim and Pam are the most value players.” Rey said, holding up her hand to block Poe from her sight. How dare he make such an outlandish claim. “Their love story was what everyone wanted, the whole show follows their relationship from the first episode to the last. We watch them fall in love, get married, have kids. We grow with them.”

“You can’t have two people as the most valuable players.” Poe disagreed.

“Then it’s Pam.” Finn jumped in, grabbing his husband’s hand and resting it on the top of the table. It was a small gesture, and Rey bet they didn’t even realise they were doing it, but all their little touches made her heart happy. So pleased her best friend found someone, and they were completely besotted with each other.

“No. It’s Jim!” Rey threw her head back and growled in frustration.

“Imma just say what we’re all scared to admit.” Poe lifted his free arm up in another casual shrug. “It’s David Wallace.”

Rey sat back in her seat, realisation dawning on her.

“Oh, shit.”

“It is David Wallace, isn’t it?” She whispered, bringing her cup of tea to her lips and taking a sip.

“He is in almost every season. He was the only adult who could deal with Michael’s nonsense. His characters position allowed plot points to develop. And, in the end he defeats Sabre and saves the company. David Wallace is the MVP.” Poe grabbed a napkin and threw it to the table in victory. “Suck it!”

Rey couldn’t stop herself from laughing at his theatrics. This was exactly what she needed to take her mind off Ben Solo.

But while she could distract herself for a few hours while Rian was at soccer, distractions didn’t last forever, and the mood shifted around the table as Finn gave her a sympathetic look.

“So, how’d it go last night?”

Rey sighed, reality setting back in. She’d had all day to fret over and replay every moment from the night before, wondering if she had been too rude to him, worried she had made a mistake that Ben could use against her in the future, but in the end, it hadn’t been as awful as she expected it to be. It was a cliché, but the anticipation had been worse than the actual evening. Like pulling off a plaster. _Bandaid_ , she corrected herself in her head.

“It was fine.” Pushing a strand of hair that had fallen loose from the bun she kept her hair up in at work, she nodded to herself. “He was decent. Rian adored him. He… he just wanted to get to know him.”

“And no weird shit? He didn’t ask you any strange questions about you or Rian?” Poe must have had his lawyer hat on, as he sat forward slightly, his eyebrows pinched together in concern.

“No. No, I don’t think so.” Grabbing the teapot on the table, she topped up her tea, adding more milk as she continued to speak. “He asked about school, and hobbies… I thought it was going to be awful to start with.”

“That’s great news.” Finn seemed genuinely happy, even if his face gave away how worried he was.

Rey paused as she stirred in a sugar cube. “He - Ben – bought Rian a computer, as a sort of late birthday gift. And a new iPhone. It was so obvious it cost a lot of money, but Rian was so excited. I can’t exactly stop Ben from buying his son a present, but I… I sort of had a go at him, telling him he should have spoken to me first.” She looked up at the two men sat opposite her. “You don’t think that was the wrong thing to do, right? I didn’t overreact or anything?”

“We weren’t there, so we can’t gauge if your reaction was appropriate or not-” Poe started, his lawyer logic coming out, before Finn cut in.

“And you can be scary when you’re angry-”

“But I think, in this circumstance, you were correct to tell him you were uncomfortable with the money he had spent. I would just be careful with how you limit Ben Solo in the future.” Poe finished.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if you keep stopping him from treating his son, or seeing him as much as he wants, you could push him too far.”

“Too far?” Her arms felt heavy as they lifted the teacup to her lips and took a small sip, the warm liquid tasting like ash in her mouth.

“If he thinks you are withholding things from him, he may start thinking about his own interests ahead of yours. At the moment, everything you’ve said seems like he’s really respectful of you and the situation, but if he wants to be Rian’s dad, and you keep denying him access or stopping him for doing things normal dad’s do…”

“He may start to think he could do a better job on his own and take him.” Rey finished Poe’s line of thought. “Fuck.”

“I’m just saying, if he doesn’t get the amount of contact he thinks he should be getting, you could be in trouble. I’m not a family lawyer, and honestly, even if I was, this shit is so messed up I wouldn’t know where to beginning. But you don’t really have a choice. You can do everything right and then one day he could just-” Poe snapped his fingers. “Change his mind.”

“So why should I play nice, then? If he could just take him anyway?” Finn and Poe were her closest friends, they knew how difficult she found it to let people into her life. And Ben Solo was bad news all over. Not only was he a stranger, he held the power to break her heart by taking away her son and denying her any legal contact with him. He could be a monster in disguise, and Rey didn’t want to bend to his rules, if he went and took Rian regardless. As stubborn as it sounded, she didn’t want him to make a fool of her.

“If you’re seen to be reasonable with his visits, and cooperating, then it would look better for you in court.” Poe said, making Finn reach out and squeeze Rey’s shoulder. “Like he’s the one overreacting.”

“But it won’t go to court, Rey.” Finn tried to reassure her, but he didn’t know what was going to happen. None of them did.

“But what if it did? I’ve been his mother for eleven years, does that not count for anything?”

Poe shook his head. “He has a parental claim over Rian. His name is on the birth certificate, and when he was believed to be dead, his consent wasn’t needed. But now, he can sue for custody and in a court of law…” Poe exhaled, his brow furrowing up in that way Rey knew meant trouble. “He is a decorated war hero, who served his country and was a prison of war for over ten years… The press love him, the public love him. Then, returning home, he discovers he had a son who was adopted without his knowledge or consent to a young single mother… It’s a great story. It wouldn’t take much work to win the judge over. And that’s not even going into the money him and his family have or your own history.”

Rey nodded, the hopelessness she had felt before hitting her full force again. “Right.” Amilyn had already told her most of this, but hearing it from someone else, someone that was her friend and always had her back, just made the situation more real, more serious.

“But you’re right. You’ve been his mother since day one. Solo will most likely have to pay you some sort of child support for all the years you’ve taken care of Rian.” Poe continued and Rey felt sick. She didn’t care about money. She just wanted her son. “So, there is room for negotiation there. You could refuse in exchange for visitations, although with his family, I doubt he cares about how much money he spends.”

“Poe, I think maybe you should-” To room was getting hotter, and she felt claustrophobic, and while she appreciated Finn noticing her discomfort and looking out for her, she needed to hear this. She needed to know as much as she could.

“No, it’s okay. Keep going.”

Poe hesitated. “Are you sure? We can talk about this some other-”

“I’m sure. Keep going. Please.” She wiped the back of her hand over her forehead, before pressing her fingertip to her temple where a stress headache was forming. The more knowledge she had, the more prepared she could be. Ben Solo had had extra time to brush up on everything before he confronted her at Kenobi’s. She couldn’t sit back and let him think she would let him push her out just because he had the law on his side.

“If it goes to court, you could fight for joint custody, refuse his money, play the emotions, show them you are as much the victim as he is, if not worse, as you’ve had eleven years of Rian in your life, and he only just found out.”

“Does this have to go to court?” She sighed. She’d seen the inside of a few court rooms as a kid in the foster system. The pressure adults put on children in those circumstances were just horrible, and she couldn’t have her son going through the same thing. Especially if her and his father were going to be up against each other. She knew it could get ugly and didn’t want him to have any part of that.

“You could arrange something outside of court and if you are both happy with it, then it could just be signed off by a judge.”

“That sounds better, why can’t we just do that?”

“Because at the moment, he is happy just being part of Rian’s life. If you can keep him a bay with the odd visits, then you keep control over Rian’s life.” Poe explained.

“Fuck. Why couldn’t he have just stayed dead?” Rey groaned, her head collapsing into her hands. “Is that awful of me?”

“We’ll be there for you, Rey. Every step of the way.” Finn said, his voice calm and warm. Peeking up between her fingers, she smiled softly at them.

“Thank you.” Looking at her phone quickly, she spotted the time. “Ugh. I should go soon. I have to pick Rian up.” Grabbing her bag off the back of her chair. Saying goodbye, she hugged the two men before waving at Maz behind the counter.

She arrived at the school ten minutes early, giving her time to clear her thoughts before Rian came out. Switching off the engine, she looked down at her phone and saw a message from an unknown number waiting for her.

_Hello Rey Johnson. I am texting to confirm Friday evening at 6pm. Would you like me to bring any food? Regards, Ben Solo._

She frowned at the small screen. Was he always this formal over text? She could practically hear his deep voice rumbling out the words as she read them again. Smirking, she wrote out her reply.

_GR8. C u then._

She didn’t usually abbreviate texts so much, but she liked the idea of winding him up with slang when he had obviously taken time to write out his message in length.

Her phone pinged a minute later.

_Hello Rey. Would you prefer me to arrive at 8pm? Is that not too close to Rian’s bedtime? Regards, Ben._

She had to laugh. Was he really that oblivious? She swiped open to reply when her phone started to ring. The unsaved number flashing up on her screen in bold white letters.

“Hello?”

“Rey?” His voice was low in her ear.

“Yep.” She looked out the passenger’s side window to make sure Rian wasn’t finished yet before continuing. “Everything okay?”

“I… I realised you meant ‘great’, and it wasn’t you changing the time to eight.” Ben cleared his throat lightly on the other end of the line.

“So you thought you’d call to clear it up?”

“Yes. I… I didn’t want there to be any confusion.” There was a long pause as Rey waited for him to continue, finding it amusing to hear him so unsure for once. “I’m not good with phones.” He admitted after a while.

Rey could understand that, after all, cell phones used to just be for phone calls when he grew up. Now they did so much more. It must have been a bit of a culture shock when he returned home after nearly eleven years locked up to discover apps.

“My mom got me an iPhone, she texts every day.” There was a frustrated groan and she could almost picture Ben rubbing his face in horror. “Fuck. This is going bad, really quickly.”

Rey laughed, unable to stop herself. “No, it’s fine. You’re good.”

“I didn’t want you to think I was an idiot. It’s been over a year, I should be better at technology by now.” She understood his frustration.

“I feel the same, sometimes. As soon as I think I have one thing down, like TikTok, Rian is suddenly talking about a new app or game console that I had to learn from scratch. It’s amazing how quickly they learn all these new things.” She admitted and she was pleased to hear Ben’s soft exhale as he chuckled to himself.

“I’m going to pretend I know what tick tock is. Maybe…” There was a shifting sound, and Rey wondered where Ben was. Did he have a job? It sounded like he was outside. “Maybe you and Rian can show me all these one day.”

“That’s a good idea. I have lots of rules with him, so he doesn’t spend too much time on the internet. It can be so dangerous for kids these days.” Rey dreaded to think of the kind of stuff Rian could accidently stumble on. Which reminded her, she would have to set up parental controls on his new computer and phone once it was all set up. “I’ll have to tell you about them.”

“Yes. I would like that.” In the background Rey heard a door open and close. Maybe he was at home? “Thank you, Rey.”

“No problem. I-” She stopped herself, looking out of the car window and seeing a few of the other parents starting to park to pick up their kids. She waved at Zorii, a gorgeous mom in her early forties who owned a couple of bakeries in Pasadena. God, she hoped she wasn’t making a mistake by doing this, Rey thought to herself as she took a deep breath in. “I was thinking about Thanksgiving. I know it’s a few months away, but we don’t have any plans and if your invite was still on the table, I think it would be really good for Rian to spend it getting to know his new family.”

There was a long pause and she worried that the line may dropped when he finally spoke. “That would mean a lot, Rey. Especially to my parents.” Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against the steering wheel in resignation, glad that he couldn’t see what she was doing. “Thank you. I know this hasn’t been easy, but you, your cooperation… I am very grateful.”

It’s not like she had a choice, Rey wanted to reply, but she stopped herself. He wasn’t the enemy here. No one was. At least, not yet.

“That’s okay. Anyway, I have to go. I’ll see you on Friday.” She said hurriedly, spotting Rian walking out of the sports building with his friends, the knees of his shorts covered in grass stains which she knew would be a nightmare to get out.

“At six, not eight.”

“Right. Bye.” She hung up before he had the chance to say goodbye, throwing her phone down into the cup holder as if it had burned her. Why did agreeing to Thanksgiving feel like she was signing her own death certificate.

“Hey!” She greeted Rian as he swung open the car door and practically fell into the seat. “How was football?”

He groaned. “No one calls it football here, mom.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” Sometimes her Britishness slipped into conversation, and she knew how much Rian hated it when she got things wrong. “How was soccer then?”

Rian then launched into a story about tackling someone on the opposite team. It was nice to hear him talk so enthusiastically about the sport, something she would usually only half listen to as they drove home. But now, she clung to each word, trying to make the most of every moment she had. Accepting her new reality. The fact that it wasn’t just the two of them anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I haven't really been feeling very creative the last few weeks, focusing on tasks around the house like gardening and painting instead until I felt inspired again. Anyway! I finally managed to sit down and write a thousand words today and am feeling much better :-) And I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Don't forget to comment and kudos! 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter, or support me [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	5. Chapter Five

It was a beautiful Friday evening in Pasadena. The sun was still out, even as it neared 9pm, and there was a warm breeze that brushed over her exposed shoulders and through the skirt of her sundress. She didn’t normally wear such nice clothes to go grocery shopping, but she had to make an effort when she was greeting Ben Solo at her front door, ushering him in for this evening with Rian.

She tried not to blush at the memory of how his eyes had trailed down her body, taking in her outfit, before spotting Rian over her shoulder, setting up the TV so they could play a video game later. If she didn’t know better, she could have sworn she’d seen his eyes darken as they lingered on where the dress dipped at her cleavage. After all, she didn’t exactly have a cleavage, so there wasn’t anything that could have caught his attention anyway, she told herself as she carried the shopping bags to her car.

Ben Solo was quickly ingraining himself into Rian’s life. In the last two days she had discussed the contact he and her son were having, and had agreed that he could text Rian, but only in the mornings and evenings, before and after school. And now her evenings were full of ‘ _Mr Solo sent me this_ ’ or ‘ _Mr Solo says hi_ ’. She shouldn’t have been surprised, but it didn’t make it any less painful when her son’s face lit up every time his phone went off.

She had reluctantly given Ben a rough schedule of Rian’s afterschool clubs, before ringing the school and telling them that under no circumstances were they allowed to let Rian leave with anyone other than her. She might have been paranoid. He had said it was so he could fully understand his routine and figure out a plan moving forward, but she wasn’t willing to take that chance.

Before Ben had come over that evening, she had told Rian not to leave the flat with Ben no matter what he said while she nipped out, and to call her right away if he tried make him. Rian had rolled his eyes but swore he wouldn’t go anywhere, not that that had eased her concerns. Driving home a little faster than she usually would, she tapped her foot impatiently at the elevator as she waited for it to arrive. Rian hadn’t text her, but she wouldn’t relax until she had confirmation that her son was safe and sound at home.

Opening the door, she tried to contain her relief as she saw the backs of their heads facing the TV, from which the colourful graphics and loud noises let her know it was Fortnite her son was showing him.

“You can go over there and smash that loot crate.” Rian told Ben, and Rey had to smile as she watched the older man struggle to master the buttons on the controller. It looked small and fragile in his large hands.

“Hello boys.” She called out, announcing her presence and trying not to overthink how domestic this felt.

Ben turned around, pulling the headset off his head, his mouth opening to greet her when Rian inturpted him.

“Woah woah, watch out!” Ben turned back to the screen but it was too late.

“Am I dead again?” He asked, unsure what was happening.

“Yeah, but it’s okay. You were much better this time round.” Rian tried to comfort him, but his attention was focused on his character as his continued to run around the island. Rey didn’t know much about the game, but she knew it involved an island.

“I’ll be right back.” Ben took the opportunity to stand up and walk over to the small kitchen area. “Need any help?” He asked, his hands hovering near the bags she had placed onto the kitchen counter.

“Sure.” She smiled up at him, craning her neck to meet his eyes. “Can you fill up that fruit bowl?” She gestured to the wooden bowl that Finn had made her one Christmas was he was into woodwork.

He grabbed some oranges and started layering the fruit, an air of awkwardness around him. He was pouting, the same way Rian did when he was trying to hide if he was upset or had hurt feelings over something.

“Everything okay?” She asked, putting down the tins of chopped tomatoes down on the counter and leaning back on it, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Yeah…” He ran a head through his hair, and Rey watched as the conflict crossed his face. “Actually, no. Did you tell Rian I was planning on kidnapping him?” His voice was dangerously low, she could practically feel it vibrate through his chest in the small space of her kitchen. She was suddenly grateful for the little breakfast bar that separated them.

Glancing over at her son to make sure he was still focused on his game and not them, she motioned for Ben to follow her down the hallway.

Shutting her bedroom door, she turned to face him. The room was darker than the living room, the only light inside coming from her window and the evening sun which cast a warm wash of colour over the bed and floor, somewhere between pink and orange.

She watched as he paced the small floor space, noting how he seemed to fill the room with his presence. Did he really have to behave like this? She didn’t do anything wrong.

“I didn’t say you were going to _kidnap_ him.” It was mostly the truth. “I just told Rian not to go anywhere with you.” She explained, watching as his jaw clenched and his eye twitch.

“It’s semantics.” He spat, his nostrils flaring. Rey took a step back, her shoulders bumping against the door behind her. He must have noticed her fear, immediately turning away and walking to the other side of the room. “Fuck. Sorry.”

“Do you need to leave?” Her voice betrayed nothing as she stood a little straighter.

“No. I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“I’m not going to take Rian away from his mother, Rey.” Ben glared at her and she was glad for the dimmed room. “I… I wouldn’t do that.”

“Then you shouldn’t be worried about me telling Rian that.” Rey said, her voice clipped and defensive. The guilt of what she had done setting in.

“This is going to be a problem, isn’t it? You not trusting me.”

“Don’t take it personally. I don’t trust many people.”

“But you can’t put that on Rian.” Ben hissed at her, his hands on his hips as he turned back to her. “I know I’m going to have to earn your trust and make you realise that I’m not trying to take him away or cut you out of his life, but you can’t put your insecurities on him.”

“It was _one thing_. It’s not going to change the way he feels about you. He already idolises you, Ben.” Rey countered, feeling herself getting upset. “You should see how excited Rian has been the last three days, how he reaches for his phone every time it goes off, this huge smile on his face when he sees your name flash up on the screen.” It was all coming out now, the anger, the upset. Like the dam of her fears and hurt had suddenly broken and it was in front of the one person she didn’t want it to be. “He has bought you up in almost every conversation we’ve had. And you think it’s easy for me to just sit back and watch him forget all about me while he obsesses over you?” Her voice cracked. She gave up into resignation as she furiously wiped away the tears that have gathered in the corner of her eyes.

“Rey-” Ben’s posture softened, his shoulder slumping forward as his hands fell down to his side.

“Don’t.” She hissed at him.

“I’m sorry. I… I overreacted.” Ben reached out to her before doubting himself and awkwardly stood routed to the floor. “It’s okay.”

Except it wasn’t okay. None of this was okay.

Shaking her head, Rey sniffed and brushed the last of the wetness from her eyes. “I’m sorry too.” She confessed.

“No. You’re right to worry. I’m a stranger to you. A stranger with a fucked up past and more issues than I can even count.” She watched as his throat bobbed, him clearly trying to control his emotions. “I’ve been feeling a little… raw today.” He admitted. “I saw my therapist this morning and… those days are always hard.”

Rey stood still as he spoke, not expecting him to suddenly open up like this. She was terrible expressing her emotions, and she suspected Ben was as well, so she kept quiet as he went on.

“I’m just so angry. Angry at the war, angry at the marines for giving up on me, angry at Bazine for giving away our kid, angry at her again for taking a year to tell me…” He took a step towards her, and Rey had to tilt neck to look up at him, her jaw going slack as his eyes searched her face. He was… intense. There was no other way to describe him. And in all her thirty two years alive, she had never encountered such a beautiful complex man. “But… but I can’t be angry at you, Rey.” He breathed. “Not when you’ve been the perfect mother to my son.”

“Then don’t be.” She whispered. Begging him to forgive her for whatever she has done and will do to do to protect her son.

“I think we need therapy.” Ben said, taking a step back and letting Rey breathe. Ben’s presence was heady, even more so when it was just them in this confined, dimly lit room.

“Therapy?” She blinked, not sure what he meant.

“Group therapy. Family therapy.” Ben explained. “It was something my psychologist suggested. This is a stressful time, for all of us, I want to make sure Rian knows how to express his feelings. So he doesn’t end up resentful of me at the end of all this.”

“He won’t be. He’s a strong boy. He doesn’t need therapy.” Rey said, absentmindedly, looking out of the window and seeing the dusty pink sky darken as the sun set. It was beautiful, the kind of evening she imagined Rose would insist on trying to take a photo of for her Instagram. It was warm and pretty and she found herself getting lost in the hues before Ben’s low voice caught her attention again.

“It wouldn’t just be for him.” Rey quirked an eyebrow at him, watching as he walked over to her dresser, his hands hovering near the framed photo she had of her and Rian on a pickle boat from when they went to Victoria BC last year. Ben sighed deeply. “I know you didn’t ask for this, but we’re going to be connected for the rest of our lives because of Rian. I think… I think you should consider family therapy. This is a... difficult situation, and I want to build a healthy relationship with the mother of my child, I don’t… I don’t want you to be resentful of me either.”

Her lips pressed together. He wasn’t trying to be offensive, and if she was anyone else, she would have thought he was being very sensible and understanding. But Rey didn’t do feelings. When life dealt her a shitty hand, she got on with it and made the best of it. Therapy just wasn’t for her. However, she wouldn’t shoot down Ben, not when her son could benefit from it.

“I’ll think about it.” Her voice came out more tender than she expected it to, making Ben look her way, a soft smile ghosting over his lips. It suited him. Because of the lighting, Rey quickly told herself.

“Thank you.”

Clearing her throat, Rey pushed herself off from the door she had been leaning on. “Right.” She clapped her hands together lightly. “Get back out there. I’m sure Rian is missing his war buddy.”

Ben scoffed. “That game is ridiculously hard.”

“Tell me about it. Why do you think I want you to play it, not me?” Rey smacked him on the arm as he passed her, and tried not to think about the hard muscles under his sweater or if it was too soon for friendly gestures like that. He tensed by relaxed a split second later.

“I thought it would be a fun bonding activity we do together.” Running his hand through his hair, Rey stifled a laugh at his resigned tone.

“I’m sure you’ll get better. Has he shown you all the dances yet?”

Ben’s step faltered as they make their way down the hallway, and he seemed to pale. “There’s dancing?”

Then Rey couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

\-----

Rey loved Mondays. She never understood why people wanted the weekend to last longer, because every Sunday afternoon she was always itching to get back to work. Rose always thought she was a mad woman, but Finn knew why. They both grew up in the foster system, so when they were free to leave, and get jobs, and earn their own money, they jumped at the chance. Relaxing wasn’t part of her DNA. So when she walked into the garage that morning, a huge smile on her face, Finn didn’t bat an eyelid at her.

She had already kept them up to date on the “Ben Situation” as they were calling it. And they knew there wasn’t any drama from Friday’s game night. But that didn’t stop Finn from knocking on her door just gone 9am, a grave look on his face as he spoke.

“Rey, let me know what you want me to do, but there’s a dude here, and I’m pretty sure it’s Ben Solo.”

Looking up from her computer screen, her mouth dropped open. “What? Really? Why?” She asked, standing up, smoothing her hands subconsciously over her stained coveralls.

Finn made a noise that Rey knew meant he was uncomfortable. “He said his name was Ben and he wanted to talk to you. He… I think he’s bought you coffee. I can tell him you ain’t here, just let me know.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll… I’ll be down in a second.” Finn left and Rey panicked, looking at her reflection in the shiny surface of a cabinet, she undid her buns and redid them in an attempt to neaten them. Was something wrong? Why was he suddenly making surprise visits to her work place? Or was this some kind of check up? Something his lawyer suggested doing to snoop out and make sure she was a suitable parent?

Pinching her cheeks to try and give them colour because she didn’t wear make up for work, Rey quickly undid the top half of her coverall, revealing the white tee she had on underneath, and tied the arms around her waist to secure it. At least she looked a little less messy, she mused before opening her office door and spotting Ben waiting in the area usually reserved for customers.

He stood up as soon as he saw her, and she noticed the take away holder in his hand, two paper cups stowed safely in the cardboard container. He was dressed a little more casually today, a pair faded black jeans and a dark grey tee that clung to his chest and arms, yet looked loose around his hips. A pair of sunglasses were pushed up into his hair, and she had to wonder if someone picked out his outfits. He always seemed to look like a model for some magazine ad. With Rian around it was easy to overlook how handsome he was, and focus on their son. But now, in her workplace, it was very distracting.

“Ben.” She greeted, her mouth suddenly dry.

“Rey.” He seemed awkward now he was on his feet, like he was second guessing himself. “I’m sorry to drop by, I text but you didn’t reply.”

“Oh. It’s been a busy morning. I haven’t looked at my phone.”

“I was close by, and I read in your file that you worked here.” He explained.

“Yes. Yes I do.” She looked around at the garage workshop, noticing Rose and Finn lingering at the side, not so subtly watching them.

“I bought coffee.” Ben said quickly, as if he had just remembered and the words spilled from his mouth before he could stop them.

“Oh?” God, this was awkward. She started to speak again just as he did.

“-Would you like me to show you around?”

“-I didn’t know what you liked, so I got a latte-” He finished last, looking down at the cups in his hand.

Silence fell between them again, and she wondered if his sudden awkwardness was because he realised he was intruding. “I love lattes.” She lied, giving him an encouraging smile. She preferred tea, but she wasn’t going to tell him that.

He pulled the cup from its holder and held it out to her. “I didn’t know you had colleagues… I would have bought them some too if I’d have… known. That you had other colleagues.” He stumbled over his words.

“-Is everything alright, Ben?”

“-I hope you are having a good day-” They spoke over each other and nodded, the corner of her lips quirking up at their off timing.

“Yes. It is a good day. Come on, let me show you around.” Rey announced, deciding that one of them needed to take control and get over this sudden weirdness between them. He nodded and followed her as she gestured around. “This is the lobby, where people come and hand over their keys and sometime wait.” She explained before leading him out into the workshop. “And this is where the magic happens.” She cringed at her cliché but luckily Ben was behind her and didn’t notice. “We have four stations, but it’s the three of us at the moment.”

They made their way over to the other two people, who suddenly looked very interested in an exhaust pipe that Rey knew was junk. “And this is Rose and Finn.” She motioned at them and watched as Ben graciously shook their hands and introduced himself. Finn just nodded curtly but Rose blushed, and Rey had to roll her eyes at her friend’s sudden shyness.

“Hi.” The shorted woman said, tucking her hand quickly back into her coverall pockets.

“This is a brilliant shop.” Ben commented, looking around. “How long have you been here?”

“I opened nine years ago, in 2011.” Rey said, wondering if he really meant his compliment. It was a small shop, but she liked it, keeping it as clear and tidy as anyone could keep a car repair workshop.

“ _You_ opened it?” Ben seemed taken aback.

“Yes. This is my garage. I own it.” She clarified, and watched as an unreadable expression crossed over Ben’s face before his lips pursed together in a tight smile.

“I’m impressed.”

“It was impressive.” Finn jumped in. “She went to school, got two degrees and opened the shop, all with a baby at home.” Rey wanted to tell Finn to be quiet, she hated bragging, but she realised that if things got ugly, she needed to prove that she was more than capable of providing for Rian.

“That sounds like a lot of work. You must be very proud.” Ben commented, and Rey just nodded.

“It was. And I am.” She tilted her chin up at him and took a sharp intake of air. “Shall we go to my office?”

She took her first sip of the latte as she settled in at her desk. The warm caffeine danced over her tongue. She had to admit, this was good coffee. Looking at the cup, she saw a logo and name she wasn’t familiar with.

“Thank you. This is delicious.”

“You’re very welcome.” Ben said, crossing his legs one way and then the other as he tried to get comfortable in his chair.

“What can I help you with, Ben? I doubt you just showed up with coffee because you were nearby.” She asked, getting straight to the point. Which reminded her. “Where do you live, anyway? I’m at a disadvantage, I know you got a file on me, but I don’t have one on you.”

“You don’t?” Ben frowned, a wrinkled between his eyebrows appearing. “I can- I can get my lawyer to draw one up for you?”

“Or I could just ask you?” She said simply, surprised his first thought were to go through lawyers, despite him sitting right in front of her.

“Right. Or that.” He seemed to curse himself mentally at his stupidity, if his deepening frown was anything to go by. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, you know where I live and work, so let’s start there.”

He shifted again in the chair, and Rey wondered if maybe using the lawyers was the easier of the two options, giving how uncomfortable he looked talking about himself. “Er, I live in Bel Air.” Rey gawked at him. She didn’t know much about that side of the city, but if 90’s TV was anything to go by, Bel Air wasn’t for people like her. “And I haven’t had a job since I was… discharged.” He didn’t seem comfortable at all talking about it, so Rey decided to help him out and change the subject.

“You want a job here?” She teased, pleased to see him break out into a smile, his crooked teeth on show.

She already knew his age from the details online, but there were still a few areas of importance she wanted to ask about, and were better suited when Rian wasn’t around, she took advantage of the opportunity.

“What about a girlfriend?” She continued.

“I’m sorry?” Ben’s eyes widened, and he seemed to choke on the sip of coffee he had just taken.

“Do you date? Are you in a relationship with someone? I don’t really want any strange women being paraded around Rian, not when he’s only just starting to know you.” She didn’t want to sound like a bitch, but she really, really didn’t want any skinny blonde wanna-be LA actresses hanging around her son.

“No.” It was more a strangled noise than a word, but Rey was relieved none the less. “Do… do you? Date?”

“God no! I don’t have the time.” Rey smiled. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

“Right.” Ben ran a hand through his hair, catching his sunglasses and pulling them off his head and fiddling nervously with them in his hands instead. “I haven’t- I don’t-” He sighed, and Rey wondered if maybe she had pushed him too far. “There hasn’t been anyone since Ba- since I’ve been home.” Despite stopping himself, Rey knew what name he was about to say. She did some mental math and her jaw almost dropped. Eleven years and ten months. He hadn’t had sex in nearly twelve years?! What a waste, a small voice spoke up that sounded too much like Poe for her liking. Not that she should judge, it had been nearly as long for her, and she didn’t have the excuse of being a prison of war for ten of those years.

“Good. I’m not saying you can’t date or anything.” She said quickly, her cheeks heating. “I’m just asking if you could keep it low key, at least until its serious, then I’d rather you spoke to me first before telling Rian. And I will do the same for you.”

“Okay.” Ben agreed, tucking his sunglasses into his tee. The weight of them pulling on the fabric and revealing the smooth line of his neck. Rey shook her head slightly, pulling her mind out of the gutter. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” She smiled at him, hoping she didn’t look crazy, she knew sometimes her grins could be too toothy, but she was glad they were getting this stuff out in the open. Moving forward would be easier once they had agreed on these rules.

Pausing, she noticed Ben running his hand through his hair again, his cheeks puffing out as he exhaled. He… he looked stressed. Her smile fell a fraction. Had she pushed him too far? Had talking about girlfriends bought up bad memories? After all, his last girlfriend had gotten pregnant, didn’t tell him, and then gave the baby away… It couldn’t be easy to think about being in a relationship again after that.

“Ben?” Her voice was gentle, and she was glad it was just the two of them. He looked at her, his forehead crinkling, his eyes sad and a little lost.

“Yeah?”

“Do you like movies?” She asked, her nose crinkling up slightly at how cringy that sounded. His eyebrows shot up and Rey realised her mistake. “Rian wants to see that new superhero one? With the spider guy in it. But I hate them.” She explained. “The noise, the flashing lights, the people eating popcorn right behind you the whole time.” She laughed. “Sorry, I’m not making it sound very appealing, am I?”

“No.” Ben sat forward quickly. “No, it sounds great. It sounds like fun.”

Rey relaxed in her chair slightly. “Right. Well Rian wants to see it and I can’t think of anything worse. Would you mind… taking him? Maybe one night this week? I think it comes out on Wednesday night.”

“Yes.” Ben nodded eagerly. “Yes, I’d like that.” He pulled out his phone. “It’s actually one of the reasons I came by, I hadn’t managed to book any time in this week with him yet.” Her heart clenched at his confession. Why did he have to be so sincere all the time? “He has soccer on Wednesdays, doesn’t he? How about Thursday?”

“Thursday would be great.” She smiled softly at him, suddenly hit with a wave of sadness. He really would have made a great dad to Rian growing up. She felt sorry for him that he has missed those years. “Thank you, Ben. I really appreciate it.”

“No, Rey. I should be thanking you. This… Rian… He means the world to me.” He smiled back at her, his dimples on full display and his eye crinkling around the edges. It was intense, the way he looked at her sometimes. It made her stomach drop.

Fuck. Rey sat up straight in her chair. It was one thing recognising that Ben Solo was attractive. It was a totally other thing actually letting his good looks affect her.

“Right. Well, we’ll see you Thursday then.” She stood up, feeling on edge as she waited for him to realise the conversation was over and follow her suit and get up.

“Would you mind if I text Rian and told him?” Ben asked as she opened her office door.

“Sure. No problem.” She smiled, and she knew this time it was a crazy toothy grin that made her look insane. “Goodbye, Ben.”

“Goodbye, Rey.” She shut the door fast behind him, letting her forehead fall forward.

Ben Solo better start giving her reasons to dislike him soon. Otherwise she would be well and truly fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're getting to know each other a bit better. And Rey is slowly starting to trust Ben, and I dare I say... like him? 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and kudos! 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter, or support me [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	6. Chapter Six

“Mom!”

Rian came rushing out of his room, holding his phone up to show her the message that had clearly gotten him this eager.

“Yeah?” Rey turned her head over her shoulder from where she was kneading flour, yeast and water together. “You’ll have to come closer, I can’t read that.” She motioned her head to her dough covered fingers to prove her point.

Huffing, Rian propped himself on the breakfast bar, his eyes not moving from the tiny screen in his hands.

“I got a text from Ben. He wants to go see the new Spider-Man with me on Thursday. Can I go? Please?” He finally looked up at her and Rey was happy to see the obvious excitement in his face.

“Of course you can.” She said, knowing that this was coming. Rian’s bright eyes made her glad she had let Ben be the one to ask Rian and telling him herself.

Washing her hands of the sticky mixture, she wiped them dry before covering it with a damp tea towel to rise.

“You’re calling him Ben now?” She asked, curious of when that change had happened.

“Yeah. I guess.” Rian shrugged.

“How are you feeling about all of this?” She asked, leaning back against the counter. “Ben being your father…”

“I don’t know. I like him. He’s cool.”

“I know it’s been a lot to take in, but I think you’re coping really well.” Rey smiled, reaching over to mess up his hair. “And you know you can always talk to me, about anything.”

“I know.” Rian cringed, pushing her away and immediately trying to smooth out his curls. “I’ve only seen him twice. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is though. This is your father, Rian. And he wants to be part of your life now. That means more visits, then he’ll start coming along to some activities with us. And one day… one day you might start going to his house for the weekend.” She explained, her chest aching at the thought of spending the weekend alone for the first time in eleven years. “But just because he wants to spend time with you, it doesn’t mean you have to do anything you aren’t happy about. If you don’t want him around all the time, or if you don’t want to spend the night away from home, you have to tell me, okay?”

“I know.” She loved her son, but his sudden inability to say anything other than ‘I know’ was getting frustrating.

Bending down and resting on her elbows so she was the same height as him at the table, she tried a different tactic.

“So, what’s it like having a _dad_?” She asked, stressing the word as if the concept was foreign to her, and admittedly, it was.

“It’s cool.” Rian said offhandedly, typing out a message on his phone. “He’s cool.”

Rey tried to hide her annoyance at his lack of conversation. “Even if he sucks at Fortnite?” She teased, nudging him with her elbow.

“He’s not that bad.” Rian lied, standing up from his seat. “Can I play on my computer until dinner?”

“Have you done your homework?” She replied, the usual response to him asking if he could play video games.

“Yeah.”

“Okay then. Dinner should be in about an hour.” Rey said, but he was gone, leaving her alone to wonder what the hell had just happened.

Usually Rian was chatty, talking her ear off about whatever new fact he had learnt that day at school, or what had happened in class that he had found funny. Him being so quiet, especially about Ben, a man her son was clearly fascinated with, made her worry.

Frowning, she looked at the rising loaf of bread she had made and wondered what was making her son so defensive. Did he not want to talk about Ben in front of her? Or had he just had a bad day? Maybe one of the kids at school said something? Rey wondered. No, he always told her when a student was being cruel, even if it wasn’t directed at him. He was good like that, honourable.

Maybe he was struggling to express his emotions properly? He had only turned eleven last month, it must still be difficult for him to understand his feelings and put them into words. Ben’s suggestion of therapy popped into the forefront of her mind and her frown deepened. Maybe Ben had been right. Maybe Rian was having trouble comprehending and processing everything that was going on. Maybe she should see if there was someone that he could talk to...

Pressing her hand lightly into the expanding dough and pulling away, she watched the imprint of her hand slowly faded from its surface as if it had never been there.

If Rian was still like this after dinner, she would call Ben once Rian had gone to bed and discuss it, she decided.

Three hours later, Rey flopped back onto her bed.

She was worried. Rian hadn’t opened up any more over dinner, in fact, he had been even quieter when she asked him about his and Ben’s cinema trip, something he had seemed excited about only an hour earlier. And when she asked about chess club, he had just played with his food, tearing at the freshly baked bread, rolling small bits of it between two fingers until the formed little balls which he neatly placed on the side of his plate. When she had pressed further, he had struggled and told her it had been the same as last week, even though Rey knew they were watching a documentary about some young chess genius Rian admired today. She had then stopped trying and told him not to play with his food.

Something was wrong and she needed to figure out what.

So that was why she had her phone out, staring at the name in her contacts. Her thumb hovered between Ben Solo and Finn Storm, wondering if she could chicken out and vent her worries to her friend instead, but she took a deep breath and tapped the screen before she could change her mind. Holding the phone to her ear, she closed her eyes and pinched her nose until he answered.

“Rey?”

“Hi Ben.” She put on a smile even though she knew he couldn’t see it. “I’m sorry to call you so late and out of the blue.”

“No. No, it’s okay.” He said quickly. He sounded out of breath, Rey’s nose wrinkled up as she wondered what he was doing this late. As if reading her mind, he kept speaking. “I just got back from a run.”

“Oh. At ten o’clock?”

“It’s cooler this time of night.” He explained.

“Oh. That... that makes sense.” California was too hot in September, she knew a few people who exercised early in the morning or late at night when the sun was less burning and the air a little cooler.

There was a pregnant pause, and Rey shifted on the bed, rolling over to look at the lamp on the bedside table, her fingers gripping the phone like it was a lifeline. How did someone bring up the subject of therapy without making them panic?

“Is everything okay, Rey? Is Rian alright?” Ben asked after what felt like minutes but was probably just a few seconds.

“He’s fine. He’s in bed.” Rey winced, realising her mistake. “Actually, he’s been really quiet this evening... it isn’t like him. Has he seemed weird to you? In his texts?”

“Really? He seemed okay to me.” Ben replied, he voice sounded surprised through the small speaker.

“Oh.” Deflated, her hand loosened around the phone. “He didn’t say anything about school? Or chess club?”

“Nope. I thought chess club was cancelled.”

Rey’s eyebrows pinched together. “No. No, chess club wasn’t cancelled. I picked him up-“ She froze. Remembering how Rian had already been waiting outside the school when she arrived, and none of the other kids were there with him. Had he not gone? What had he done for an hour before she came to collect him? “He lied to me.” She breathed, mortified. “He- he’s never done anything like that before.” Little white lies, sure, like pretending he had brushed his teeth when he hadn’t, or how long he had been on his computer for. But never anything like this - skipping school - that just wasn’t like her son. “He loves chess club...”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise, or I would have text you-” Ben started but she cut him off.

“It’s okay. You couldn’t have known.” She sighed, pressing her palm into her eye. She was tired. Rey never felt old, even though she had an eleven-year-old. But tonight, the aches of the day and the realisation that her son had lied to her, started to weigh her down. “Did he- Did he say anything about what he did instead?”

“No. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologise. You couldn’t have known.”

“Rey.” He spoke up after a moment of silence. “I know we didn’t get off on the right foot...” She could hear him breathing as she waited for him to continue. “But I want you to know how much of a brilliant mother to Rian I think you are. And whatever the reason he skipped chess club and lied… I know you can handle it.”

She was a split second from thanking him when he kept speaking.

“That being said. I think this is a sign that Rian may be struggling with his feelings.”

“I know.” She murmured down the line.

“Do you think we should revisit the therapy idea?” She knew that was what he was going to say, hell, that’s why she had called him in the first place. And she was grateful he didn’t seem to be patronising her, his tone halfway between firm and supportive. But with these new developments, she suddenly doubted herself. Was it too soon to make such a big, and possibly self-esteem damaging decision for her son? It has only been a week, maybe it was too soon to judge how well he was coping?

“Maybe. Let me speak to him first. It could be unrelated.” Staring up at the white ceiling, she tried not to picture Ben’s face in front of her. “He’s eleven, it could be that him and his girlfriend had an argument, or some teacher had a go at him or something.” Rey said, trying to make herself feel less worried with other logical reasons for Rian’s little lie.

“He has a girlfriend?”

“God no! A girl. That is his friend. Not a girlfriend.” Rey clarified.

“Oh. Good.” Ben cleared his throat. “I only just became a father, I’m not sure I can handle the whole sex talk thing just yet.”

“You and me both. But he’s only eleven, Ben. It will be a few more years before we need to worry about that.” She said, gratefully. “I’m dreading it. He’s growing up so fast.”

It was only when the line went deathly quiet that she realised her mistake. She had had eleven years of Rian, watching him discover the world, starting to crawl and talk, then walk and read and write and all the other things he had learnt. She had been there and experienced them all with him over the years, and still the feeling of him growing up too quickly and becoming independent hurt her, filling her with a sadness she knew only a parent could understand. And yet couldn’t imagine how painful it was for Ben. He had missed every one of those moments, unaware of his son’s existence, precious memories that couldn’t ever be repeated or shared.

She hoped he would be able to experience them with a second child, knowing he was only in his late thirties and the chance to meet someone and have another kid was still likely to happen. Especially when he looked like he does, her mind added. She bet he would have made a great dad to a giggling baby, or a grumpy toddler, the image of him carrying a tiny baby in a papoose on that incredibly big chest of his springing into her head.

“I’ll speak with him tomorrow morning.” She spoke up, steering the topic back to the reason she called. “But if he mentions anything, can you let me know?”

“Of course.” There was a slight whine, as if Ben had gone to speak but stopped himself, only for him to gain the confidence back a second later. “Could you keep me updated as well? Please?”

“I will. Thank you, Ben. I really... it was nice to talk to you.” They said a quick goodbye, and Rey hung up, staring at the screen as it faded black. That had been... surprisingly easy. Refreshing even, to speak to someone else about parenting.

Putting her phone down, Rey couldn’t help but feel positive about her and Ben co-parenting. A lot of other Mom’s at school talked about how it had sometimes been ugly but was now the best thing that could have happened. That they were much happier and had a better relationship with their kids and the father now that they had separated. It made her feel hopeful about how her and Ben could handle both being Rian’s parent, that Ben supported her, believed in her, and she would keep him informed of what he needed to know.

For the first time in a week, she fell asleep easily. Without the worries of lawyers or court battles plaguing her dreams.

The next morning, her and Rian sat at their small dining table as they ate breakfast, and when Rey confronted him about skipping chess club, Rian immediately admitted to lying.

“I’m sorry... I thought you wouldn’t find out.” His small shoulders slumped, his fringe falling into his eyes. Rey resisted the urge to push his curly black hair away from his face, knowing he didn’t like her treating him like that anymore.

“I spoke with Ben. He’s worried about you as well.”

“I didn’t mean to.” Rian admitted and she believed him. “I wanted to go but...” Rey watched as the tips of his ears turned red, she wondered if that was something that happened to his father, who’s large protruding ears her son had obviously inherited. “But Ana told Chris she’d sit next to him...” He mumbled something she couldn’t make out and suddenly it all made sense.

“And you didn’t want to see the girl you like sitting next to someone else?” She asked, her voice gentle.

“No! I don’t care about Ana.” Rian huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t like Chris.”

“Oh? I thought he was your friend.”

“He was.” Rey tilted her head as she watched her son’s bottom lip poke out in a pout. “He’s a jerk.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” She knew to tread carefully when getting information from Rian. He was an honest and open kid, usually talking freely about other kids and what had been occurring, but when pushed, he often realised he had overshared, and worried he would get his friends in trouble, he shut up.

“I dunno. He... he’s just a jerk.” Rian shrugged, looking down at his bowl of cereal. “He said... he said he wished my father had stayed dead.”

“Oh.” Rey’s heart broke. Chris’ dad has passed away when he was only a few months old. She wasn’t 100% on exactly what, but she knew from Rian it was some form of cancer. Not knowing their fathers was something they had in common. And now, by what most people would consider a miracle, Rian’s dad was back from the dead and he suddenly had a chance to get to know him... No wonder Chris was acting like a jerk to him. He must be jealous about what he considered Rian’s luck. “You know... you know he’s probably really upset that you have the chance to get to know your father now.” Rian nodded to himself and she knew he already understood where she was coming from. “He... This is probably a really hard reminder that he won’t get that chance.”

“I know.” Rian said, still seeming grumpy.

“But that doesn’t excuse what he said.” Rey continued, knowing exactly how cruel eleven years olds can be and how that conversation most likely played out. “But maybe you can forgive him? Just this once... For being a jerk?” He nodded. “Good.” Rey said, proud that her son was able to see it from the other boy’s perspective and forgive him. Picking up both their bowls and placed them in the sink, turning and crossing her arms over her chest. “But that doesn’t change the fact you skipped chess club and lied, Rian.”

There was a groan from the table, and she continued.

“So no computer tonight. Unless it’s for homework.”

“Mom!” He cried out, but it was weak. He knew he had done something wrong.

“You know what, you tell me what you did instead for an hour, and I’ll let you play on Fortnite for ten minutes.” Rey raised an eyebrow at him. “Do that sound fair?”

“You can’t even play one game in ten minutes.” He grumbled.

“It’s ten or nothing. Your choice.”

“Ugh…” Rian pulled himself out of his chair, tucking his phone into his pocket as he went into his room to get his bag ready for school. Rey followed, knowing the conversation wasn’t over. “I dunno. I sat on the bench and waited.”

“You don’t know?” She raised an eyebrow at his turned back as he grabbed a notepad and shoved it into his backpack before zipping it shut.

“I just… I wanted to be alone.” Rey understood that feeling. She had been a loner at school, being bounced around foster homes and schools every year usually made it hard to make friends. So she had spent many lunch breaks with just herself for company. “I text Ben.”

“What did you talk about?” She really didn’t want to snoop, but she had a right to know what her son was talking to his father about, didn’t she?

“Stuff. Fortnite.”

“Fortnite?” She couldn’t hide her surprise at that.

“He said he’s been practising. He’s level 32 now.”

“Is that good?” Rian shrugged and Rey was left none the wiser. Sitting on the edge of his bed, she grabbed his hand and pulled him so he was facing her. “Rian, you have to agree not to skip school or clubs again, okay?” He nodded, looking down at their hands. “Look at me.” She encouraged and he did. His warm brown eyes were soft and wide, like a puppy, and Rey felt her heart clench. He was just a kid, Rey thought to herself, he was going to get his feelings hurt, feel lonely, get angry, have crushes, all in the next few years, and there was nothing Rey could do to stop it. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t be supportive and loving. Everything she didn’t have when she was his age. “If you don’t want to go, call me and I’ll come pick you up. I won’t be mad. Just… don’t wait outside alone again. It’s not safe.” He nodded again, this time his arms wrapping around her neck and Rey held onto him tightly. This was the affectionate son she knew. Her eyes got watery, but she blinked the tears away before letting go. “Come on, or we’re going to be late.”

The car journey to school was back to normal. Rian chatted animatedly about a chemistry project they were going to do today at school, and when he hopped out of the car, he waved and ran off, all his worries about the previous day forgotten.

She waited and watched him enter the building before driving off, a soft smile on her face as she made her way to work.

It wasn’t until 11 that she remembered she hadn’t text Ben. And she was only reminded when a throat cleared next to her and she looked down at a pair of familiar shoes and faded black jeans from where her head was currently located under a car bonnet.

Closing her eyes, she cursed herself as she extracted her head and turned to face Ben Solo.

“Ben.”

“Rey. I hope you don’t mind me popping by again.”

Leaning past him, she grabbed a rag and started to wipe her hands, not realising how close her head was to his crotch until it was too late. Straightening up quickly, she shook her head.

“No. No, it’s fine. I forgot to text you, didn’t I?”

“You did.” As if by magic, he produced a cardboard carrier that held two coffee cups. “I already gave Finn and Rose theirs.” He explained as he popped a cup out of its slot and held it out to her.

“Wow. You didn’t have to…” But taking a sip from the plastic lid, she groaned. This is how coffee was supposed to taste but rarely did. “Thank you.” He watched her carefully as she took another sip and rolled her eyes in pleasure, his own cup hovering a centimetre from his mouth. “This is so good.”

“It’s from a place a few blocks over. Ambrose Café.” Ben explained, his voice sounding smoother than the luxurious coffee she was drinking. “They sell cakes as well. I… we could meet up there sometime if you want? With Rian.”

Her heart beat a little faster in her chest as she spoke, and she had to force herself to calm down. “Right. With Rian.” She nodded a little too enthusiastically. “I’m so sorry I forgot to text you.” She said, quickly changing the subject. “I spoke to him this morning and he explained everything.” She looked over to see Finn and Rose watching them closely as they drank their coffee as well. Were they judging her? She wondered, feeling much more awkward all of a sudden as she tried to tuck a loose strand of hair out of her face and behind her ear only to realise her fingers were still covered in oil and she had no doubt rubbed some on her cheek.

“Is, er, is everything alright?” Rey nodded.

“Let’s get some fresh air.” She suggested, brushing past Ben’s arm as she headed to the large doors that led out to the front of her garage.

Once outside, she finally managed to look at Ben properly. He was wearing a deep red t-shirt today, and he must have just bought the same one in different colours as it clung to his shoulders and chest exactly the same way as the one he was wearing the last time he came by. It seemed like a Ben Solo thing to do. She looked down at her denim overalls and the little white top she wore underneath them, feeling the total opposite in fashion and style as him.

“There’s this boy. Chris.” Rey started and watched as Ben’s mouth formed a tight line. His eyes hardening.

“Chris…” He echoed through gritted teeth.

“Yeah. He’s in Rian’s class.” She began to explain only for Ben’s loud exhale to inturpted her train of thought.

“Oh. I thought- Nevermind.”

“He lost his dad to cancer when he was just a baby. Turns out, Chris said some not nice things out of jealousy, and Rian didn’t want to see him in Chess Club.” Rey explained, rotating her shoulders in the sun, trying to loosen them up.

“That makes sense.”

Rey hummed her agreement as she took another sip of coffee before talking again. “But if I’m honest, I think it had something to do with the girl Rian likes as well, Ana. Chris had also asked Ana if he could sit next to her at Chess Club and I don’t think Rian wanted to see that either.”

Ben blinked at her, stunned at the new information. “I see.”

“Honestly, it was probably a combination of both. But he won’t do it again.”

“Did he promise?”

“We don’t do promises in my house.” Rey said automatically and she watched as Ben’s expression softened, like she had said she didn’t have birthdays or chocolate, which to be fair, she hadn’t had either of those growing up either. “He was back to his normal self when I dropped him off at school.” She assured Ben. “But I did say he could only play on his computer for ten minutes tonight as punishment for lying.” She added.

“That’s fair. But you should take away his phone as well, he can play Fortnite on that.”

Rey gawked at him, stunned. “He can play that damn game on his phone as well?” Groaning, she went to rub her forehead but remembered her dirty hands. “He’s been keeping that quiet.” Ben laughed at her, it was a warm sound that filled the space around her.

“I bet there’s lots of things he will soon be keeping quiet about.” Ben said, knowingly and Rey groaned.

“Don’t remind me.”

“If he’s anything like me, he’ll be a moody little shit.” Ben tilted his head back to take a long gulp of his drink, and Rey tried not to focus too intensely on the way his throat looked. “Anger issues as well.”

“Great. Thanks for the heads up.” Rey muttered sarcastically.

“I’m sure your cheeriness will round him out.” Ben added.

“God. How did you’re parents cope?”

“Not well. But not awful either.” He admitted and Rey couldn’t help but find his comment fascinating. What was his childhood like? Was it his anger that led him to the military and not politics like his mother? “It was a long time ago.”

Rey scoffed. “What forty, fifty years?” She teased, which earned her a scowl in return.

“I’m only six years older than you.” Ben pointed out defensively, which made her laugh.

“Okay boomer.”

“I… I don’t know what that means.” He admitted, which only made her laugh harder.

Patting him on the arm, being careful not to touch his expensive looking tee, she smiled. “Don’t worry about it.” He looked down at where she had just touched, an indecipherable expression on his face and she realised her mistake. “Oh god. Is touching not okay?” She cringed and stepped back quickly. “Is it a PTSD thing?”

Ben frowned, his eyes lifting slowly to meet hers. “No.” His mouth twisted in a way that fascinated her as he spoke slowly. “No. Touching is… touching is okay.” He finally said before straightening his back, the easy atmosphere around them suddenly gone. “I should go, and let you get back to work.”

“Right.” She nodded. “It… it was nice to see you, Ben.” She said honestly.

He looked down at her, his eyes dark and unreadable, and now he stood at his full height, she realised how tall and imposing he could be. If she didn’t know better, she would have found him almost frightening.

“It was good to see you too, Rey.” He lingered for a moment more.

Her breath caught in her throat and her pulse quickened as he lifted his hand, his thumb hovering an inch away from her cheek. She resisted the urge to flinch back, telling herself she was being silly, only to see how his eyes scanned over her face. What was he doing? Was he going to kiss her? Was she going to let him? Her mind raced and her eyes fluttered closed unwittingly for a second before she felt the pad of his thumb brush over her skin.

His touch vanished as quickly as it appeared. Rey’s eyes flew open and as her pupils adjusted to the light, she could make out the dark oily smudge on his fingertip.

“You had some grease on you.” Ben explained softly, looking at the dirt with an unwarranted fascination that mirrored hers. Shaking her out of the trance, Ben pulled away, wiping his hand on back of his jeans. The stain gone.

“Thank you.” She muttered, feeling breathless at the tiny bit of contact. Of course he was just being nice and making sure she didn’t embarrass herself in front of a customer with a giant oil mark on her face. It wasn’t anything more than that, she told herself, scolding her body and brain for making it feel more intimate than it really was.

“No problem. See you Thursday.”

“Yep.” Thursday. When he was taking Rian to see that spider person movie. “See you then.”

Ben walked over to his car, and Rey noted how nice the Mercedes-Benz SUV he drove was. Waving, she turned and went back into the shop before he drove away, feeling sheepish all of a sudden as she threw away her empty coffee cup.

Why had she reacted like that? Maybe her hormones were shot, she was nearing her period, she tried to reason. But she had never acted like a schoolgirl with a crush around anyone like that before. Then again, she never gave anyone the chance to get that close, so she couldn’t be certain either way.

Shaking her head, she grabbed her spanner and went back to work on the car she had been looking at, trying to clear her head and not think about Ben Solo or the way his fingers had felt as they stroked her cheek.

Nope, she didn’t think about the rough pad of his thumb, or the way his eyes darkened as he gazed down at her, her mouth parting in anticipation. Ben Solo was the furthers thing from her mind, and not at all the reasons she had lost focus several times that afternoon and even twisted her finger in an engine belt.

“Fuck.” She swore, sucking her finger in her mouth in an effort to relieve the pain. Nope. This wasn’t Ben Solo’s fault at all, she told herself, lobbing the spanner in her hand halfway across the garage in anger. She watched as it clanged to the ground, giving her no satisfaction from the outburst. She was just tired, she lied to herself, making a mental note to go to bed earlier tonight and catch up on some obviously needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey can't stop thinking of Ben, it seems... 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and kudos, I really appreciate it and love reading your thoughts on the story :-) 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter, or support me [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	7. Chapter Seven

For the first hour on her own, Rey stormed around the flat tidying and finding new homes for objects that didn’t have one yet. She had blitzed the whole apartment, including the both bedrooms and the kitchen, before looking at her phone and realising it would still be two hours before Rian and Ben came back.

So she decided to have a bath. Pouring herself a large glass of wine, she watched as the water filled the tub, bubbles foaming and the gentle smell of vanilla and honey wafting around the small bathroom.

It was only when she sat back in the hot water, a video of rainfall playing on her phone, she managed to let herself relax.

She used to hate baths, growing up in houses that didn’t have them, and not understanding why people would want to soak in their own filth, but then she had gotten her own place which had a large tub, and she fell in love.

Carefully putting her wine glass on the edge of the tub, she stretched out her legs and toes, and let the water cover her as she lay back against the little pillow she had gotten as a Christmas present from Rose a few years ago. It was heavenly.

She let her mind wander, recalling her brief conversation with Ben earlier before they had left. He wanted to discuss regular and frequent visits with Rian, and while she wanted to avoid that topic, as per her lawyer’s instruction, she also felt bad. Ben was so obvious about wanting to be involved in his son’s life, it made him desperate. And while she could use that to her advantage at the moment, limiting his time while he still felt guilty for intruding in their lives, she had to be cautious that Ben’s desperation didn’t turn into frustration directed at her, and frustration making him do something rash.

Amilyn had been very clear on the phone that morning when they had had their catch up. Don’t set a precedent with random visits, don’t let Ben become integrated in their lives so it feels normal for him to just ‘pop over’, but also control and limit his set visit, never let him have regular days or plan too far in advance. It was going to be a delicate balance, but Amilyn had explained that limiting Ben’s interaction with Rian, while not looking like she was actually _stopping_ him from seeing his son, would look better to a court.

Rey had expressed her doubts, but Amilyn had very firmly bought Rey back down to reality, hammering home that her _best case scenario_ if it went to court would be split custody, with Ben having all the decision making rights, and could she really handle that? Could she be happy just seeing her son every other week, or in a 3-3-4-4 arrangement. Terms Rey was only just discovering.

The older women had then gently talked her though the kind of questions that would come up in a legal battle, how Ben’s lawyer would question her ability to be a good mother, bring up her past or her lack of family support system, boasting how Ben has parents who are still alive and well and can give Rian the more traditional upbringing. Rey hated that word. Traditional. Traditional didn’t always mean perfect. Amilyn had been blunt, but it was the reality check Rey needed.

Rey knew what was best for Rian, and that was staying with his mother. She was just going to have to be smart about negotiating that.

And negotiating had never been her strong suit, but Poe had had a long conversation with her at lunch today, offering her advice on how to best handle the situation. Rey had a plan, and she just had to stick to it.

She would offer Ben one day a week, he would immediately say that wasn’t enough and she would reluctantly offer him a second day. When he inevitably asked for three, she would stay firm at two, only to give in and suggest they ‘share’ Rian on Sunday for soccer practise.

She winced at the words. ‘Share’ Rian. Like he was a car or a pasta maker, like the one her and Rose bought together and said they would share only for it to sit in the back of one of their kitchen cabinets until they remembered it again and swapped it back to the other to use for a while.

Which reminded her, she had to text Rose and see if she wanted that back or not…

After an hour of soaking her muscles, and cleaning her skin until it was prune-like, Rey got out the bath.

Drying her hair with a towel, she went over exactly what she was going to say out loud, repeating key sentences Poe had told her until she figured out the right tone.

“I _suppose_ we could both take him to football on Sundays.” She cringed at her terrible acting. “I suppose we _could_ both take him to football on Sundays.” She tried to stress a different word but it sounded worse in her ears. “I suppose we could _both_ take him to football on Sundays?” She smiled at herself as she started to brush her hair in the mirror. “Yep, that’s the one.”

It was nearing 10pm, and while she would usually get straight into her pyjamas after a bath, she doubted her authority would have quite the same affect in an oversized promotional t-shirt she got send from Dunlop Tyres. Instead, she went for a pair of black leggings and a long white blouse that’s sleeves were always rolled up and went just past her thighs. It was thick enough that she couldn’t see the dark leggings underneath, and that was the best she could ask for up against his designer clothes and brooding model good looks.

She tried not to get anxious as her phone buzzed with a text, and unlocking the screen she was pleased to see it was Ben texting to say they were on their way home. Taking a deep breath in, she readied herself and finished her glass of wine with a large gulp, before washing and drying it then hiding it back in the cupboard so Ben wouldn’t know she had been drinking to work up the nerves to face him.

Rian bounded through the door just before half past, instantly telling her how great the movie was and going over the whole plot before she had to remind him to go brush his teeth and get ready for bed before he could say bye to Ben.

“How was it?” She asked when Rian had left the living room.

“It was… loud. I actually enjoyed it. Although I thought Tobey Maguire was going to be in it.” He admitted.

“That’s like, three Spider-Men ago.” Rey waved her hand and was tempted to tease him for his lack of pop culture knowledge when she remembered exactly _why_ he wasn’t aware of the last twelve years and how superhero movies had taken over the box office.

“I am now _very_ aware of that.” Ben smiled and Rey watched as the dimpled lined his face.

“Done!” Rian announced, dressed in his bed clothes.

“Did you brush your teeth?” Rey asked, a firmness in her tone that let him know she already knew the answer. After all, he had only been gone thirty seconds.

“No.” He moaned, turning around and running to the bathroom.

“You’re good at that.”

“Good at what?”

“The stern mom thing.” Ben commented and Rey quirked an eyebrow at him. “My mom was like that too. It’s… It’s nice.” Ben cleared his throat, suddenly seeming uncomfortable with what he was saying. “It’s familiar.” He tried to clarify, but it was too late. She could see the tips of his ears turning red through his dark hair as he blushed. She noted that he had that in common with Rian before smiling softly at him.

“Thanks. I think.”

“It’s a compliment. I mean, I meant it as a compliment.”

Rey stared at him, wondering if that odd comment had stemmed from some kind of mommy issues that she needed to be worried about, but he kept talking and she had to force herself to focus.

“I’m dreading the day I need to be stern.” His hand had found its way to the back of his neck, as if it was a comfort to him. “I don’t want to make him angry at me and push me away.”

“He’s a good kid. If you have to punish him, he usually knows exactly why in the first place. You’ll be fine.” Rey tried to reassure him. “Just take away computer or tv privileges. I haven’t had to go as far to withhold pocket money or force him to paint the fence or fish for bottles.”

“Pardon?”

“Oh. Allowance. He gets his allowance by doing little chores around the house, washing up, hanging up laundry-” She started to explain, realising she used a British-ism he might not be familiar with.

“No, not that. The fence thing? The bottles?” Rey froze, how had she been so stupid? Ben wasn’t her _friend_ , she should be this open around him. Finn, Poe and Rose knew all about that stuff, mostly because Finn had been subject to similar foster parents while in the system, but Ben… Ben wasn’t like her. He wouldn’t understand.

“Old foster parents.” She tried to sound casual, as it wasn’t a big deal and he would be the one overreacting if he found it weird. “As punishment they used to make me repaint their garden fence, even if I had done it only weeks before. It was just a way to keep me busy with boredom. Sometimes I’d do the neighbours if I had already done it really recently.” Those had been okay foster parents, strict, a little too religious for her liking, but they never hurt her. It had been a decent year living with them.

“And the bottle thing?” Ben asked, his voice tender, as if he already knew the answer but wanted her to prove him wrong.

“That was a different foster parent.” She said, shutting down the conversation but walking to the kitchen. “Do you want a drink?” She asked, pouring a glass of water and offering it to him before grabbing one for herself.

Running a shaking hand over her forehead, she tried not to think of Plutt, but it was too late.

He had been an awful foster parent, and she had ended up in his care a total of three times, as he had a knack for taking in the really desperate kids. He made them work, either in his junk yard when they were good, cleaning bits of scrap metal or organising random objects into some kind of system, but if he had thought they had done something wrong, that’s when he sent them out. It was a long day for a kid, walking around the streets, searching dumpsters for things Plutt might be able to fix and sell on, or empty bottles Rey could take to the bottle bank and hope she’d make enough money that Plutt wouldn’t make her go out again the next day.

She always felt sick when she told Rian off for not doing his chores, knowing he was just a kid and that was a precious gift she didn’t have the luxury of having. She didn’t want him to feel like a slave in his own home, she knew how awful that was and wouldn’t wish it on anybody, but chores were part of teaching him to look after himself, respect things, and learn responsibilities. It took her a long time to come to peace that household chores to earn allowance, were on the opposite end of the spectrum to what Plutt made her do.

Downing half her glass in one gulp, Rey wiped her hand over her mouth and hoped Ben hadn’t noticed her trembling.

Luckily Rian rushed back out of the bathroom, and stood straight in front of her.

“Can I stay up a little later and play one video game with Ben?” He begged.

“No.” Rey shut him down quickly. “It’s already an hour past your bedtime, mister!” She ruffled his hair and used the hand on his head to turn his body around. “Now, say goodnight to Ben, then it’s lights out.” She instructed.

Rian’s movements were sluggish now as he walked towards Ben.

“Thank you for the movie. And the hotdog. And the sweets.” Rey quirked an eyebrow up at Ben at that new piece of information. Spoiling Rian may be a recurring theme with Ben Solo.

“No problem, kiddo.” Rey watched as Ben’s hand twitched, his arm moving a fraction as if he wanted to reach out and mess up Rian’s hair like she just had but changed his mind. It broke her heart to see him so unsure about himself, but luckily Rian didn’t notice his father’s hesitation. “Goodnight.” He called out as Rian took off towards his room.

“Night!” Rian shouted, stifling a yawn.

Then they were left alone again.

“Do you-”

“Can I-” They both spoke over each other, but Ben offered his hand, letting her continue.

“Do you want to sit down?” They both silently retreated to the living room section of the room, Ben sitting in the armchair that was a touch too small for him, his feet awkwardly angling towards each other as he tried to cross his ankles and get comfortable. Rey just took the sofa, curling her legs under herself and checking her oversized blouse was still covering her properly.

She reached for the notepad and pen she had purposefully left on the coffee table and looked up to see Ben unfolding a piece of paper from his pocket. She frowned, but quickly told herself that she couldn’t be annoyed at him for preparing for this conversation when she had done exactly the same thing.

“My… my lawyer told me to read this to you first, if that’s okay?” Her jaw clenched, but she nodded. “The decisions made tonight between myself and Rey Johnson are not a binding agreement for the long term care of Rian Johnson. They are a verbal agreement that can be rescinded by either party at any time, or until a legal contract supersedes the decided.” He looked down at the paper for a moment longer, his forehead creased in emotions she didn’t recognise or understand on him. “There’s another bit here… but I don’t think it is… I don’t want to read it.”

“It’s alright. Your lawyer clearly wants you to.” She didn’t know why she encouraged him, but he must have already made up his mind, refolding the paper several times until it could fit inside his pocket.

“I’m not… I think that first part is enough.”

“Okay.” In all honesty, if that first part was the less intimidating sentence, she dreaded to think what the second half said. “I didn’t have my lawyer write up anything.” She admitted, feeling grossly underprepared, even after the severe conversation she had with Amilyn earlier.

“I didn’t want to.” Ben admitted, and Rey half believed him. He was a grown man, if he didn’t want to read that statement, then he didn’t have to, so some part of him clearly thought it was a good idea to protect his interests from hers.

“Right, well. Now _that’s_ over with…” Rey sat up a little straighter, quickly jotting down a couple of the words he had said in that statement. Not binding. Rescinded. Superseded. She sort of understood the gist of what he had said, but she was still going to run it by Poe and Amilyn. “I was thinking, with Rian only just starting this new school, I don’t want to unsettle him with lots of late nights or back and forth during the week.” Ben nodded, one solid head shake that she knew meant he was listening but didn’t like the direction she was going. “So, I think it’s best if we stick to the Friday nights, and then when he is more comfortable, he can perhaps stay round yours.” She offered, hoping it would be enough for the moment.

“While I agree with you, Rian’s education is of great importance, I don’t want to effect his performance at school, I have spent a couple of weeknights here now and I don’t think it is having a negative impact.”

“Well, it’s not even been two weeks and he’s already skipped chess club once to text you instead.” Rey countered.

“That was an unrelated event.” Ben replied quickly, his voice deep and firm. Rey narrowed her eyes. He… he was tougher than she thought he would be. With all of his soft interactions with Rian, and brining her coffee at work, Rey had let her guard down and now she was seeing the real, business, Ben Solo. She didn’t like it.

“I don’t think we can say that. I think Friday evenings is fair. I understand that you want to get to know him, but he has homework and afterschool clubs, and football at weekends. Friday really is the only time I can give you without asking Rian to sacrifice one of his hobbies.”

“I refuse to believe that, Rey.” Her name sounded odd coming from his mouth in that tone. “You see him all week, I do not think it is overstepping to ask for Friday nights through to Sunday mornings when he has soccer practise. I know several parents who have a weekday/weekend arrangement and I think it is the best for everyone.”

“No.” Rey said a little too loud, quickly shooting a look at the hallway before lowering her voice. “No. That’s too much. It’s too soon.”

“For Rian or for you?” Ben knew he had gone too far the moment the words left him mouth. His eyes widening as her jaw dropped. He looked stunned, shocked by himself and ready to say something more, but Rey recovered quicker. She could see his military experience in moments like this, the way he’s treating her like a ticking time bomb, one wrong move away from exploding. And by the look of horror on his face, he was acting like he had just kicked the bomb like it was a football.

She took a long breath in and out, trying to control her anger and not prove him right. “For everyone, Ben.” She said firmly. “Rian needs stability, especially now, and like it or not, he has been with me for eleven years. This is his home. His friends live nearby, his family is in Pasadena. If you take him away every weekend you will be robbing him of everything he knows and he will resent you for that. He’ll miss birthday parties, sleepovers, soccer games…” She watched as the realisation dawned on him. Rey wasn’t fighting for her to keep Rian all to herself, she was fighting for Rian to keep his life as normal as possible. “And I think you need to ask yourself, are you ready to look after an eleven-year-old for 36 hours at a time? Are you ready to cook and clean and entertain and supervise just yet? A lot of mood swings happen in a day, and if he yells that he hates you and hides in his room, are you going to be able to handle that?” She gave him a pointed look. “I can give you Tuesday and Friday nights. You can come here for dinner on Tuesday and take him out on Fridays. You can get to know him in small chunks where you are both excited and happy to see each other. Wouldn’t you rather have those kind of positive interactions with him? Wouldn’t that be better for both of you at this stage?”

She made a valid point, and she watched as he slowly accepted what she was saying to be the truth and what was best for their son. But it didn’t mean he liked it, having clearly set his mind on having Rian for the weekend.

It would take something else to soften the blow to his plan. Rey took a sip of her water and placed it carefully back on the table. “And I suppose we could _both_ take him to football on Sundays.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him nodding to himself, his hand running through his hair as he sat back in the chair.

“Okay.” He sighed, sounding resigned. “But we go out for lunch after.” He added, and Rey understood. He had to fight for his son, had to push in every way he could to prove that he was there and wanted to be there for him.

“There’s a Denny’s right by the soccer club.” Rey offered and Ben scoffed. It was the first time she saw his rich upbringing showing in his attitude and not just his looks.

“I’ll find somewhere for us to go.”

“Alright.” She smiled at him, it was a small smile, one of kindness. “It… this isn’t personal.” She admitted, feeling guilty, like she had won somehow, even if this was the conversation he wanted to have in the first place and it felt like they were both losing.

“I know. I know.” Ben held out a hand. “Do you mind?” It took her a moment to realise that he wanted her notepad, flustering to tear off her notes before handing it over to him. He spoke the words out loud as he wrote them down. “Monday, chess club. Tuesday, dinner and evening together here. Wednesday, soccer practice. Thursday, Rey evening. Friday, Ben evening. Saturday, Rey day. Sunday, soccer practice and lunch together.” His tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip as he continued to write, and Rey couldn’t help but stare at the shape of his mouth as looked down at the paper. “Are you happy to sign this?” She pulled herself out of her daze as he showed her the agreement they had decided.

“Sure. I want to see your house first, before you take Rian to it.” She remembered, taking the paper and scanning it over.

“Of course. I’m free all weekend. And week.” She knew he didn’t have a job, but she did wonder what he did during all that free time, but now wasn’t that time for that.

“You have very nice handwriting.” She commented offhandedly, surprised at the perfect calligraphy, as she signed her name under his and handed it back.

“Thanks.” He took out his phone and took a photo before leaving the pad on the coffee table. “You can keep that as your copy.” He explained.

“Thanks.” And refusing to let them sit there in an awkward silence, Rey kept talking. “I hope that wasn’t too painful.”

“As painful as re-evaluating your opinion on anything is.” Ben muttered, and Rey’s lips turned up at his sarcasm. “But thank you, Rey. I know this couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“Maybe I should be thanking you.” Rey teased. “I haven’t had a Friday night free since 2009.”

Her comment made Ben pause. She watched as he looked at her, his eyes scanning her face with a curiosity and bemusement she didn’t understand. Like she was some kind of artwork he was trying to figure out the artists motivation for painting.

“Why did you adopt Rian?” There was a small intake of breath and she realised it was her. “You were, what, twenty, twenty-one when you adopted him? You’re young and beautiful, surely you would have found someone and had your own kids. Why adopt?”

Rey shrugged, feeling herself get defensive. “You’ve read my file. You should know.”

“It mentions you getting into some money and being able to provide a home. Ben Kenobi withheld a lot of the screening process documents as they weren’t necessary.” Rey nodded to herself, grateful that the older man had managed to keep some of her details private.

“Right.” She stood up, and made her way to the kitchen. “There are some things in my life that you aren’t entitled to just because of the situation we’ve found ourselves in.” Rey started, turning around from behind the breakfast bar to see him standing, his eyes following her every movement. She had been very good at keeping calm, but when Ben started to walk towards her, his long legs covering the small distance in only a few steps, she worried that he would keep pushing her. “The same way I’m not asking you why you care so much about Rian. You’re still young and beautiful,” She echoed his phrase from earlier. “And rich. Why don’t you just go out and find a nice wife and start a family with them? I had my reasons, not even some of my closest friends know all of them, so I hope you would respect my privacy and not press the matter, and I will do the same for you.”

She expected an argument. She expected a lecture. Instead, the soft rumble of his voice filled the small kitchen, surrounding her in its warmth. “I hope one day we can be friends, Rey.” His candidness surprised her.

Looking up at his dark, sad eyes, she was grateful for the counter in between them. “So do I, Ben.” His lips parted, and her gaze dropped down to watch as he slowly sucked in a breath. “So do I.”

It felt like a step in the right direction, a new level of respect to add to the foundations of them working together being Rian’s parents.

Going to sleep that night, Rey felt good about the current state of their relationship. She just had to stop thinking about that pair of lusciously pouty lips, or the strange way they made her feel as they said her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even if it was a little heavy and not much fun between them. 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and kudos, I really appreciate it and love reading your thoughts on the story :-) 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter, or support me [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	8. Chapter Eight

Adjusting her sunglasses against the morning sun, Rey scanned over the field to see Rian skipping back and forth with another teammate, warming up in that weird routine she thought looked a bit silly but Rian assured her there was lots of precise science behind that she just didn’t understand. It just looked like skipping to her.

She wore her usual ‘soccer mom’ outfit, that consisted of the oversized 2018/2019 Tottenham Hotspur home shirt she ordered on eBay, tucked into her denim shorts. She was comfortable but felt instantly underdressed and scruffy when she had seen Ben get out of his car earlier.

Another pair of dark jeans, only a little tighter than his usual pair, were a stark contrast to the white t-shirt he had on, with his hair styled back to look effortlessly perfect. He looked classic, Rey mused. A mix of black and white, light and dark.

She had been grateful for the sunglasses that hid her eyes slowly taking him in.

They had said a quick hi before Rian had to run off and start stretching, but since then had barely said a word to each other.

Looking around at the other parents that had gathered along the edge of the field, she noticed a few of them eyeing her and this new man. Sighing, her craned her neck and began to speak at the exact same moment he did as well.

“Do you-”

“Do the-”

Rey waved her hand, signalling him to continue. He cleared her throat, shoving his hands as far into his pockets as the skinny jeans allowed him.

“Do the other parents usually stare this much?”

Rey cracked a laugh, at least she wasn’t the only one who noticed their unsubtle gazes.

“Nope. I don’t see why they care.” She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Me bringing a man along shouldn’t be gossip, but I doubt there’s much other drama so… Whadda ya gonna do?”

Ben smiled, looking down at his feet. She could tell he was a little self-conscious, probably unused to the attention of the soccer moms. She was going to speak again, ask how his Saturday was, or if he had found a restaurant for later, when Ben pulled out his phone, holding it up to try and take a picture of Rian running around.

“Oh. You can’t do that here.” She said quickly. “It’s a rule they have, child protection and stuff.” She explained.

“Oh. I- I didn’t-”

“It’s okay.” He looked forlorn and Rey was struck with the urge to comfort him. Maybe it was the way his eyes got a little sad, or how his mouth went pouty, so similar to Rian’s, that she wanted to mollify it. “They, er, they have a professional photographer come in every season, they take really good photos of them playing. I’ll see if I can find the ones from this summer.” She pulled her phone from her back pocket and started to flick through the photos she had on it, before spotting Zorii heading over. The older woman’s mouth was quirked up in a smirk, her eyes hungry for details. There was no choice but to interact, Rey realised with dread. So she might as well bite the bullet and not let it show how much this was freaking her out.

“Hey Zorii.” She greeted, trying not to cross her arms. “How are you?”

“I’m good, thanks for asking.” The blonde woman eyed Ben, not even trying to be delicate about her obvious interest. “And who is your friend?”

Ben did the polite thing and held out his hand. “Ben. Ben Solo. I’m-”

“He’s Rian’s biological father.” Rey jumped in, unsure of why she felt the need to. Maybe she didn’t trust what Ben would going to say.

Zorii blinked, stunned, her smile faltering. “Oh.” But she quickly recovered. “I didn’t realise. Well, it’s nice to meet you, Ben.” She shook hands before shifting on her feet so they all faced the kids as they started lining up for practice kicks.

Zorii wasn’t a single mother, but her husband was away on business so often she claimed it felt like she was. Rey supposed her absent husband was the reason behind her flirting with the other dads. Yet, she seemed to have a sense of decorum and banish that idea from her mind when she discovered exactly who Ben was, understanding that the situation must have already been tense enough, not to add her suggestive smiles and comments into the mix.

“Zorii is William’s mom.” Rey informed Ben, pointing at the mass of eleven-year olds as if that helped. “Number nine.”

Ben nodded. “Are him and Rian friends?” The question was directed at Zorii and Rey was glad to have a moment to roll her eyes.

“Yes. He went to Rian’s birthday party last month. He still talks about going back to that paintball arena.” Rey picked up on the subtle dig. Zorii was one of the parents who wasn’t keen the idea when she had gotten the invite.

“It was lasertag.” Rey clarified.

“Still.”

“Activities like that are very useful for team building.” Ben piped up and Rey shot him a questioning look, to see if he really knew what he was getting himself into. “The pressure is high, it teaches people to compartmentalise, strategize, know your role within a team and deliver...” Her eyebrows shot up and she was once again grateful to the sunglasses that half hid her expression. “There’s trust, self-sacrifice, courage. I think lasertag helps kids bond and learn vital skills for adult life.”

A few seconds passed, and Rey was wondering if Ben would be offended when Zorii cut him down for thinking he knew what was best for her child, something Rey had witnessed before, but a warm smile spread across her face, a real one that reached her eyes must to Rey’s astonishment.

“You know what, I’ve never thought about it like that.” She laughed, her hand brushing against Ben’s arm lightly, causing him to flinch slightly at the sudden contact.

“It’s similar to the training in the marines.” Ben explained, absentmindedly rubbing the spot Zorii had touched as if it had hurt him and Rey got a weird satisfaction that Ben didn’t seem to mind when she had touched him in the same spot a few days earlier.

“You’re in the marines?” The flirty tone was back, and Rey wondered if the older women even realised she was doing it.

“Was.”

“Wow. That explains your wonderful physique.”

“Zorii…” Rey said, a warning in her tone and a pointed look to match.

“What? I’m just saying. Everyone was so interested in this man you had suddenly bought. You can’t blame us!”

“Everyone?” Rey challenged, and Zorii nodded. Looking around, Rey realised that there was a lot of suddenly interested moms and dads watching the conversation as it played out. Turning her head back to the kids, she tried to ignore the burning of the eyes on the back of her head.

“I think a few of mom’s were worried about you bringing a stranger.” Rey snorted at the lie. The mom’s were more interested in his job and bank balance than him being a stranger. “And some of the men were put out that you were no longer single.” She felt Ben stiffen next to her as Zorii fished for a reaction. Honestly, Rey knew the woman could be inappropriate and direct, but this was taking the piss. “You know how Snap has been wanting to ask you out for months now…”

“Not that I care, but you can tell all of the ‘gossip gang’ that Ben is only here because he’s Rian’s biological father, nothing else. I would never date him, or Snap for that matter, so can you please just stop?” She walked off before anything else could be said, heading to her car and deciding she would just wait there until practise was over.

Grabbing her keys, she heard someone jogging behind her.

“Rey?” Great. She knew she had overreacted, but did he really have to follow her right now?

“I’m sorry, Ben-” She started, running a hand through her hair and pushing her glassed further up her nose.

“That was-”

“Really rude of me.” Rey finished for him. “The moms just get me so…” She let out a frustrated huff. “They are so nosey, and judgey, and… bitchy.” She could have continued to list things but stopped herself. “I just… It’s like being back at school with them. I get insecure. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine.” Ben hovered. He looked like he wanted to say more but wasn’t quite sure.

“Ugh. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. They’ll be talking about it all week now.” Rey rubbed her forehead. “They already don’t really like me. I just gave them more ammo.”

She watched as his mouth formed a tight line. “Why do they not like you?”

“It’s petty stuff, really. There is this weird hierarchy, and as a single, young mom, the other moms judge me, and the dads-” She groaned at the thought of it. “The dads think I’m this weak, helpless girl, they always want to mow my lawn or check my tyres. Which, suffice to say, doesn’t make their wives very happy, so they hate me more…”

“They do know you don’t have a garden, right? And that you own a garage?” Ben asked, amusement causing the corner of his mouth to tilt up.

“Yes! That’s exactly my point!” Rey exclaimed. “It’s ridiculous.”

“Rey.” His voice dropped and Rey instantly looked at him. How did he always manage to snap up all of her attention with just one word? “I know we’re not the most… traditional family. But if this, me being here, makes your life harder, then I don’t want to inconvenience you-”

It was easy to step forward when he spoke so vulnerably. “It’s not. I want you here.” She smiled up at him. “Come on, let’s go back.”

And in truth, it was easy to spend time with Ben. He had a dry sense of humour, even making a few comments about the other kids, hoping they fell over or threatening them under his breath every time one tried to tackle Rian. There were only a few moments when he didn’t quite understand what was happening and asked Rey, and she pointed a certain rule that had been broken which led to a certain action being taken and what the best outcome would be.

They laughed together, and during half time Rey searched through her phone and sent him the photos she had promised.

“My mom will love these.” He said after he thanked her, making Rey pause.

“How, er, how did your parents take the news? I realise I never asked. It must have been quite a shock.” It was a sensitive subject. She still wasn’t too happy about Rian being overwhelmed with extra family, especially family that were national treasures or the Governor of the state they lived in. That kind of power was a lot to take in. And the money that came with it was also a sore spot for her.

Ben laughed, tilting his head slightly and making an indecisive noise at her question. “You could say that.” His expression softened and he caught Rey’s eye. “They were there, the day I found out. I got a call from Han telling me to come home as soon as possible, I thought the worst had happened at first, but he… he told me Ba- Rian’s birth mother, was there and was… she was quite upset.”

Rey appreciated him remembering her want to not hear about that woman and correcting himself. It was easier to pretend Rian was hers when it was a closed adoption and neither had a way of finding out details on the other. Now… now Ben was a link to this woman and Rian… it hurt her to think about. About how easy it would be for Rian to meet his birth mother now, to form a relationship with her as well. She wrung her hands out, a nervous habit, and tried not to linger on those thoughts for too long.

“Anyway, I came over. She said my parents were the only way she could find to get in touch. I wasn’t online because of the press, I only had four numbers in my phone, my parents, my therapist, and the local deli that I get most of my meals from.” Rey wanted to roll her eyes, of course he didn’t know how to cook for himself. He went straight from home where he probably had a butler, to the marines where every meal was provided for him, to being captured and God knows what the food he survived on was like there… judging by his build, Rey imagined it was just protein. Probably two roast chickens a day and with a side of spinach.

“She… she was distraught when she saw me. I guess she didn’t really believe it until I was in front of her.” Rey crossed her arms over her chest, this felt too private for her to be listening to, but she needed to know more about this elusive mother so she could be prepared for any other legal battles she might have coming her way. Not that the birth mother had a legal claim, Rey told herself. Amilyn had been very clear on that. “She kept saying she didn’t know, that she wouldn’t have done it if she’d have known… Then she told me about the baby. The adoption. I was in shock. I was angry. I felt betrayed, even though I couldn’t really blame her. It… it was messy. My mother tried to find out everything from her, but all Ba- all she knew was the agency she used.” Ben ran a hand through his hair, the muscle of his arm flexing and putting strain on his sleeve. Rey looked away. Maybe this was too much detail, she told herself, blaming that for her sudden need to look at anything but him. “It wasn’t until later, after she had left, that I was finally let myself feel _happy_ about it. My parents were angry, obviously, but also thrilled. They got their son back, which neither thought would happen, then a year later they found out they were grandparents. It was like all their wishes had come true. And mine too.”

Rey nodded, understanding the mixture of emotions they must have felt. Probably quite similar to the ones she felt when she found out about Ben.

“They really want to meet Rian.” Ben cleared his throat, a small strangled noise slipping out of his mouth as he quickly added, “And you too, of course.” She watched as his cheeks redden, and she wondered why he had faltered. Maybe he was embarrassed at the thought of her meeting his parents. They were national treasures after all, and far richer and smarter than she could ever imagine being.

Her and Rian were kind of a package deal at the moment, and maybe Ben didn’t like the fact he was going to have to involve her in family moments he felt she didn’t have the right to be at. Birthdays, Christmases, and Thanksgivings… Rey mentally grimaced about that holiday again, it was still ten weeks away, but her palms were already sweating at the thought of sitting around a dinner table and having to lie about what she was thankful for in front of the very people that threatened her.

She could imagine Leia and Han looking at her with suspicion, questioning if she was good enough to take care of their grandchild, judging her because of her job. She had never had to deal with ‘parents’ before, unless Rose’s overly affectionate mother who bought them Tupperware full of food randomly counted, and Rey was terrified of messing up. Especially when they would be watching her like a hawk to see if there was anything they could use against her to get full custody of Rian. Rey knew a powerful woman like Leia, and a brave man like Han wouldn’t hesitate to call in the lawyers at the sign of any weakness on her part.

She knew her age already played against her as well. Even though she had been taking care of Rian since she was twenty-one, people still sometimes mistook her for Rian’s older sister than his mother. Even at thirty-two, her small breasts and youthful face made people think she was still a teenager, she couldn’t even remember the last time she didn’t get ID’d at the grocery store, even with Rian calling her Mom as he helped pack her bags. And while it shouldn’t even be a questions if she was old enough to handle the responsibilities of raising a child, as she had been doing a bloody good job the last eleven years by herself already, but she knew a court would look at her, then at Ben, and make up their minds on who is the more responsibly looking adult.

It frustrated her to no end that Ben looked every part the perfect American father. Tall, handsome, caring, with a great sense of humour and a good fashion sense that screamed ‘I’m rich and responsible’. She hated Ben for looking for effortlessly like a dad, like this was a role he was made for. And yet she had to struggle to get people to take her seriously. Even the other parents who had known her for years still offered her advice as if she just stumbled into motherhood with no previous experience. ‘If I were you…’ might be one of her most hated start to any sentence.

“I can’t wait to meet the Governor.” Rey finally said, hoping it didn’t sound as strained as it felt. “And Captain Solo.” She quickly added, the words sounding alien to her. How was this her life now? How were these people she now had to meet and make small talk with?

“Don’t. Don’t call them that.” Ben winced and Rey wondered how comfortable he was having such famous parents. She imagined it was big footsteps to follow in.

Rey nodded, chuckling to herself. “I hope your dad is prepared for all the questions Rian will ask him.”

Ben groaned, rolling his eyes but the smile that spread across his face let her know it was all light-hearted. “Oh, there’s nothing Han likes better than to talk about being a pilot.”

“Rian watched the news story on loop when it first happened.” Rey admitted. Rian had only been six when Captain Han Solo landed that plane in the park and saved 402 lives on board and countless others by avoiding the busy city of LA and landing in that park, but it had sparked off his fascination with planes. A fascination Rey had encouraged, because of her own love of engineering. She couldn’t have imagined that the hero Rian idolised, that improvised the perfect emergency landed in the most impractical circumstances, was actually Rian’s grandfather… It felt unreal. “He watched all those videos people took on YouTube, he was gutted no one got a better recording of it then all those grainy cell phone ones.”

“I never understood why people stood around and filmed it. They should have been running away.”

“That’s exactly what I said!” Rey realised how loud she had been and lowered her voice, trying not to feel embarrassed as the parents looked at them. “Where was their self-preservation instincts?”

“Some people just don’t have them.” Ben reasoned.

“Well, if a giant plane was about to crash on my head, grabbing my phone will be very low on my list of priorities.” Rey shuddered at the thought.

Ben had angled his body at some point, so he was half turned to her and half to the soccer field. He chuckled at her, his hand reached over to brush a bee away from her shoulder, making her tense at the sudden casualness of the touch. With his hand lingering, she felt the ghost of his thumb near her cheek and she was reminded of the way it had felt just the other day as he wiped away the grease from her face. Fighting her instinct to lean into the warmth of his touch, Rey snapped her head back to the match and tried to pretend that hadn’t just happened. It was nothing anyway. Ben was just being a friend and making sure she didn’t get stung by a little insect that thought she was a flower. But it didn’t stop her stomach from knotting or her cheeks from heating. Maybe she shouldn’t have a go at people and their lack of self-preservation after all…

\-----

“I’ll have the beet and goats cheese salad please.” The waiter nodded and took the menu from her.

Rey tried not to feel uncomfortable in her football shirt and shorts as they sat in this fancy restaurant. When Ben said he would find a place to eat after because he didn’t want to eat at Denny’s, Rey thought he would find a burger or pizza joint, not this upscale place with its bright art deco stylings and mains that cost $50. So, she had ordered the cheapest thing she could find that could qualify as a meal, even though it was from the starter section, and she tried to subtly tell Rian that he didn’t need a side of fries with his prosciutto and mozzarella sour dough pizza, his vegetarian phase having finished last week when he was craving bacon. But that didn’t stop Ben from ordering a large side of them with a wink in Rian’s direction.

It’s not that she couldn’t afford to eat there, she made plenty from the garage to keep her and Rian comfortable while still setting aside money for him to go to college every month. It was just… her relationship with food had always been tricky. Food was precious, and Rey had learned how to make a variety of meals when she was able to, but fancy bistros like this had always struck her as… unnecessary. They charged for the service, the décor, the exclusivity of being expensive. It made her feel sick to look at her $20 salad and know that she could get six meals out of that money if she cooked them at home.

“Mom?” Rian’s concerned voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Sorry, what did you say?” She pushed aside her insecurities and tried to focus on the two men sat at the table. They didn’t need to know about her unreasonable guilt.

“Did you see the pass I made to Daniel?”

Rey nodded as she sipped at her water. “Yes! Right before he made that goal?”

“It went right between Michael’s legs! It was so funny.” Rian laughed and looked at Ben to see if he was smiling as well. It was a small gesture, but one Rey recognised. He wanted his father’s approval. Thankfully, Ben was already smiling along to the story.

“It was a very impressive goal. Your team worked well together.”

“We don’t- we’re not always in those positions. I’m usually defence.” Rian explained, suddenly shy. “The coach mixes us up.”

“That’s good. It means you’ll be a more well-rounded player.” Ben commented and Rey watched as Rian beamed, her heart swelling at the small moment.

Their meals arrived ten minutes later, and when Rian got his phone out, Rey was about to scold him, when she noticed him taking a photo of his fancy pizza. She had to admit, it did look tasty. He explained he was going to send it to Ana as she loved pizza and wanted to show off.

“Do you want me to take a picture of you with it?” Rey offered, holding out her hand to take his phone.

“Sure!” Her son held up the edge of his plate carefully, angling it so she could get all of it and him in the photo.

“There you go.” She went to pass the cell back to him when he interrupted her.

“Can you take a selfie of us?” Rey wrinkled her nose up. She didn’t really like selfies, but she had taken a few in the past, usually with the filters Rian showed her on SnapChat and Instagram when they were messing about at home.

“Here. Let me. I have longer arms.” Ben must have picked up on her hesitation, reaching over to take the phone from her, their fingers brushing as she passed it over to him. She quickly hid her hands under the table, her fingers flexing in her lap before they wrapped into a tight fist. Honestly, what was wrong with her today?

Ben held up the phone and she could see on the screen their reflection and shifted a bit closer to Rian so they would all fit in the frame, trying not to notice how the phone was dwarfed in Ben’s palm.

“Say cheese.” Rey plastered a smile on her face and watched at the screen captured the moment. “Now say bodega!” She laughed at the absurdity of his random word and volume that would have made her self-conscious if it wasn’t so funny. She didn’t manage to say it in time with Rian and Ben as he snapped another shot, she didn’t think she even managed to look at the camera, but it didn’t matter, they had already taken a nice photo before.

Moving apart, Ben tapped on the screen, examining the two photos before smiling to himself and handing it back to his son.

“Hey kid, can you send those to me?” Rian nodded, and a moment later Rey heard a familiar ‘whoosh’ as he sent them. She wanted to look at them as well, but knew she could later as the waiter approached them to check in.

Taking a forkful of beet and cheese, Rey bit down and couldn’t help the groan that escaped her mouth. This really was delicious. The slight bitterness of the beets was softened with the creaminess of the cheese. It was two flavours she had never put together before, but now her mind was already wondering how she could experiment with them in the future. Maybe a tart? With honey…

She caught Ben staring at her, his jaw slack and an unreadable expression on his face, before realising she may have been a little loud. She blushed, looking down at her plate, before tucking back into the salad and letting Ben and Rian talk between themselves. Maybe she could add something nutty if she made a tart version of this. Pine nuts or walnuts would be nice.

Taking the last bite, she mourned the flavours already, but was quickly distracted when she noticed a tall man navigating around the tables, heading right in their direction. He was very pale, which was unusual for California, but his ginger hair may have had something to do with his white completion, and while he wasn’t the hulking presence Ben was, there was an air of authority to him. One that Rey didn’t want to mess with.

“Solo?” British. That wasn’t expected. Ben flinched. His back was towards the man and she realised he had no warning of the guest, but she watched as he turned in his seat, quickly recovering from his initial shock with a giant grin. Grabbing a napkin, his wiped the corners of his mouth before standing up.

“Hux!” Ben engulfed the shorter man, laughing as he greeted him. “What on earth are you doing here?”

“I could say the same about you! Didn’t you die?” Hux teased and Rey slowly moved close to Rian as the obviously old friends caught up. The need to protect him surging through her.

“A gross exaggeration.”

“I know. I saw the news. Ten years. What a bummer.” Rey rolled her eyes at the man’s offhanded comment. Ten years as a prisoner of war was certainly a lot more than a ‘bummer’.

However, Ben did the gracious thing and just shrugged. “How are you? Still at Camp Pendleton?”

“Sadly, yes. Although I work in recruitment now after the old leg…” The man tapped his thigh and it was the first time Rey noticed the cane. “I’m across for the week running a course at the centre down the road.” Hux explained. “What about you-” Hux looked over at the table, and directly at her and Rian. She froze. Not sure if she was ready for some stranger to find out about this complicated mess they found themselves in. Hux’s eyes lit up and he stepped passed Ben to reach out his hand. “Forgive me. I’m Armitage Hux. Ben and I trained together years ago.” He explained.

“Nice to meet you, Armitage. I’m Rey.” Rey shook his hand and nudged Rian to do that same. “And this is Rian.”

It was moments like these Rey was grateful for Rian’s shyness around strangers. He smiled weakly at the man and shook his hand, but didn’t say a word.

“Hello. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt-”

“It’s alright. It’s nice to meet one of Ben’s old marine buddies.” Rey insisted.

Armitage stood up straight and slapped Ben on the back, and it was like watching all the confidence seep out of him. Ben’s shoulders sagged, his back curving, his knees softened, anything that could make him appear smaller.

“I’ll let you get back to your... girlfriend?” Hux asked, a perfectly arched eyebrow directed at her.

Rey looked over to Ben, panic in her eyes, but he gaped at her, like he suddenly couldn’t speak, no matter how much it pained him. She guessed he was stuck between two options. Tell Hux that Rian was his son and possible offend Rey, or pretend Rian wasn’t his son and… and hurt Rian more than Rey wanted to think about. Taking a deep inhale, she knew what she had to do.

“I’m not the girlfriend.” Rey said, hoping she sounded casual about it. “But this is a family lunch. Ben is Rian’s father.” Ben’s eyes widened, surprised that she had freely given that information to a stranger, knowing how sensitive she was about the whole thing.

“Father?” Hux’s lips twisted for a second before breaking out into a massive grin. “I had no idea, Ben. I’d say congratulations but I think I’m a bit late.”

“It’s still a bit new.” Rey replied, noticing Ben’s awkwardness.

“Ben always got the beautiful women, I never knew how. I used to be so jealous.” Hux teased, and Rey was grateful for the conversation partner.

“I’m the adoptive mother.” She watched the flicker of confusion cross his face. “Do you want to join us? We were about to get dessert.” She offered with a warm smile. “I’m sure you and Ben have a lot to catch up on.”

“That’d be lovely. If you don’t mind, that is?” Shaking her head, she motioned to the empty chair which he eagerly took as Ben sat back down as well, now he had come out of his frozen state.

Rey tried to keep her smile bright and friendly as Ben went over the recent events, discovering he had a child, finding out they had been adopted, and seeking a way to get into their life. This was going to be a conversation she heard repeated a lot now, so she had better be prepared, she told herself. Darting her gaze between the two men and her son, she was pleased to see Rian engaged and not upset by the talk, and she supposed he might be listening to all the details, having only heard the story once before. Rey was pleased Ben omitted the birth mother’s name, and only mentioned her very briefly.

“Wow. What a shocker.” Hux summed up when Ben had finished explaining. Blowing a long stream of air out of his mouth before covering it with his hand. “Although Ben always had a way of getting exactly what he wanted, even when it seemed impossible, and I know how much you wanted a family before... all of that happened.”

“What do you mean?” Rey asked as Ben groaned.

“Oh, I’m surprised he didn’t tell you. When we were stationed out in Afghan for the first time back in 2005, I was in a convoy that was attacked. Some hostage negotiation was supposed to take place, but the Sergeant Major thought it was all bull-” Hux caught himself, his eyes hovering on Rian before continuing. “Bullpoop. He thought the four of us in the Humvee were already goners. He had given up on us, but Ben here… he said a few words to one person, who said a few words to another… and suddenly he was leading a rescue mission.”

“Woah.” Rey looked as her son watched in wonder, clinging on to every word.

“Woah, indeed”. Hux said with a smiling glance – Rey could see the Brit was enjoying himself now as he noted his young audience’s excitement. He continued his tale with gusto. “The odds were stacked against him, there were only a few of them and a sniper, and they didn’t know how many people were holding us captive. It seemed impossible, but Ben wanted it, so it worked.” Hux threw his hands up and chuckled in faux disbelief. “I still can’t believe you got away with it.”

“I think what Hux is failing to mention, is that it was a sanctioned rescue based on intel, and not some rogue mission.” Ben added.

“Intel _you_ made up.”

“Intel is intel. And I don’t know why you are still whining about it, I saved your life, didn’t I?” Rey was struck with how much younger he looked now, more relaxed as him and his old friend teased each other. His dark eyes shone, he spoke animatedly. He just seemed so much more comfortable in his skin than he had earlier. Did he really care about hurting her feelings that much? It wasn’t like he couldn’t introduce Rian as his son, it was the truth after all, but to know he stressed over offending her, reducing her role in Rian’s life to ‘temporary babysitter’… it made her worries ease somewhat. He really was a decent guy, and she couldn’t keep thinking of him as the villain.

“You just wanted to jump out of that plane, admit it.” Hux accused, and Ben shrugged and Rey couldn’t help but laugh.

“You jumped out of a plane? Like in Fortnite?” Rian was in awe, and Rey saw Hux give Ben a quick wink. Rey couldn’t believe it, Hux was actually wing-manning Ben to her son? And it worked. Ben started telling his son about the mission in more detail, and she could only stare as Rian leaned forward, utterly enthralled, his ice cream fudge brownie completely forgotten and melting on the table.

“He’s a real hero, that one.” Hux said, his voice low enough so only she could hear.

“Yeah. I know.” Rey sipped at her water, trying not to overthink how great Ben was. How brave and smart and rich he was, everything a kid wants in a dad.

“You could do a lot worse.”

“Oh. No. I meant what I said earlier. We’re not- I’m not-”

Hux held up his hands in defence. “I get it. I’m just saying… Ex-marines come with a lot of baggage, him probably more than most. But, Ben Solo is a good man. All he ever talked about was coming home, settling down and starting a family of his own. If you haven’t thought about it… maybe you should.” Hux sat back in his chair and they both went back to watching Ben and Rian talking. From the few words she caught, she knew it had something to do with rocket launchers.

Ben Solo was a good man. He had Medal of Honor to his name for god’s sake. And he obviously adored Rian, enough so to take her feelings into account when he didn’t need to. And… and he was handsome, she mused to herself. What more could she want? Maybe she shouldn’t have dismissed Hux’s suggestion so quickly. After all, wouldn’t Rian want a mother and father who were together and loved one another?

Ben caught her eye, a frown taking over his face at her troubled expression.

No. She couldn’t risk getting involved with Ben and ruining the very fragile relationship they needed to maintain in order to raise Rian together. Her mind quickly threw up several reasons it was ridiculous to even think these things. They had only known each other for two weeks! And what if they got together and ended up hating each other and Ben decided to take Rian away? No, she told herself firmly. She couldn’t take that chance. Ben Solo was the father of her son, nothing more. The absurdity of that sentence was not lost her.

And yet that didn’t stop her from thinking of the way she had held her breath as his hand hovered close to her face earlier, or the way his deep dark eyes were currently staring at her from across the table, his mouth parted slightly with concern, as his eyebrows pinched together in a silent question, seeing if she was okay.

Rey gave him a tight smile, hoping it would fool him, and slowly slid Rian’s melted chocolate desert in front of her. If Rian wasn’t going to eat it, she wasn’t going to let $11 go to waste…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to comment and kudos, I really appreciate it and love reading your thoughts on the story :-) And as I've been so rubbish with updates the last two weeks, I'm hoping to get the next chapter edited and posted in the next few days. 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter, or support me [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	9. Chapter Nine

Meeting Hux had freaked her out.

Not only was a nice bloke, he also sang Ben’s praises, which made Rian idolize his father more but filled Rey with dread. If this was an old acquaintance, what other kind of character witnesses could Ben pull out in a court room to prove just how much of a hero he was?

She tried to tell herself not to worry about that; it was still early days and Ben had reassured her time and time again that he didn’t want to take this to court. But it didn’t stop her from thinking about the future. What if Ben changed his mind? What if he got frustrated with the limited time Rey had dictated to him and wanted more?

Which was why she was currently sat in her car in front of a Bel Air house, staring at the large metal gate that blocked her path.

She wanted to double check the address, because surely this couldn’t be his home, but she could spy his car on the drive ahead and knew she was fucked.

Buzzing on the intercom, she said a brief hi to Ben and the gates slowly opened, revealing the modern two storey home, with floor to ceiling windows and perfect white paint job. She would bet her right arm he had a swimming pool out back. The feeling of hopelessness came back full force. How could she compete with this? Of course Rian would want to stay here if he had the choice. Hell, she would have lived there if she could have.

“Thank you for driving over.” Ben said once she had entered and started taking off her shoes. The shiny wooden floors looked too nice and she didn’t want to risk marking them with her dirty trainers.

“I can’t stay long.” She was going to work late to make up the longer lunch break she had taken in order to drive over and access his home without Rian. As the boss, she really didn’t need to make her time back, but she always felt bad if Rose and Finn worked more than she did, believing it didn’t set a good precedent.

“How- how was traffic?” Ben asked, his hand resting on the back of his neck as he watched her awkwardly toe the heel of her left sneaker off with her right foot, trying to keep balanced at the same time. He looked like he wanted to offer her help, but instead settled on uncomfortably watching her struggle ungracefully.

“Surprisingly okay.” She mused. “It only took forty minutes.”

“Good. That’s… good.” Ben cleared his throat when Rey straightened up, tugging her spaghetti string strap back up from where it had slipped down on her shoulder. “Right. I won’t keep you long.”

He showed her around the large open plan living room and kitchen area, and the large windows overlooking the garden confirmed that he did indeed have a pool. It was like one of those TV homes, that rich characters had, all gorgeous and fancy, but nobody really lived in one like it. And yet Ben Solo did, Rey said to herself, resignation already seeping into her bones. It was silly, but she was hoping his house would be less than ideal so she could deny Rian from coming over in the future. Why did he have to be so perfect?

Ben busied himself, pointing out different gadgets, and how the fireplace was behind a glass panel so no one could accidently burn themselves. She found it sweet, how awkward he seemed to be in his own house. It made her wonder how long it had been since he had had a guest over.

She nodded at the fireplace, noticing some of the only personal items he had littering the mantel piece. Stepping closer, she looked at the frames. There were only three in total, so it didn’t take long for her to examine them, but each one broke her heart, telling her everything she needed to know about Ben Solo in those pictures.

One was clearly taken a long time ago. It was a smiley picture of a couple and a young boy with ears that stuck out too far and a goofy smile sat in between them. She recognised Leia Organa, and found it undeniably sweet that Ben would display an old family photo so prominently. God, he looked so much like Rian, she thought, her eyes tracing over the young boys features before moving on.

The next photo she knew well, it was Rian as a baby, laying curled up in a mountain of blankets, his little head poking out. So young that his legs were still bent into his body, unused to being straight yet after months of curling up in the womb. She smiled at it, remembering how small he used to be. Ben must have made a copy of it from the photo album she had lend him the other week.

The last photo caused her breath to catch in her throat. She hadn’t seen this photo yet, Rian had sent it to Ben but not her… It was the selfie of the three of them that Ben had taken at the restaurant the weekend just gone. But not the posed one. No, this was the other shot Ben had captured a few seconds later. Rian was still looking at the camera, his eyes scrunched shut as he beamed at the camera, Ben was looking over at them, his own smile covering his face. But it was her own image that made her gasp. She was looking at Ben, a mixture of bewilderment and amusement on her face, half smiling, half laughing at his absurdity as he had practically shouted that random word to get them to smile. They… they almost looked like a normal family. A mom, a dad and a son.

She didn’t know why the image hurt her so much, maybe because it was something she could never give to Rian, but seeing it now… how happy and peaceful they all looked… it made her sad.

“And I already have the Playstation all set up so we can play Fortnite.” Ben told her, jolting her from her thoughts. “But of course, only after he’s done his homework.” He started to walk towards the kitchen and garden, and Rey quickly followed, pushing those lingering thoughts of that photo to the back of her mind.

Ben continued pointing out all the amenities he had as if he was trying to sell her the house, and she supposed he was, because at this point, she was the only person stopping Rian from coming over.

He offered her a glass of water, and she stood quietly as he used a Soda Stream to make it sparkling. She knew it was silly, but a Soda Stream was one of those things that as a kid, she thought was really fancy. She had gone around a school friends house when she was thirteen or fourteen and their parents had one, and it instantly became the epitome of money in her mind. And to see one, so casually used in his kitchen, only bought back those feelings of unworthiness, even if she did have money and a home to call her own now.

She was too lost in her own thoughts after Ben handed her the glass, she missed half of what he said as he gestured outside. “- and there is a local pool guy who takes care of all the ones in the area, he visits once a week to make sure it’s clean. Does Rian swim?”

Rey nodded. “He loves it. We don’t get to go much, so I’m sure he’ll love this.” She said softly, trying not to let her bitterness seep into her words.

“Good.” Ben slid open the patio door and pointed. “There is a BBQ over there, I haven’t used it yet, but the realtor said it’s a great space for parties. Or I could get rid of it, set up some goal posts so Rian can practice soccer.” He was rambling, Rey realised. His house was stunning, why was he nervous?

“You don’t need to do that. I think Rian will really like that he can have friends over for a BBQ and a pool party.” Her hand found his arm and she gave his bicep a quick squeeze, trying not to focus on how hard the muscle underneath his shirt was. “Although you might not think so afterwards.” She remembered the mess from just having two of his friends stay over early that year to watch movies and play games. She didn’t know how three kids could make such a mess, let alone a whole party’s worth.

“Right. I have a cleaner who comes every week as well.”

“Really?” Her nose wrinkled and it was too late, her noticed her judgement. “I mean, that’s nice. I would love a cleaner.”

“I could see if she would travel-”

“No, that’s- I don’t need that.”

“Honestly, I think she’s bored here. I can pay her travel. She would probably appreciate the extra work-”

“Ben, I do not need you to pay someone to drive forty minutes just to clean my flat-”

“Can I at least give you some money-”

“Ben.” Somehow, during their back and forth, her hand had found its way to his chest. Her palm resting firmly on his sternum. It halted his words, but his eyes looked down at her, almost pleadingly.

“Please, Rey. You have to let me do more.” Her heart clenched in her chest. Her selfishness over Rian was keeping Ben at arm’s length. Ben, who so desperately wanted to make up for lost time and get to know his son.

“I… I can’t. Not right now.” Staring at her hand as it pressed into the soft fabric of his shirt, she was too frightened to look at his face. She was a coward.

“At least let me pay you child support.” His hand covered her, his fingers curling around her palm and gently holding it to his chest. His hand was warm, and strong. It was nice. “I don’t want to see you struggle-”

“We’re fine.” She snapped, her eyes narrowing as she risked meeting his. They were dark and stormy, she knew he was using every ounce of control he had not to raise his voice to stress his point, to make her understand how much he needed this. But she did understand. She was just being cruel and denying him.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know. But I’ve been looking after Rian on my own for over ten years now. I don’t need your money.”

“But you _could_ use it.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t use words to make me say things I don’t want and get your way.”

Ben laughed, the sound rumbling through his chest under her palm. “Trust me, Rey. None of this is my way.” She didn’t push him further on the matter, knowing that while this was far from ideal for her, it probably felt much worse for him. “At least let me back pay some finances. There must be something you’ve wanted that you could never afford because you have to save for Rian. A holiday, a new car. Please, let me do this for you. For Rian. As a… as a thank you.”

Rey bit her bottom lip, her chest rising and falling as she tried to stop herself from following this line of conversation. But she couldn’t. The words were out before she could think of all the ramifications, all the offence it would cause.

“My lawyer said not to take any money from you.” Her voice was small, barely a whisper and if they weren’t standing so close, she was sure he wouldn’t have heard her.

Ben stood back as if she had pushed him. His grip loosened on her hand so it dropped heavily to her side. There was a twitch below his eye, giving away the anger that lay just beneath the surface that he hid so well.

“You still think I’m going to take him away from you, don’t you?” Ben accused through clenched teeth after a painfully long minute.

“Maybe you should show me the room you have set aside for Rian-” Rey looked up the stairs in a lame attempt to change the subject. She really didn’t want to have this conversation with Ben, not again, but she knew it was too late.

“No, Rey.” His voice was deep, commanding in a way that reminded her of that first day they’d met in Ben Kenobi’s office. “I think this is a discussion we need to have, don’t you?”

“I should get back to work-” If distraction wouldn’t work, maybe running away would.

“Sit down, Rey.” There was a dangerous inflection to his tone, it made her eyes widen as she stared up at him, suddenly feeling small next to his towering dark frame. He always made an effort not appear intimidating around her, but once again, she had said the wrong thing and he was now making no effort to disguise his height or build or the general air of worthiness and respect that surrounded him.

Silently, she walked over to the sofa, her eyes briefly catching on the framed photos over the fireplace again, a flare of her own anger surging. How dare he put baby photos of her son on his mantle piece? How dare he retrospectively add Rian into his life as if he had always been there! A small voice reminded her that she was the one who lent him the photo albums, but she pushed it down. If he was going to get angry at her, then she had ten times more she could throw back at him if she just let her control down.

Carefully lowering herself onto the sofa, her knee bouncing, she waited for Ben to sit down as well, but he didn’t, choosing to stand and pace slowly on the other side of the coffee table, one hand on his hip while the other hovered by his mouth in thought.

“I’m a patient man, Rey.” She nodded slowly, not quite knowing where this was going, but not wanting to look away from him. “But you… You make it hard.”

“Excuse me?”

“I am willing to wait as long as it takes for you to trust me, but I can’t keep trying if you don’t meet me halfway.”

“I am meeting you halfway.” She lied.

“No. No, you’re not.” He halfway snapped at her before realising his mistake a sucking in a sharp breath. “I shouldn’t blame you for it... Why would you trust me when I haven’t been completely honest to you?”

“Ben… What’s going on?”

“Rey, you deserve the truth.”

This is what she had feared. Straightening her back, she waited for him to announce his plans to take Rian once she had seen his house, move him to Bel Air and financially drown her in legal fees during a long battle to obtain custody she wouldn’t win because he had the perfect family, the perfect house, the perfect story…

“Rian is more important to me than you know, Rey. And I think it’s time you understand why.” He started, and she felt her mouth grow dry as he avoided her gaze. “When my convoy was attacked, and I was… taken.” His eyes screwed shut, as if just recalling the memory pained him, and she imagined it did. “I got caught up in one of the explosions, I passed out and don’t remember anything until I was in their… until I was the FO’s prisoner. The First Order.” He physically flinched as he spoke, and Rey felt awful for being so selfish moments before.

She wasn’t sure what possessed her to move over on the sofa and pat the spare cushion next to her, maybe it was how lost the looked, maybe it was the way his eyes rounded with sadness or how his bottom lip trembled as he spoke. It made her want to comfort him.

Slowly, Ben came over and sat down, and Rey could see his hands shaking. Her hand instinctively coming out to hold his, which caused him to stare at her in awe, like he was surprised at the simple supportive gesture. It was intense and she wanted to pull away, afraid she had overstepped, but he suddenly seemed so starved that she couldn’t.

“There was a lot of damage.” His mouth twisted over the word, as if he was talking about a broken object rather than himself. “We drove over the bomb, so the blast was mostly under the Humvee, where it was weakest.” Ben explained, his fingers tightening around her as if she would pull away if he let go. “There was a lot of shrapnel and I… their doctor did their best, but-” He swallowed, and Rey was tempted to run her free hand through his hair in the way she knew calmed Rian when he was stressed, but stopped herself, this seemed too important for childlike comforts and affections. “Things healed but I… I can’t have kids anymore, Rey.”

Her fingers stiffened in his grasp, her brain unable to think of anything to say apart from, “Oh…”

“Yeah… I know.” His bitter chuckle was unexpected. “I had a long time to accept that I wouldn’t have kids. Most of the time I didn’t think I’d even make it out of there alive, let alone get back home and try to have a family. But when I did, I saw lots of doctors and they all confirmed it, so I just… gave up on that path for me.” Rey was reminded of what Hux had said a few days earlier, how Ben had always wanted a family. It must have been devastating to lose the possibility of that happening. “That’s why I was so angry at Baz when she told me I had a kid, and she just… tossed them away.” Rey frowned at his choice of words, but in his heightened emotions, he didn’t notice and kept talking. “Our child! Like all those years meant nothing to her, that… that I meant nothing to her. She had no way of knowing, but it felt like she had cost me my one shot to have a kid. I was angry at her. Then I realised _I had a kid_. Out there was some boy or girl… I was so happy that I finally had a chance. A chance to be a father, a chance to have what I didn’t think I could ever have and… and I just had to find them.”

Her mouth formed a tight line as she watched an echo of those emotions play over his face. It was fascinating to watch him, like a solar eclipse. Beautiful, dark yet bright, and extremely rare - yet dangerous and likely to hurt her. She should have looked away, his happiness of what he had gained a sharp reminder of what she had lost because of it, but she couldn’t.

“I didn’t think about anything else, I didn’t think about the adoptive parents or if the kid would even want to know me. I was so caught up that I might… that I might have the one thing I thought I couldn’t. My parents were keen as well, telling me I was doing the right thing, getting a lawyer so I knew my rights, I was so ready to swoop in and be a dad and get what I wanted. I didn’t think about what I was _taking_ until I met you.” His eye shone with unshed tears, a small smile at the memory of that first day. It stunned her, making it so all she could do was blink at him.

“You were right not to trust me, I was ready two weeks ago to take my child from their home, like some kind of... supervillain. But you… you were so fierce, so protective. I knew you would fight to the death for him. All you were thinking about was the safety of your child, that’s what a parent does. I realised I was being selfish, only thinking about myself. You put me in my place and I knew... Any kid would have hated their parent if they stole them away from their home suddenly, taking them away from all their friends and family and everything they knew… I should thank you, Rey. You stopped me from becoming that person to Rian, you saved me from ruining my relationship with my son before I even had one.”

Not quite sure what to make of the revelation, Rey kept staring at him.

“That’s why Rian is so important to me, Rey. He’s my only chance…” His determination drew him out of his memories, making his eyes sharp as they focused back on her. “This is my new path, and I won’t do anything to mess that up. And that includes not taking him away from the home he has and his wonderful mother. I will be whatever you and Rian want me to be, for as long as you’ll let me. Please? Please give me the chance to be Rian’s father.”

It was a little uncomfortable when she moved across the sofa and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, her back twisted at an odd angle, his chin digging into her shoulder slightly, but she didn’t care. Tears pricked her eyes as a shuddery breath escaped her chest.

Ben Solo was the most genuine man she had ever met, and she had been so wrong to suspect the worst of him.

“Of course.” She whispered, sighing in relief. Everything made sense now, and she feel foolish for not seeing it before. The way Ben’s whole focus in life seemed to be on Rian, how eager he was to include himself in their lives, even going out of his way to befriend her and bring her coffee at work, yet there was always this fear about him. He was terrified of losing Rian, of losing his only chance. “Of course.” She repeated, not knowing what else to say, and feeling oddly secure as Ben’s arms moved around her waist, holding each other closer as they gave the hug they both so desperately needed. “I know you’ll make a great dad, Ben.”

She wasn’t sure why she said it, but the way his arms tightened around her, she knew it was what he longed to hear from her.

“And you are the best mother, Rey. I cannot thank you enough.” His compliment meant a lot to her.

Time seemed to slow as they remembered themselves and unravelled their arms from around one another. Rey pulled back slightly, so she could see his face again, the small space between them allowed her eyes to scan over his face in incredibly high detail, noting the slightly smaller beauty marks that littered his face, the hint of where stubble would grow if he forgot to shave, and the pinprick of darker brown in his hazel eyes. Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes dropped to his mouth, his own lips parted in a silent gasp, and she felt her head tilting to the side, matching his own actions, subconsciously lining up their faces to one another.

His arm was still draped around her slightly, his hand resting lightly on her hip, and before she realised it, her body had canted toward his as if it missed the brief touch they had just shared. Her body quivering in anticipation, but anticipation for what, she wasn’t sure. It was just so nice to have someone hold her like that, to have someone see her.

It would be so easy to close that gap and press her mouth to his…

“Ben…” She breathed, her voice heavy with a want she hadn’t experience in… in ever.

“Rey.” His deep tone froze her in place, as if she had hit a wall and couldn’t move. That one word held so much, it was impossible for her to understand it all. Need, desperation, confusion, regret, reason. It pushed her away harder than any physical shove could have.

“I should go.” She muttered quickly, her face flaming red as she made a dash to the door, nearly knocking into a wall in her rush.

“Rey-”

“I have to get back to work.” Frantically, she shoved on her shoes, not bothering to untie the laces and hoping sheer force would get her foot inside the old sneakers.

“Rey-” Ben was close, but she didn’t dare look at him. This was a mistake. She had read the situation completely wrong. He was just being nice and she had made an utter fool out of herself. A horny fool, no less! “I- I haven’t shown you Rian’s bedroom yet.”

“No!” She cringed. The whole reason she was here was so she could see where Rian would stay if and when he stayed over. Leaving now meant she would have to come back. “Maybe, maybe some other time.” She stuttered, needing to get out of there. Fuck, did he think she was some wonton hussy that threw herself at men now? Her face burned hotter at the thought.

Opening the door, she was relieved for the slight cool breeze as it hit her face.

How could she be so stupid to try and kiss the father of her son?! The thought would have made her laugh if she wasn’t so horrified at herself.

Without looking back, she ran to her car, hoping Ben would do the decent thing and let her pretend that hadn’t just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapter in less than 24 hours... You can tell I feel guilty about missing an update last week!
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it! And please don't forget to comment and kudos, I really appreciate them and they definitely spur me on writing. 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter, or support me [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	10. Chapter Ten

“I think you’re just finally ready to start dating, and he was the nearest single male.” Finn said, a bottle of beer hanging loose in his hand as he sat sprawled on the sofa in Rey’s office.

“Are you kidding me?” Rose rolled her eyes. “This doesn’t sound like a one sided thing, he hugged you too, right?”

“Yeah, but he just spilled his guts out to me. I’m sure to him it was a supportive, friend hug.” Rey groaned, her forehead resting on her arm. They had been sat in her office all afternoon now, going over what had happened between her and Ben earlier. Maybe it wasn’t fair, for her to tell his secret to her two closest friends, but she needed their advice desperately. “Maybe Finn is right.”

“You just need to get laid.” Rey groaned again, closing her eyes as Finn continued. “Don’t worry, Peanut. I’ll find you a great guy.”

“I don’t want a guy, Finn.” Rey said as she sat up. “This was just a momentary lapse in judgement. I don’t want to date, I don’t want to deal with all that shit.”

“It doesn’t have to be a date. I’ll babysit Rian, you can just… have dinner with a guy, get your flower tended to, then leave.”

“Flower?!?” Rose cried out in a mixture of shock and laughter.

“I don’t know what you girls call it!” Finn said with a wave of his hand.

“Not that!” They laughed and Rey started to feel a little less devastated.

“Thank Finn, but I’m good. Really. It must have been a… I don’t know, maybe I was just hungry because I’d skipped lunch or something.” Finn scoffed and Rose’s sympathetic eyes let her know neither of them were buying it.

“You’re right, when I haven’t eaten I always want to make out with the next customer that walks through the door.”

“You’re not helping, Finn.”

“I don’t care! You tried to kiss Rian’s biological dad, you can’t do something like that again. Who knows how fucked up things could get if you went too far and it didn’t work out.”

Rey whined, her head hitting the desk again in helplessness.

“I think what Finn is trying to say is, your relationship is already quite… unique. And while he seems like a nice guy, you don’t want to make anything more complicated than it already is.” Bless Rose for being the sensible one in this whole situation.

“I know. I know.” Sighing, she took the last swig of her beer and looked at the empty bottle in her hand. “He’s just so pretty.” She moaned in frustration before throwing her bottle into the wastepaper bin next to her desk.

“That sorts it. I’m texting Poe. He’ll set you up with one of his lawyer friends.” Finn whipped out his phone and started to type.

“No. It’s fine. I really don’t want to date. It was just a highly emotional moment. It won’t happen again. I won’t let it.” Huffing, Rey opened the fridge and grabbed another bottle. “But text Poe anyway, ask him if he wouldn’t mind picking Rian up after chess club, then you can all come over for dinner.” Rose clapped in excitement, having complained earlier that she hadn’t seen Rian in ages.

“Will do.” Finn whistled as he sent off a quick message to his husband. “Hang on, how do we even know if you _could_ even have sex him?” Matching confused expressions were directed at Finn as he spoke. “Ben. You said there was an accident and he couldn’t have kids, maybe the shrapnel messed up his you-know-what and he can’t even… you know.”

“You’re a grown man with a husband, how can you not say the word penis?” Rose commented, his only reply was a shrug.

“I’m just saying…”

“I don’t think it’s right for us to question the functionality of a man’s… you-know-what.” Rey said, feeling equally silly for not being able to talk about Ben’s anatomy like an adult.

“It might help. Would you still think he was pretty if it was all mangled down there?” Finn raised an eyebrow at her, challenging her, and Rey scowled back.

“I don’t think that’s a fair question. He’s a good guy, it doesn’t feel right talking about him like this. I shouldn’t have told you anyway-”

“I wouldn’t mind.” Rose said, earning her two glares. “What? He’s tall, handsome, that voice… those hands… Does he even need a penis?”

If it was possible, Rey was certain her eyes would have fallen out of her head at her friend’s comment. “That’s it. No more Ben talk for the rest of today, and no more Ben…. penis talk ever.”

“Well Finn is definitely going to tell Poe.”

“I already have.” Rose held her hand up and pointed at him, smug that he’d proved her right so quickly.

“Fine. Us three and Poe. No one else.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. You’re opening yourself up again. That’s a good thing.” Finn said, reaching across the desk to squeeze her hand quickly.

“Thanks.” She smiled at them both. “Just promise me you won’t make any comments around Ben when you next see him. This is bad enough already, I don’t need anyone making penis jokes and making this worse.” Rey scolded them, using her stern Mom Voice, as they liked to call it, but it worked and Rose quickly changed the conversation, letting Rey sit and stew on her mistake as Finn tried to explain why he had a man her could set Rey up with but not her.

Rey had made mistakes before, and slept with the wrong guy or gone on awkward dates she regretted as soon as she said yes, but it was easy to run away from those blunders and pretend they never happened. Especially because they were so long ago. Ben was different. He was going to be a constant part of her life now, and any mistakes she made would always be in his memory, ready to be bought up and used to embarrass her at any given moment.

Although Ben didn’t seem the type to shame people on their mistakes, she told herself. He was actually incredibly considerate and kind… He would understand that it was just the heat of the moment, him being physically close to her when she was relieved he wasn’t going to take her son, it didn’t help that he had called her a great mother when she had been doubting herself recently either… That’s what she’d say if he asked about it. But, God, she hoped he wouldn’t ask about it. Pretending things were fine when they weren’t and ignoring mistakes was her speciality. Even if those things had pretty eyes and a body she wanted to press herself against desperately.

“You don’t like lawyers!” Finn defended himself. “You said it yourself, you like ‘manly men’.”

“That’s not what I said. I said I liked men who had done a hard day’s work, who have real stories, not ones about ‘last year in Rio de Janeiro’ when they lost their phone or whatever.” Rose rolled her eyes.

“Well, then I can’t help you because you just described all of Poe’s colleagues. Although I think Niv lost his wallet in Rio, and it was Bastian who lost his phone in São Paulo.” Finn stuck his tongue in triumph and Rey wondered how she managed to hire two people that adored each other like brother and sister but whined each other up like them too.

\-----

She didn’t know who to thank, but luckily Ben didn’t bring up the near kiss on Friday when he came over to take Rian out for dinner. Or on the Sunday when they stood at the edge of the soccer pitch and watched Rian play. Or a few days later when she went back to Bel Air and checked out the bedroom Ben had created for Rian, with the help of his mother, he explained when he pointed out the desk and the stylish storage shelves to her.

Suddenly they had fallen into a routine, with Ben coming over for his scheduled days with Rian, but also finding excuses to pop over more, and not just to see Rian. He delivered her coffee once a week at the garage, claiming he was always meeting Hux for lunch in Pasadena so it was no big deal. They would stand outside and talk about Rian, and Hux’s plans to get Ben back into the Marines in some shape or form, and a million other things as they sipped their drinks slowly.

Rose and Finn would throw knowing looks at her and Rey insisted everything was fine before heading to her office to sort paperwork the rest of the afternoon.

Then Ben’s Friday night dinners with Rian turned into Friday night takeaways and they insisted Rey joined them, the three of them squeezing onto the sofa as they tucked into Thai or Chinese or Italian as they watched a film. Rian had been shocked when he learned his father hadn’t seen any of the Harry Potter films, insisting that they needed to play all them in order until Ben was caught up.

“It’s embarrassing.” Rian groaned as Ben asked for the fifth time why he had to watch them even if he’d read the books.

“How? I know what happens, if anything, I know more because movies always leave stuff out.” He countered as he separated dumplings evenly onto everybody’s plate.

“Because!” Was Rian’s only reply.

“It’s like Lord of the Rings, sure, they had to cut some things out, but they also added some really rich details that remind you how magical it felt when you first read them. Also, you learn that you’ve been pronouncing something wrong the whole time.” Rey snorted. “Isn’t that right, Sir-Eye-Us Black?” She poked Rian in the ribs with the end of her chopsticks and he batted them away.

“Stop it.” He blushed and Rey realised his hair now covered his ears enough that she couldn’t watch them turn pink. She frowned slightly, already missing that little detail about him.

“Fine, but if I’m not watching Dobby die. That shi- that _stuff_ was hard enough to read, let alone see.” It was easy to smile as Ben watched the film in awe, commenting that he ‘pictured Diagon Alley differently’ and that ‘Snape was his favourite character in the books’.

Then a few days later, Rian told her how he was struggling in Spanish class, a language Ben was proficient in. Rey tried to explain that Poe could help, being Guatemalan-American and fluent, but Ben insisted it was no bother and soon he came over every other Wednesdays to help Rian study before his Spanish class the next day. It was sweet to watch them sitting at the table together, Rian’s legs just dangling off the floor, Ben’s overly long ones awkwardly tucked under the chair as he read out sentences and got Rian to repeat them back to him.

“We should go to a Spanish restaurant next Wednesday.” Rey said one week after finishing the washing up, sitting at the kitchen counter and listening to them say different foods back and forth to each other. “You could practice ordering the food in the language.” Rian seemed hesitant and Rey was about to dismiss her own idea when she caught Ben smiling at her. It was a beautiful smile, with slightly goofy teeth and cheek dimples. It made her smile back and push forward. “It’ll be fun, and we haven’t had paella in ages!”

“Fine.” Rian agreed and Ben flipped over onto a different page in his book.

“Right, lets practise getting a table.” Ben pointed at a section and Rian took a deep breath in before speaking.

“Buenas noches, mesa… una para… tres personas, por favour?”

“Good, that’s great.” Ben ruffled Rian’s head, her son smiling as he groaned at the affectionate behaviour.

After Rian had gone to bed, Ben lingered by the door, his fingers delicately brushing over his bottom lip as if he was tempted to say something but kept stopping himself. As he opened the door to leave, he bent down quickly, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek, then was gone just as fast, leaving Rey standing in her doorway, questioning if that had just happened, her hand ghosting over the warmed flesh as if there was a lingering trace of his lips there.

It was… nice. The last few weeks, ever since Ben told her about his injury, things had changed between them, and Rey was grateful about it. He seemed more relaxed around her, and she felt less on edge, less volatile. It was comfortable, she realised.

Then her fridge died sometime between late Friday night and early Saturday morning.

Finn and Poe were away visiting some old college friends of Poe’s and Rose was going bridesmaid dress shopping with her sister, so Rey was left chewing on her thumb nail as she waited for the phone to ring.

“Rey?”

“Hey Ben.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah! I just… our fridge died last night and I need some help.”

“Do you need some money?” His voice sounded surprised.

“No, no. I already ordered a new one from Best Buy. But I do need some help getting my old one out of the flat…”

“I’ll be right over.” She could hear the shuffle of feet, and worried voices on the other end of the line. “No, Rey’s fridge broke and she needs help moving it.” Ben was muffled as he spoke, like his hand was over the receiver. “I’m in Malibu so it’ll be an hour before I can get there, is that okay?”

Rey was tempted to roll her eyes, it was only twenty minutes longer than his usual drive so she wouldn’t have even noticed the delay, but Malibu meant he was visiting his parents. And that was probably his mom he was just talking to. Rey felt her mouth go dry.

“Honestly, it’s fine. I can get one of my neighbours or a dad from school to help. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you-” Panic rose inside her gut as she pictured the Governor of California starting to question how capable Rey was if she had to rely on Ben to help her move kitchen appliances.

“Don’t be silly, Rey. I’m leaving now.”

“Thank you. And as your reward, you can help yourself to as much defrosted chilli as you can carry.” She joked, looking at the Tupperware containers currently dripping in her sink.

An hour and a half later, as Rey watched Ben lift the bottom of his t-shirt up to wipe his sweaty brow, revealing a toned stomach and a line of dark hair that trailed into his jeans, Rey regretted not calling Snap Wexley and just putting up with the awkward single dad flirting, because watching Ben Solo’s arm flex and practically lift an _entire fridge by himself_ was doing things to her. Things that belonged on HBO, not in her kitchen. Squeezing her thighs together, she tried to focus as they navigated the narrow hallway to the elevator.

Ben hung around for a few hours until the Best Buy delivery guy dropped off the new fridge freezer. He insisted it was just in case they needed help moving the new fridge in, but as they ate reheated lasagne and watched Rick and Morty, Rey knew he just wanted to spend more time with them.

With his son, she corrected herself.

“You should let me pay for half of that.” Ben said a few hours later once Rian had gone to bed. She wasn’t sure how he had managed to end up spending most of the day with them, but she wasn’t complaining. He was leaning on the kitchen counter, one hand wrapped around a can of room temperature Coke, one finger pointing at the fridge freezer that Rey was currently testing to see if it was cold enough yet.

“What?” Lines marked her forehead in confusion before realising what he was referring to. “Why?”

“It’s the fridge my son’s food is stored in, I should be responsible for paying towards it.” Rey was glad for the distance between them so she could take in his physique without it being too obvious. His hair was getting a little longer, a little fuller, and it had started to curl out at the back of his neck. She was tempted to offer him a haircut, but knew he probably had an expensive hair stylist in Bel Air that would shriek in horror at her handiwork.

Today he had opted for a pair of comfortable black chinos with a light grey t-shirt on, he’d arrived in a black blazer but that was quickly thrown on the back of a chair as he got to work. He looked good. Smart casual, she would have called it. Then she remembered where he had been before she’d called him.

“You left visiting your parents to come help me today, you’ve done more than enough already.” She cracked open a can of Coke for herself and took a large sip. “Besides, it only cost $500. I think it was quite the bargain.” It wasn’t the cheapest one Best Buy had, but it was close. To be honest, Rey didn’t know how expensive they could get, having sorted the products by price as soon as she opened the website. The one below it was $50 cheaper but didn’t have very good reviews so she quickly dismissed it. And maybe she had been a little vain, but this white one matched the blender she had and made the kitchen look a little less mismatched.

“$500? Really?” Ben moved forward, his hand wrapping around the door handle as he examined the quality. “You should have said, I could have lent you some money to buy a better quality one.”

“This one is good quality.” She insisted. “It has good reviews, it’s got a five-year warranty, it keeps food cold. I didn’t see the point in spending more for basically the same thing.” Rey shrugged as she took the milk and defrosted food out of her sink and began loading them in their new home, bumping Ben with her hip to get him to move out of the way.

“If you ever need money-”

“Why do you keep bringing up money?” Rey huffed, feeling the need to address his concerns. “I have plenty of money. I run a successful business, I have savings, I have a college fund for Rian. Why do you think I don’t?”

Ben hesitated, his hand coming to run through his hair as he looked around at anything but her. “I-” Rey watched as his eyes did the talking, scanning over the small kitchen that overlooked the shared living room and dining area… She understood what he was thinking.

“I’m frugal.” She began, shutting the fridge door with a little more force than necessary. “We don’t struggle, but we don’t spend money for the sake of it. I don’t rent this place, you know. I own it. I could afford a bigger flat, or even a house with a garden, but I don’t need one, so why spend more? I could afford a bigger, better fridge, but this one works so why would I pay extra? Not all of us need unnecessary gadgets like a dishwasher or a soda stream. We’re happy as we are.” Rey shrugged, having said her piece.

The thoughtful look Ben gave her caused her to shift on her feet. He was always so intense when he was thinking over new information she gave him, like he had a little folder in his brain where he organised details about her, filing them under different sections. It made her wonder if the image he had of her was accurate to how she saw herself.

“But wouldn’t life be easier if you have those things? You could have more time for… hobbies.” His mouth moved around the word oddly, like he was struggling to think of the right one.

“Life isn’t easy. But this isn’t hard either. I don’t want Rian growing up relying on those things and taking them for granted. There are so many kids his age that don’t know how to fry an egg, or what dish soap is. Dish soap!” Rey laughed, taking a large swig of her drink before placing it down on the counter. “I would have killed for soap when I was-” She stopped herself, her eyes widening as she looked down at the shiny soda can, realising what she had nearly said. “The point is, I don’t need your money, Ben. But thank you for offering.”

Ben tilted his head, his eyes scanning her face in that way Rey knew meant he hadn’t missed her slip up and was currently filing it away.

“I want to do more, Rey.” Ben said as she walked past him, tucking her feet under her legs as she sat on the sofa.

“You already do so much to help us.”

“It doesn’t feel like enough.” Ben sighed as he sat opposite her, his knee brushing against hers as he got comfortable. “How do I know if it’s enough?”

“You’re here, Ben. You’re present. Sometimes that’s all it takes.” She looked out the window at the building across the street, each window lit up a warm orange against the dark outline of the apartment block. It was easier to look at those glowing rectangles than Ben, it was easier to pretend he wasn’t looking at her with those intense eyes. “Besides, you’re here three times a week now and you’ve gone to every soccer game he’s had, you’re teaching him Spanish. You’re doing better than most dads.” Rey snorted, thinking of Zorii’s absent husband, she’d know Zorii since Rian and William were in pre-school together yet Rey could count the number of times she’s met little Will’s father on one hand.

“You, er… you didn’t know your parents?” Ben asked after a while, and she knew he had been itching to ask more about her past since she told him she was adopted a few weeks ago.

“I was with them until I was four apparently, but the memories are too fuzzy.” She turned to face Ben, moving on the sofa so her body was angled better. “I went into foster care because a neighbour… a neighbour heard me crying and went to check on me. Turns out my folks had up and left me, they didn’t even shut the front door. Growing up I slowly tried to figure out what had happened, it was a druggy neighbourhood, and there was no record of them so I think they were here illegally. I thought maybe they probably got deported, or mixed up in something bad and had to run away. I was about ten when I realised they weren’t coming back for me.”

“Rey...” His hand was comforting on her knee.

“It’s okay. I… I eventually found out their names when I turned eighteen. Lucian and Ayla Palpatine.” It was surprisingly easy to talk about them. “Did you know both their names mean light? I guess that’s where they got Rey from.” She mused, a small smile dancing on her lips. “Anyway, this guy turned up out of the blue, some British guy who insisted he knew my grandfather and had inheritance to give me. He handed me a very big cheque and ran off back to his house in Hampstead Heath or wherever before I could ask any questions. So, there I was, eighteen, no real education, no home, no family, but a big ol’ cheque for a quarter of a million dollars.” Ben stiffened next to her, surprised at her revelation.

She continued, glad he didn’t interrupt her. “I used some of it to figure out who I was, I hired a private investigator, and it turns out my grandad wasn’t a nice man. He was a London criminal, had a finger in a lot of pies but the police could never get him on any charges. I think… I think my parents fled England to get away from him. But Sheev Palpatine wasn’t the kind of man who lets people escape. I’m pretty sure he had them killed, but there’s no proof and the missing persons case for them went cold so long ago… I know it sounds awful, but I kind of hope he had them killed. And that they didn’t abandon me by choice, you know?” Ben’s fingers brushed over her cheek and she realised she was crying. Sniffing, she quickly wiped them away herself, laughing at her foolishness. “I’m fine, I don’t know why I get upset. It’s not like I knew them.”

“They were you’re parents. You’re right to mourn the loss of them.” Ben told her, his voice calm and sympathetic.

Nodding, Rey continued. “So, I have this money, for the first time in my life I actually _had money_. Which feels unreal when you’re an orphan. But it was dirty, from the same man who probably made me an orphan in the first place. I wanted to do something good with it. After a while I bought this flat, and I realised I could give a kid all the things I didn’t have growing up in the system. I went to Kenobi and he said he had this perfect kid, and… I guess you know the rest.” Rey couldn’t help but smile as she finished her story, it was surprising how easy it was to tell Ben, it actually felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“Rey… that’s… incredible. _You_ are incredible.” Ben breathed, and she realised how close they were when she felt the slight breeze of his breath in her hair.

“It was easy.” She shrugged. “Even though it seemed crazy that a twenty-one-year-old would want that responsibility, it just made sense to me. I’m just glad Ben Kenobi could see that in me as well otherwise… otherwise I wouldn’t have had Rian. And honestly, he is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Me too.” Ben agreed.

“You’re a great dad, Ben. Really. I know I didn’t want this at first, but… but I’m really glad you are part of Rian’s life, both our lives.” She quickly corrected, her eyes scanning his face as she watched the overwhelming happiness fill his features. Dropping her gaze down, she watched as his mouth relaxed, his lips becoming more plush as he breathed in sharply.

“Rey…” His voice was raspy, his eyes darkening as his head angled his head towards her.

Was he really going to kiss her? She had felt this before and been wrong. She wasn’t sure she could survive another mistake like this again. She felt panic flood her, but it was washed away as her heartbeat speed up and she could hear the blood in her ears. Everything was so hazy and he was so close…

She wasn’t sure who moved, but the world dissolved around her as their lips brushed together for the first time.

It was tender, and surprising unhurried, as his mouth slowly, carefully devoured hers, taking his time to enjoy every roll of their lips, every shaky breath.

His hand was in her hair, the other hovering just over her collarbone, as if he was afraid touching her somewhere else might overwhelm her, and honestly, it might have. Her hand was splayed on his chest, the pads of her fingers stroking the hard muscle underneath this thin fabric of his shirt, any urge to push him away quickly forgotten as his tongue fleetingly traced her top lip before they slowly broke apart. Their hands were still holding onto one another as they smiled, toothily and a little dizzily from the kiss.

She should be panicking, but instead she felt utterly calm, her finger tracing little circles on his chest.

“That was nice.” She whispered, her eyes bright and happy as she looked into his deeply.

“It was.” She felt his voice vibrate through his chest, it was warm and heady, like melted chocolate.

“Thank you.” The air felt cool on her heated skin, and she let out a long exhale as her hand fell between them and she moved back an inch.

He half chuckled, his thumb stroking behind her ear one final time before letting her go as well. “It’s late. I should go.” Rey nodded, feeling a little drunk on nothing as she stood up.

“Yeah. It’s a long drive, and we’ve got soccer tomorrow morning.” She reminded him.

“I’m looking forward to it.” Grabbing his jacket, Ben slung it in the crook of his elbow as he lingered at the door. “This was… this was nice.” He repeated her word, a little line appearing between his eyebrows while he was thinking over something as he smiled.

“It was.” She smiled back, her hand on the door frame. Maybe Ben was giving her some kind of body language that her instincts picked up on, or maybe it was just her brain not thinking and just acting, but she quickly stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his one more time.

It was a quick and simple kiss, one that old lovers or friends would even share, but it felt completely normal and easy as Rey stood back down on her heels.

“Goodbye, Ben.”

“Goodbye, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Yeah... That happened... 
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! And please don't forget to comment and kudos, I really appreciate them and they definitely spur me on to write more. 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter, or support me [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	11. Chapter Eleven

The weather had gotten a little cooler as the weeks rolled over into November, which meant standing around at the side of the soccer pitch in her thin football club top wasn’t as forgiving as it had been two months ago when Ben started tagging along. Rey was zipping up her hoodie when she spotted Ben waving at her from where the parents usually gathered. He was somehow holding two reusable coffee cups in one hand, and stood next to some foldable camping chairs.

“You are my hero.” She greeted, taking the offered caffeine and taking a deep inhale of strong, delicious smelling liquid. “And a genius. I can’t believe I never thought of this!” Rey sat down, wiggling to get comfortably on the thin material, but it was infinitely better than standing for two hours on the worn grass.

“That’s not all.” Ben said, a lopsided smile gracing his features as he produced a blanket and a plastic box from a backpack.

Rey’s eye widened in delight. “Is that what I think it is?” Ben nodded. “Do you think Rian will hate us if we eat all of it without him?” Rey asked, her nose wrinkling up as Ben opened the corner of the container, revealing the tasty slabs of rocky road that were stashed inside.

“I think we can have one or two without him noticing.” Ben mused, offering her the first choice.

“We’re awful parents.” Rey teased, finding the biggest square she could and taking a bite out of the corner. “Really awful.” She repeated as she chewed. “Please thank your mom for making these again, Rian wouldn’t stop talking about them last time.”

Leia Organa was becoming impatient about meeting her grandchild, and had taken to making food that Ben could take when he saw them in hopes it would soften Rey’s attitude or bribe Rian via his sweet tooth to convince Rey to meet sooner. Thanksgiving was only two and a half weeks away, Rey reminded herself, and what Ben and Rian had was going really well; she didn’t want adding new people into the mix to ruin their dynamic. Or her and Ben’s for that matter.

Since the kiss two weeks ago, things between her and Ben had been really good. Really _really_ good. They were relaxed around each other, no longer questioning every conversation they had, or worrying about spending time together. It was… nice, Rey thought as Ben draped the blanket over both their laps, his hand seeking out hers under the material and squeezing it.

She hadn’t said anything to Finn or Rose about the change in their relationship, after all, while Ben was more casual with little displays of affection with her, they hadn’t kissed again. Even when Rey lingered at the doorway every time he went to leave, looking up at him through her eyelashes with want… She didn’t know how to make it any more obvious without jumping him!

But whatever this was, Rey liked it and maybe pushing for more wasn’t a good idea. Not when they had Rian to think about.

“I think she’s planning on making a mountain for Thanksgiving.” Ben joked, sucking the melted remnants of chocolate off his fingers after he finished.

“Don’t make me feel guilty.” Rey whined.

“I’m not. She’s just excited to meet you both. She knew it would take time.”

“Maybe I should invite them over for coffee or something. Four days is a long time for a first meeting, what if it’s too much in one go?” Rey admitted, hoping that Ben thought it was just Rian she was talking about.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I’ve managed to control some of her crazy because it’s the first time you’re meeting them. I can’t imagine how overboard she would go if it was a second or third visit and she knew you were feeling more comfortable.”

“Oh God.” Rey threw her head back, closing her eyes. “If a mountain of rocky road isn’t considered going overboard, do I even want to know what is?”

Ben shrugged. “The words ‘hired actors’ and ‘First Thanksgiving’ may have come out of her mouth at one point, but I can assure you, I shut that down _fast_.”

Rey just blinked in horror at him. “Please tell me you are kidding.”

“She just wanted to make sure Rian understood the tradition, as you don’t usually celebrate it.”

“We don’t celebrate Independence Day either, do you think she’ll buy me a red coat?” Ben laughed and Rey felt slightly better about her fears.

“She’s promised to be on her best behaviour, and if you or Rian are uncomfortable at any point, just let me know and I’ll sort it.” Ben squeezed her hand tightly before letting go to start clapping when the boys entered the pitch for their match.

Rey watched his profile as he cheered on Rian, his hands coming to cup his mouth as he yelled his support for the team. Ben Solo was a confusingly perfect man, and it was frustrating her how easy he was making everything. She needed to talk to him about the two of them, knowing that it would only get more confusing if things kept going the way they were without discussing it first.

She just had to think of the right question.

\-----

And she was still thinking of the right question the next day as she stood replaced all the tires on an old client’s car.

Was it too soon to put a label on what they were doing? After all, it was only one kiss. What if she was being too eager? It’s not like she wanted him to be her boyfriend, the word sounded odd in her head, making her nose wrinkled as if she had tasted something bad. So why did she need a detailed breakdown of what this was anyway?

Part of her insisted it was so they knew they were on the same page. With them being in each other’s lives forever, or at least until Rian turned eighteen, communication was key and at the moment… Rey didn’t know what the hell was going on.

Why didn’t he want to kiss her again? Did he regret it? No, that didn’t make sense, he still held her hand when no one could see, and let his hand linger on the small of her back while they cooked together, and he seemed fascinated by her freckles, finding any excuse to brush his thumb over her cheeks or nose to touch them.

The thought suddenly struck her, her grip faltering on her wrench.

Maybe it was his… medical problem.

Finn’s comment about Ben’s… Rey frowned at herself and her inability to even think of the word without blushing. Finn’s comment about Ben’s penis popped up in the front of her mind. They had never spoken about his inability to have children after that conversation, and now their relationship could be heading towards a sexual nature, perhaps Ben was scared she would reject him if he wasn’t able to perform normally.

Her frown deepened. What even was normal? She asked herself. Her experience with men had been limited, but in that time, she had engaged with men in completely different ways that she would consider sexual, penetration or not. Maybe she just had to make Ben realise that, A – She didn’t want to jump his bones right away, and B – There were hundreds of ways two adults could be together than didn’t require a fully functioning penis.

“Excuse me?” A soft female voice echoed across the garage, making Rey jump and actually lose her grip on the wrench. It made a loud clatter as it hit the floor.

“Hi!” Rey called out, turning to face the woman, quickly wiping her hands on the rag she kept tucked in the back of her coveralls.

“Are you… Rey? Rey Johnson?”

“That’s me. How can I help?” She smiled before noticing the woman’s fragile expression. She looked a little older than her, maybe mid or late thirties. She was stunning. Her dark black hair was tied back in a high ponytail which highlighted her prominent cheekbones and dark eyes. Maybe she was a model or an actress. There were a lot of those in LA. “Did you crash your car?” Rey asked, knowing that sometimes people came in on the verge of tears just after an accident, she had comforted a few crying people in the past who were still in a state of shock.

“No. I… I needed to see you.”

“Okay.” Rey said slowly. “I’m just in the middle of something right now and my colleagues are both off today, would you mind holding on in the waiting room? I should only be ten minutes.”

“No!” The woman held out her hand only to drop it back to her side. Rey noticed the way she was twisting her car keys in her hand. Whoever this woman was, she was nervous. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. We can talk now.” Her eyes narrowed slightly, curiosity winning out as the woman exhaled deeply. “I’m Rey, but you already know that. Can I ask what your name is?”

“I’m… I’m sorry. I thought I could-” The woman was acting frantic, her hand clenching and unclenching uncontrollably, her eyes wild and searching like a lost animal.

“Is there anybody I could ring, to come-”

“I didn’t know he was still alive.” The woman cut her off, the words startling Rey.

“Excuse me?”

“Ben. I didn’t know. If I’d have known I never would have…” Rey’s jaw went slack before clenching so tightly she was sure she had bit the inside of her cheek, her voice dying in her throat. No. No this couldn’t be happening. “If I’d have known there was a chance he could come back, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“I think you need to leave.” Rey spoke through her teeth.

“I just needed to say I’m sorry.” The woman said. Bazine, Rey’s brain corrected. “I didn’t think he’d come looking for you. I thought he had the right to know, but I didn’t think he would try and take your child away from you. I didn’t even realise he could do that.” Tears were streaming down the gorgeous woman’s face now, and Rey hated her for it. How dare she come in here, acting upset when this was all her fault?

“Get out.” The words were low and dangerously calm. “And don’t ever come near me again.”

“I’m so sorry.” Bazine whispered through her tears, before quickly backing out of the garage.

“Get out!” Rey screamed, picking up the wrench she dropped earlier and throwing it to side where some old wheel rims were, the noise of metal hitting metal reverberated around the garage, emphasising her anger.

Sinking to the floor, hot tears streaking down her face, she reached for her phone, dialling the only person she could think of. Between her sobs, she wasn’t sure how he knew what had happened, but it wasn’t long before Ben was in front of her, his large hands checking her over to make sure she was okay. The tear had stopped by that point, but her eyes were still raw, and her legs felt unsteady as he helped her stand and guided her to her office.

“Bazine…” Rey gasped.

“I know.” Ben said, his voice low with rage.

Ben sat her down on the sofa she kept in her office, before going to the fridge and finding a bottle of water, cracking the top open before offering it to her. With shaky hands, Rey took a sip.

“She said she was sorry?” Rey said, her confusion evident. “She said she didn’t know you’d try to find us.” Her eyes caught his, and she saw the brief astonishment that flickered over his features before he schooled them into something unreadable.

Ben slowly sat down on the sofa, his hands fists in his lap. “She… she contacted me again last week.” He admitted. “I told her how I was part of Rian’s life now, and she- she was horrified.” Rey watched as his knuckled turned white with the force he was clenching them. “She has a kid, a toddler, married with…” His sighed and Rey covered his hands with hers. “She called me a monster for… for trying to take your son away from you.”

“You’re not a monster.” The words slipped out before she even thought about them, it just had to let him know that she didn’t see him like that.

“I said your name, I’m sorry. It was an accident and she swore she had her own life now and didn’t want anything from you or Rian, but she must have-”

“She’s a mother. She felt guilty.” Rey said as if it was the simplest thing now she had calmed down.

Ben twisted suddenly, turning to face her, his hands gripping hers tightly as his eyes burned. “I’ll make sure she never does anything like this again. I promise you.” He said, his resolve firm.

Rey shook her head. “I don’t think she’ll come back.”

“I’ll-”

“You’ve done enough.” Rey didn’t mean for the words to come out so harshly, but as Ben recoiled, she knew she’d sounded cruel. “I mean-”

“It’s alright.” Ben stood up and Rey was torn between dropping her head in her hands in defeat, or staring up at his tall frame to try and apologise. Defeat won. “You’re right. She wouldn’t have come here if I hadn’t spoken to her.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Rey sighed.

“I told her your name.”

“Yeah, and while that was fucking stupid, I can’t stop you from talking to people about your son.”

“He’s our son.” Ben said quickly, correcting her. He was walking around the small office space, his hands still balled up into fists, the frustration radiating off him. “And I should have respected your wishes. You made it clear you never wanted to see that woman and she… she just walked into your workplace _because of me_.”

Rey stood up, her hands finding his and stopping him in place. “Ben.” She forced him to face her. “If the roles were reversed, and I was in her shoes, I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing.” Rey admitted, although she was probably being a little generous to Bazine. And she certainly would have gone about it a bit differently instead of confronting someone at their job.

“You don’t really mean that. You’re just saying that because you’re a good person.”

“No. I’m a pissed off person.” Rey tugged on his arms, pulling him an inch closer to her. “I’m a terrified person. But I’m not just saying that. I would feel awful if something I did meant a woman could lose her child.”

“I never should have done this.” Ben’s head dropped, his hair falling to cover his face. “I should have stayed far away from you and Rian. Baz was right about one thing. I am a monster.”

Rey let go of his hands, her fingers flying up to cradle his face instead and lift his gaze to meet hers. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, I am! You don’t know me, Rey. You don’t know what I’ve done…” His lip trembled, but his fears only made her feel more sure, more bold.

“I know everything I need to know about you.” Rey pushed herself up on her toes, her hands dragging Ben’s head down to meet her. She paused for a fraction of a second, her lips hovering a whisper away from his, before closing the gap.

Her kiss was a mixture of desperation and desire. She wanted, no, needed, Ben to know how wrong he was. He wasn’t a monster, not to her. There was nothing shy or soft about this kiss, not like last time, now Rey crushed her lips to his with a hunger she didn’t know she had, causing Ben to groan into her mouth. It was heady, and Rey wanted more.

Letting go of his face, her arms wrapped around his neck, her nails biting into the hard flesh of his back, holding tight. His own hands had found a home on her hips, his fingers gripping her in a way she knew would leave marks on her skin. He was pulling her closer, pushing her hips into his in what Rey could guess was only instinctual need.

“Rey…” He breathed, his voice husky.

“No. Don’t speak.” She begged, knowing that if they paused to think about what they were doing, they would both come to their senses and stop. Instead, she experimented by nipping at his bottom lip before licking her tongue over the sensitive flesh. Ben gave a silent gasp, and she took the opportunity to explore his mouth, drowning in pleasure. Drowning in him.

Ben seemed just as overwhelmed, his hands moving over her hips, her lower back, her ribs, as if he was trying to frantically memorise how she felt against him. It was almost animalistic, the way he growled as she sucked on the tip of his tongue. He tasted sweet and rich, like chocolate and caramel. But there was something else. Something… sharp. Like one of those expensive candy bars with sea salt, she mused. It was addictive.

She had never kissed anyone like this before, so full of lust and adrenaline. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest, she could feel her blood burning as it raced around her body, screaming for more.

Eventually, they broke away to catch their breath, and Rey shifted her focus to the next task, her hands pushing up the bottom of his shirt, her fingers dancing over the toned muscles she had seen and longed to touch weeks ago when she had first glimpsed them.

“Fuck.” Ben grunted, his hand covering his face as he exhaled. “We shouldn’t-”

“No. No speaking.” Rey repeated, whimpering as she uncovered his stomach and glanced down to see the defined dips of his hip bones, not knowing why seeing them make her feel weak. “Speaking leads to thinking. And thinking-”

Thinking leads to common sense, Rey reminded herself. And suddenly all the frenzy, all the lust vanished as reality set in. This was Ben Solo, biological father of her son. He was going to be part of her life forever, the drop offs, the birthdays, the Christmases, and all those other special occasions. Rey didn’t have a lot of experience with romantic relationships, but neither Finn or Rose spoke to any of their ex partners, stating it was too uncomfortable and awkward to be around them, could Rey really risk starting something that could end so badly that they couldn’t stand being around each other, even for Rian’s sake?

But what if it doesn’t end badly? A small part of her spoke up. A part she tried to ignore as naivety. What if this worked? What if they spent the rest of their lives together, giving Rian a healthy, loving parental relationship that she never had growing up?

She wasn’t sure which option was scarier to her.

“I think… this can’t happen.” Rey said finally, pulling away from him. She watched as his swollen lips turned down in a frown as he slowly nodded.

“Right. We don’t want to do something we might regret.” His voice was still rough, making it sound more like a rumble than words, his hand running over his mouth as if he was physically holding back words.

“I’m sorry-”

“This was my fault-” They both spoke over each other, like they always did when things got awkward, and Rey found her eyes softening at how perfectly out of sync they could be. It was almost endearing.

“I don’t want things to get more complicated than they already are.” Ben said first. “You’re Rian’s mother.”

“You’re right.” Rey ran her hands through her hair, hissing to herself as she turned on the spot. “This is already so fucked up.” She groaned. “Maybe I should have just taken Rian and run away after that first day.” She admitted, not really meaning it. “Maybe I could have pretended nothing had changed.”

Ben was silent for a while as Rey composed herself. “You- You were going to run?” She didn’t need to be looking at his to know his jaw was clenched.

“I don’t know. I didn’t know what was going to happen.” Rey explained. “My hands felt tied and I had no guarantee that you weren’t a- a monster!” Rey heard Ben moved towards the sofa and sit down, his large frame folding in on itself. “All I wanted was for things not to change, and for Rian to be okay.”

“So, you did… you did think I was a monster?” His tone was unreadable, but that in itself made Rey worry.

“At first, yes. But that was because I hadn’t met you. You said it yourself, all I cared about was the safety of my child, and you threatened that.” Rey slowly walked over and sat down next to him. “I know now that running away would have been the stupidest thing I could have done. Not just legally, but also for Rian. But I was just… angry. At you. At the world. It clouded my judgement.”

“Legally.” Ben mouthed to himself.

“Rian deserves the chance to get to know his father. And I… I would’ve been the monster if I had taken that away from him.” Rey admitted, falling back onto the sofa, letting out a long stream of air.

“You didn’t want your son to get hurt.” Ben said after a while.

“But this…” Rey waved her hand between them. “This could hurt him.”

“You want to stay friends?”

“I think that’s for the best. Don’t you?”

“I…” She watched as Ben’s jaw clenched, the little muscles protruding as he thought over things Rey wish she could hear. “I think we need to avoid the possibility of Rian getting caught up in this, him getting excited at the idea.”

Rey’s forehead pinched up. “Has he talked to you about us?”

“No. Well, yes. But I don’t think he realised what he said.” Ben admitted, and Rey suddenly felt panicked.

“What did he say?”

Ben hesitated, his eyes dropping to her knees which was bouncing in an effort to avoid looking at her. “He said ‘when’.”

“When?”

“We were talking about him staying at mine one weekend, and he asked when you two would be moving in.”

Her lips parted slightly in shock, having been unaware that Rian had asked such a question. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. What did Ben make of that? Did he think Rian was unhappy in her flat? Did he dread the thought of her tagging along with her son and taking over his home? She opened her mouth to start speaking but Ben continued.

“I asked what he meant, that you had your own apartment and he… he didn’t say anything else but it was clear.”

“Clear?”

“That he, you know, wanted us to be a family.” Her bones felt heavy as she sighed. This is what she was worried about, Rian getting his hopes up, expecting things that would be considered ‘normal’ for a family. Except their situation was far from normal.

“Oh God. I should talk to him-”

“Don’t.” Ben’s voice was deep, but soft. He held his hand up and Rey paused. “I’ll speak to him. Make sure we’re all on the same page.”

“And are we?” Rey asked, expanding when she saw his quizzical look. “On the same page?” Her foot stopped bobbing on the ground as she got serious. “We can’t let anything happen between us. I’m sorry I kissed you, I don’t- I don’t know what came over me. But this can’t happen again.” She stood up quickly, brushing her hands over her clothes before holding out a hand towards him. “Co-parents. Friends.”

Standing over him, she could see him staring at her outstretched hand, the line between his eyebrows vanishing just before he stood up, causing Rey to crane her neck up as she watched him closely.

She never felt short around him. It must be his presence, a strange achievement of his given his height and frame, yet it never gave off any entitlement or authority to make her feel small. She never fully appreciated it until this moment, when she was trying her hardest to remain firm in her proposal, silently begging him to let them pretend everything was normal between them.

“Friends.” He said after a moment, his large hand engulfing hers as they gave it a solid shake. Their hands lingered, and Rey had to fight every urge to kiss him as they stood so close she could count every mole on his face. It would have been so easy to close the distance again and throw caution to the wind and give this an honest chance.

But if there was one thing Rey was good at, it was being cautious. Even if he tested that on what felt like a daily basis.

“Friends.” She repeated, hoping repetition was the key to denying her overwhelming attraction to Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! And please don't forget to comment and kudos, I really appreciate them and they definitely spur me on to write more. 
> 
> And feel free to follow me on twitter, or support me [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	12. Chapter Twelve

Someone was knocking on her door. 

Rey leaned back in the little kitchen, her eyebrows pinching together as she looked at the offending door as if she could see who was standing on the other side. 

She wasn’t expecting visitors. Or a delivery. Maybe one of her neighbours needed to borrow a bit of milk or something, she guessed as she wiped her hands dry from the washing up on a tea towel. 

Rian was at a birthday party all afternoon, watching a movie at the cinema before going out to dinner, then a sleepover. Rey felt sorry to the parents who had agreed to host that, knowing how noisy a group of eleven-year-olds could get, especially in a public place like a restaurant after being hyped up on sugar. But it meant she had the whole day to herself, and feeling a little lost, she decided to prep some meals for the future. Six portions of chilli and four helpings of chickpea and spinach curry later, she was left with just the dirty pots and pans for company. 

It had been nice, to keep herself busy with life admin. It kept her mind from wandering, something it had been doing a lot lately. 

It had been six days since Bazine showed up at her work. Six days since she freaked out and kissed Ben. Six days since she had been determined to deny and refuse any unwanted feelings she had for him, and risk the friendly relationship they had just gotten used to. And yet she couldn’t stop imagining running her fingers through his hair, or him pinning her under him as they moved together on her bed. 

Throwing the damp towel next to the sink, she scolded herself for letting her thoughts get away from her again. Her frown only deepened when she looked through the peephole before opening the door. 

“Ben?” 

“Hi.”

“Rian is at a birthday party.” Rey said quickly, assuming that must have been the reason for the impromptu visit. 

“I know.” His head tilted slightly to the side, his dark eyes never leaving hers. Rey swore if superpowers were real, his would be reading minds, because he always looked at her so intensely, like he was looking at the most fascinating book he’d ever read. It made her self-conscious, the way he looked at her as if she was the only other person in the world. 

“Oh.” Rey’s hand tightened on the doorknob, lingering, before remembering her manners. “Do you want to come in? I was just about to make some tea.” 

“Thank you.” Was his only reply as he ducked into the apartment. 

Rey busiest herself filling up the kettle, trying to push down the nervousness at it just being them alone. 

“I had lunch with Armitage.” His deep voice carried over to the kitchen from where he was awkwardly standing by the sofa. 

“How is he?”

“Good. Still wanting me to go into recruitment.” 

“No offence, but are you really a good person to try and get people to join the Marines?” Rey scoffed as she placed two mugs on the counter. “You were a prisoner of war for ten years, isn’t that some seriously bad press?”

She turned and leaned back on the counter to find Ben shrugging. “I still believe in the values and skills the Marines provide.” Her look of doubt made him continue. “I was an angry teenager. Totally lost about what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. The Marines… gave me a way to control my anger and channel it into something good. They gave me a purpose. A family.” 

“You already have a family.”

“It’s not the same. You wouldn’t understand.” 

The kettle ticked to signal it had boiled, and she began to pour the hot water into a teapot, placing the lid back on carefully. She looked down at the red and spotty teapot, some of the dots had started to fade, making them more pinkish in hue from the red that bleed underneath them. It was a gift from Finn years ago, and one of her favourite things in her home. “I get it. You… you don’t choose your parents. You just have to deal with the hand you’ve been dealt. But friends, especially ones in the same situation as you, those experiences and bonds can be stronger than any blood relationship ever could.” She stroked the smooth surface of the teapot, finding comfort in its warmth. 

“I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me. I didn’t think-” Ben rushed to apologise but Rey waved it off.

“Milk, no sugar. Right?” She confirmed, remembering how he liked his tea.

“Rey-”

“It’s fine, Ben. It doesn’t upset me like it used to anymore. I’m fine talking about my childhood.” She smiled as she held out his drink for him, then cupping her own in both hands as they made their way to the sofa. “Everything changed when Rian came into my life. Suddenly my problems felt small, insignificant. I didn’t feel bitter about my rubbish upbringing anymore. It just made me want to do everything in my power to make sure he had the total opposite than I did, to give him the best childhood possible.” 

“I understand.” 

“You do?” Rey lifted her mug to her lips and smelt the rich, almost honey sweet aroma of the tea. 

“I do.” Ben shifted on the couch, being careful not to knock his shins on the coffee table. 

“I thought you’d have had a great childhood. A strong woman like Governor Organa and a cool pilot like Han Solo as parents. That’s the kind of thing kids dream of.” It was the kind of thing a lonely girl like her would have dreamed of, she thought to herself. 

“I love my parents, don’t get me wrong, and I know they love each other. But growing up, I didn’t think they ever liked each other, you know?” Rey felt her brow scrunch up in confusion, but stayed quiet. “They used to argue a lot, blame each other for the smallest things. I didn’t understand why they would yell so much, especially when them both being so busy with their jobs and barely spending time together.”

Rey hummed her agreement, not really understanding but needing him to know she was listening and cared. 

“I used to get so angry at them. Some weeks they would only see each other for an hour, and they would spend the whole time pointing out their mistakes or belittling each other. Han was frustrating to live with, I get that, but Leia… Leia could be so cutting. It wasn’t until after… I realised they just missed each other and weren’t happy about the lives they had fallen into. Loneliness can make people do strange things.”

“And now?” 

“Now?”

“Yeah. How do you get on with them now?” 

Ben sat back, smiling to himself slightly as he ran a large hand through his hair. “You know, me dying might have been the best thing to happen to them.”

“How so?” 

His jaw worked as he thought over his answer carefully. She watched, her eyes drawn to the way his tongue moved inside his mouth. “They’re calmer now.” Blinking, Rey bought herself back into the room, blaming the hot tea for the sudden heat in her cheeks. “They had ten years of sadness and rather than let it destroy their marriage, it made them… kinder to each other.” Ben took a large gulp of his tea before continuing. “It was surprising, coming home and seeing them so… happy. They had been my only example of marriage my whole life, all their destructive qualities were in me. I was hyper aware of what being married to me would be like, and I hated that. I swore I would never treat someone I loved the way Han treated Leia, or how Leia treated Han for that matter. But you never quite know if it’s possible or just wishful thinking until you get your chance… Coming back, it made me hopeful.”

“Hopeful?”

“If they could figure it out, then I still had a chance.” Looking down at the half empty mug in his hand, he avoided her gaze. 

“You do, Ben.” Rey reached out over the coffee table and squeezed his hand. “You’re a great guy. Any woman would be lucky to have you.”

His looked up through his eyelashes. “Any woman?” 

Rey swallowed thickly, plastering on a bright smile, she tried to pretend her stomach wasn’t twisting in knots. 

He always managed to pull the rug out from under her by saying the things she didn’t know she needed until she heard them. A massive part of her feared relationships, having never witnessed a working one while growing up, and part of her always resented people who had a Mom and Dad only to take it for granted. It was one of the reasons it took her a while to actually open herself up and listen to Ben. He had everything she didn’t when he was a kid, and yet it wasn’t all it cracked up to be and all those same insecurities she had plagued him as well. It was good to know she wasn’t alone. That he would understand her doubts if she let herself share them with him. 

“Why are you here, Ben?” She asked, her voice soft. 

She would never admit it, but she hoped he would fight for her. That he would say their attraction to one another was worth the risk. That he knew, deep down, that they would work well together and be happy if they just gave it a chance… 

“I had lunch with Armitage.” Ben said, almost in a stupor, repeating his same words from earlier. Her eyes dropped down to his mouth, her tongue darting out to wet her own as she moved a fraction closer to him. It was barely a movement, but if she was right, Ben would notice. “And I thought I’d stop by to discuss Thanksgiving plans while Rian wasn’t around.” 

Her eyes flew up to his, shocked at his sudden change of tone. He shifted, their hands breaking contact, subconsciously pushing her away as he reached to pull his phone out of his pocket. 

She pulled back as if she had been burnt, hoping he didn’t notice her stunned and disheartened expression before she schooled her features into one more serious. 

“Leia called last night as I drove home.” Last night, they had ordered Chinese, Rey remembered fondly, trying to focus and not think of her foolishness at trying to act on her feelings again. Rian challenged Ben to see who could eat the most dumplings. Rian won, by six whole gyoza, and Rey had laughed as she stabbed a leftover, slightly cold, pork one off of Ben’s plate. “She wants to get some concrete plans now that it’s less than two weeks away.” 

Right, Rey told herself. That makes sense. “Okay.” She sat back in her chair, wrapping an arm around her as she took the last swig of her tea. It no longer felt as comforting as it did before. Ben must have read her body language as defensive, his mouth curving down into a frown. 

“You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”

“No!” She said a little too quickly. 

“Because Rian’s really excited-” It didn’t take a genius to sense Ben’s worry. And while Rian was excited, she knew Ben was far more eager to introduce his son to Leia and Han. 

“I know.” Rey sighed as she put her empty mug on the table. “I’ve not changed my mind. We’re still coming.”

Ben threw her an odd look but didn’t say anything. “Good. I’m glad.” 

“What does she need to know?” Rey asked, clearing her throat. 

“What time are you arriving? We typically have a late breakfast then dinner at six on the Thursday, but on Wednesday-” 

“We can be there before six.” 

“You’re welcome to come to breakfast as well. You could stay over the night before-”

“I’ll be working Thursday morning. It’s always busy with last minute car emergencies and I always give Finn and Rose the day off.” Rey explained. “Besides, I don’t want to impose on your parents for two nights.” 

“Are you only staying Thursday night?” Ben seemed taken aback. Rey nodded. “You’re welcome for the whole weekend as well. I thought- I thought I mentioned that.” 

“You did, but I thought maybe four days might be a little… much.” She winced at her lack of eloquence. If she was honest with herself, the thought of spending that much time around Ben was a little overwhelming. If she continued to battle with her feelings for him, she wasn’t sure what she might do or say during four days alone together. Hell, she had almost slipped up again just moments ago, after less than a week after promising to just be friends. 

“Oh.”

“Rian can stay if he wants to though. But I don’t want him to feel forced to stay because I am. We’ll come over Thursday and then I’ll leave Friday morning. Rian has a phone and can call me anytime he wants to come home.” 

“You are welcome, Rey. More than welcome.” 

“I know.” She lied. Why would his family want her around? The person that had been delaying this meeting even took place for months. “I don’t _do_ parents.” It was weak excuse, but given what he knew about her past, she knew he would accept it. 

His fingers skimmed over his lips in thought and she could see the exact moment in his posture as he gave in, his shoulders sinking slightly. “Alright. But if you want to stay once you get there, you can.” 

“Thank you. But I don’t think that will be necessary.” 

“So, you’ll both come over as soon as you’ve finished work.”

“Around one or two.” 

Ben nodded as his fingers awkwardly typed on his phone. “Good.”

“I-“ Guilt flooded her. “I suppose I could close the garage on Thursday… come over on Wednesday as well.” It was a subtle change, a slight widening of his eyes, a small tug on his mouth that revealed a dimple in his cheek. “Is there anything I can bring? A dessert or something?” 

“Mom has it all sorted.” Ben assured her. “But maybe a bottle of wine you like?” Rey nodded and Ben wavered, a small noise escaping his lips as he decided on if he should speak or not. “I, er, think my parents want to buy Rian a gift. Do they have your permission?” 

Ah. She suddenly understood his hesitation. Ben’s first attempt as gift giving hadn’t gone down well with her, she could imagine the kind of worry he had about the idea of it happening again. “I don’t know. I guess it depends on what it is? But thank you, for checking in with me.” 

“Probably clothes.” Ben informed her. “They usually buy me a new sweater every year.” 

“Oh.” Rey wasn’t expecting that, having pictured the older wealthy couple offering a giant tv or a Nintendo Switch. Even her worst foster parent had splashed out to get her clothes once in a while, sure they were always from Goodwill. “Like a tradition?”

“I guess you could call it that.”

“That- That sounds nice.” She admitted. 

“It’s actually how I get most of my clothes.” 

“Seriously?” Given how well he dressed, or rather, how well he wore his clothes, she assumed he had a personal shopper or something. Learning that he was as useless as shopping as she was, it was refreshing. Groaning, Rey realised something as she looked down at her baggy white tank top and ill fitted blue cream cardigan with way too many holes in the sleeves to be deemed wearable. “What’s the dress code for this?”

Ben’s cringe answered her fears. “Wear whatever you feel comfortable in.” 

“You are a terrible liar.” They laughed as she slumped in her chair. “Right. That’s it.” Standing up, she grabbed her handbag. 

“What- What are you doing?” 

“We’re going shopping apparently.” She watched as his eyes bulged but only smiled. “I need to pick out a new outfit for Rian, and myself for Thanksgiving. And if the only clothes you’ve had since getting home are from your mother, I think you need to come along as well.”

“Rey-”

“Come on. I don’t have all day.” Her nose wrinkled. “Well, I do, but that’s not the point. Unless, you have something else planned?” 

“Nope. I’m- I’m free.” He tucked his phone back in his pocket and waited by the door for her to put on her shoes, then half an hour later, they were walking through The Paseo shopping mall, pausing outside certain clothing retailers before deciding if they should go in or not. 

It was fun, Rey admitted to herself as she watched Ben choose between two dark checked shirts. 

“What do you think?” He asked, holding up the almost identical cloths by their hangers. 

“Honestly? I can’t tell the difference.” She laughed, covering her smile as Ben re-examined the patterns, his mouth forming a little ‘o’ as he realised they were the same design. 

“I- But I got them up from different places in the store.” He said feebly, confused at his mistake. 

“This is a good thing. You liked it so much you picked it twice.” Rey reasoned, chuckling as she took one from his hand and folded it into the basket she was carrying. 

Ben sighed, following her into the kids’ section as she searched through a rack of trousers for Rian. 

“You don’t have to do this.”

“Do what?” She asked, checking the lining material before putting them back. 

“ _This_. Help me buy new things just to please my parents.” Ben said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He seemed almost bashful. 

“It’s okay.” She shrugged. “I need to buy some new clothes every now and again anyway. Rian is due another growth spurt soon.” She said offhandedly as she inspected the back of a pair before adding them to the basket with a hum of approval. “And if he gets his height from you, I can expect a few more after that.” Rey quipped, smiling as her eyes dragged over Ben’s tall frame, making her point. Only when she reached his face, he looked torn. Like a puppy, all pleading eyes and pouty mouth. “What? What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s clearly not nothing.” Her intuition told her to press further. 

“It doesn’t matter. We can talk about it later.”

“What’s going on, Ben?” She said, her voice soft. 

“I- I don’t deserve all this.” Ben looked down at his feet as Rey moved closer. 

“What do you mean?”

“Rian. You… Your kindness. I don’t deserve any of it.” She quickly looked around them, making sure they were alone, before reaching out to wrap her fingers around his arm. 

“Of course, you do-”

“I gave up, Rey.” He tone was low, a deep rumble that could almost get lost in the quiet pop music the shop had playing the in the background. Her eyebrows pinched together, confused, as she watched the storm rage in his eyes. “I had given up on life. And when I came home… I couldn’t work, I couldn’t have a normal relationship, I couldn’t… I couldn’t have a family like I wanted. I had resigned my life to just pass by, keeping my parents happy and then, I don’t know, die alone.”

“Ben-”

“No. No, this is a good thing, Rey. What I mean is, Rian is… he is _amazing_. You raised him to be this strong, confident, _funny_ boy.” Her face softened at his words, a swell of emotion filling her chest. “You could have run away and refused to let me see him, and I’ll admit, I was angry the other day when you admitted that you almost did, but you didn’t. You could have turned him against me but… but you are too kind and wonderful to ever do that. You gave me the chance to get to know him, to have the family… But I expected this.” He gestured around the brightly lit store, as if it was a paradise. “I’m… I’m so happy, that you are in my life now, that I can be some small part of your family. And I- I- You’ve given me a purpose again. Both of you.”

“Ben-”

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you.” Dipping his head slightly, the corner of his mouth quirking up in a small smile. “Thank you for letting me be part of your life, and for being part of mine.” 

Smiling back at him, it would have been so easy for her to push up on her toes and press her mouth gently to his. The instinct felt completely natural, despite the bright lights and nearby shoppers, like it was just the two of them in that small, but intimate conversation. But reality sunk in quick when a screaming child in the distance broke the almost peaceful moment between them. 

“You don’t have to thank me.” Rey cleared her throat, trying to ignore the redness in her cheeks. “Anyone would do the same.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Ben insisted. “This isn’t normal, what you are doing for me isn’t normal. You are such an amazing person, Rey, and I won’t stop thanking you for that until you realise it.” 

“It’s getting late.” Rey said, starting to feel uncomfortable and trying to change the subject. “We should pay.” 

“Let me buy dinner.” Ben asserted, clearly not wanting to end their day on this strange tone. “I saw a Mexican place earlier-”

“No. Rian doesn’t like their tacos.” Rey said automatically. 

“Rey...” She looked up, her breath catching in her throat as she saw the heated look in his eyes. “Rian isn’t here tonight.” 

She found herself nodding unexpectantly. “Mexican’s good. And they do take out.” She said, not really knowing where the implication for them to eat at her home instead of in the restaurant came from. 

Their friendship had already gotten so dangerously close to messy before, she didn’t know why she was jeopardising their agreed friendship by making an obviously risky choice, but he didn’t seem to mind either, not mentioning it as they paid for the clothes. Or when she double checked that their order was to go, he didn’t speak up. Clearly Ben didn’t feel the same Icarus, flying too close to the sun, nervousness that she was. So, they waited in an odd silence for their name to be called. Awkwardly collecting the plastic bags before making their way back to the car. 

Sitting with the food on her lap, the warmth seeping through the bag onto her thighs, it was comforting. And so was his presence, as she glanced over to see his profile on the driver’s side, backlit from the setting sun. There was an almost regal quietness and authority to it. Like he was sure of himself, but not in a cocky way. No, it was calmer than that. 

Rey grabbed plates as Ben emptied the food from the containers when they got back to her apartment, pouring them both a glass of wine in the process. 

“They gave us four churros.” Ben noted, which cause Rey to groan. 

“Oh god. They probably thought all this food was for a family of four, and not two people.” She covered her face in shame. 

“I told you six tacos might be a lot.” Ben pointed out. 

“I don’t get to eat Mexican often. I guess I went a little overboard.” She admitted. “Take away is still such a treat to me.” 

“We have take out every week.” Ben said, confused. 

“Only because of you. Before it was only reserved for special occasions.” 

“Oh.” Ben paused, his hand hovering as it went to place down a container of guacamole. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I love Friday evenings, and Rian can eat his whole body weight in food so he isn’t complaining. It just… still doesn’t sit right. Spending that much money on food all the time.” 

Ben considered her words. “Is that because of your childhood?” He finally asked, just as Rey ripped open a paper bag full of tortilla chips. 

She nodded. “I know it’s silly, but money feels like it’s worth a lot more to me than most people.” Shrugging, she poured the chips into a bowl before starting to sit down and survey the mountain of food they ordered on the table. “Like, I know $50 doesn’t seem much to you, but to me… to me that’s food for two weeks. Even though I spend more now, now that I have Rian, but that mindset is still there. That hungry, poor kids who used to dumpster dive to get by.” 

It felt oddly easy to talk to him about this, something she had only spoken to Finn and Rose about. Maybe it was because she was in a better place now, mentally and financially, but deep down she knew it was because she like Ben. They had a connection and she needed him to know the things from her past that had shaped her into who she was. 

“I shouldn’t complain. I love food.” She grabbed a taco and shoved half of it in her mouth, chewing messily as she beamed at him. It took a few seconds for Ben to respond, the shift had happened so fast he hadn’t quite processed her words and caught up before she changed the tone of the conversation. “Oh my god.” She groaned, her mouth still full as she rested her elbow on the table and held up the other half of the taco as if it was a trophy. “These are incredible.” 

Ben relaxed, sitting down and tucking into the food, quickly agreeing with her as he took a bite. 

“I can’t believe Rian doesn’t like Mexican food.” Rey frowned as she swiped a chip through the guacamole. 

“I blame how he was raised.” Ben joked, dryly, a smirk gracing his lips as Rey gasped. 

“How dare you!” She laughed. “That’s it, I’m having the rest of the tacos. You don’t deserve them anymore.” She went to gather the remaining four but Ben’s chuckle stopped her. Huffing, a little over dramatically as she played up to the wounded role, she crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s just a phase. He doesn’t like avocados yet, I’m sure when he grows into them, he’ll open up to Mexican food.” Rey explained, taking a quesadilla when Ben offered it to her. 

“When he does, we should take him to Mexico.” Ben commented, taking a sip of his wine before examining the liquid in the glass. She knew her $7 bottle of Pinot from Trader Joe’s wasn’t the fanciest wine, but it tasted nice to her, and was crisp and easy to drink without being too sweet. She wasn’t seventeen anymore, drinking a bottle of rosé that Finn has snuck from his foster parents in the school field as if it was Ribena. Rey couldn’t help but cringe at the memories. Those were messy nights, where neither of them wanted to go home and ended up huddled together outside a school building until it was morning. 

Realising she hadn’t responded, Rey quickly tried to focus back on their conversation. “Like, a holiday?” 

Ben nodded. “I used to go there all the time with my dad when I was a teenager. I think Rian would love it, well, once he starts enjoying the food.” 

“That would be nice for the two of you to bond.” Rey admitted, feeling left out. She had never experienced a family vacation with a parent. None of her foster parents either cared or could afford a vacation, and while the bitterness of never having the normal childhood treats like that had long faded, it still made her sad that she didn’t have memories to share of her own. 

“Well, for all of us.” Ben corrected, not realising Rey’s assumption. 

Rey couldn’t help but smile as she stared at Ben from across the table, his large hand wrapped around the taco easily, his jaw moving as he chewed. He was so incredibly handsome and Rey suddenly felt overwhelmed as pieces seemed to click into place. He… Ben thought of her as part of his family. Rey blinked, not quite processing her realisation. She knew he adored Rian, accepting him before he even got to know the eleven-year-old. But her… She always thought she’d just be the co-parent. The other person who looked after Rian. Realising now that he thought of her as… a companion of sorts, it was a lot to absorb. 

Growing up in the foster system, she had always dreamed of a real family. That somehow her parents or a sibling would turn up one day and rescue her. Then she grew up and that silly dream was slowly teased and mocked out of her by cruel kids who knew better, or sneering foster parents who found her wishful thinking funny. 

Then she had met Finn, a kindred spirit, and suddenly a real family paled in comparison to the found family she had. Finn introduced her to Poe and then she adopted Rian, and a few years later Rose applied for a job at the garage… and now she was surrounded by loved ones. She actually felt lucky, blessed even, for not having a blood family she had to be stuck with, instead she had one created from shared experiences, loyalty, kindness, and love. 

And now there was Ben. Another lost soul. One who had found a home with Rian and her. Could she really open herself up to accept him in the small, very special, group of people that she considered family? It seemed he had already considered her like that for a while without her noticing. 

Finishing off the last of the tortilla chips, she watched Ben. His steady, calm, presence had been so incredibly wonderful to have in her life for the last few months. Her stubbornness to accept him at first had quickly melted away when she saw just how much he loved and appreciated Rian. And now they had formed an easy friendship. Or at least, that’s what she thought it was. It seemed Ben had created a special category for her to live in. More than a co-parent, but less than a partner. 

From the kitchen counter, she heard her phone vibrate against the surface. Jumping up, she was pleased for the distraction, however that quickly disappeared when she saw the name on the screen. 

“Excuse me.” She said, throwing an apologetic look in Ben’s direction as she hurried to her bedroom and closed the door. “Hello?”

“Rey. I’m sorry to call you late on a Saturday.” Amilyn’s voice was soft, but there was a hint of anger there that made Rey concerned. 

“It’s okay. Is something wrong?”

“I bet those bastards thought I wouldn’t check my email at weekends. It’s sneaky, but I didn’t expect anything less.”

“What- what do you mean?” 

“Ben Solo’s lawyer, Enric Pryde sent an email this evening, and Rey… I have good reason to believe that on Monday morning they will start the legal process of obtaining fully custody of Rian. Rey, Ben Solo is going to take your son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides* Please don't hate me...


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Please note the story rating has changed** , and I wanted to make sure those who didn't sign up for E rated content can still read this story. So, about 1/3 of the way through this chapter I will end a sentence with an *****. If you don't want to read the E content, please end the chapter there. 
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

“I’m sorry?” Rey blinked, stunned at what she had just heard.

“Pryde got in touch with some questions.” She could hear the rustling of papers over the line. “Questions about Rian’s school details and weekly schedule. Medical conditions and history. Dentist, optometrist details. It’s a checklist of very specific information, and it’s quite telling. Rey, I don’t want to scare you, but this sort of request usually comes just before a parent files for sole custody and takes the child into their care full time.”

Rey’s heart sped up in her chest, her eyes darting to the door that she knew Ben was behind, sitting only a few feet away drinking wine and eating the last of their dinner.

“Are you sure?” She didn’t want to believe it. What Amilyn was saying felt like the total opposite side of the Ben she knew. Her mind raced. He wanted them to co-parent. He… he wanted them to go on a family holiday together, her brain supplied feebly. Rey sniffed, wiping the back of her hand across her nose as she blinked back the tears.

“I’m almost certain, Rey. I’m sorry. People don’t just request this information out of the blue on a weekend, not without an ulterior motive.” She heard Amilyn huff and another flutter of papers, clearly the older woman wasn’t pleased with this development either. “I know this is awful, but if you have Rian’s best interest at heart, and I know you do, you should prepare him that he might not see you very much soon, and will be spending some more time with his father over the next few weeks, then help him pack a bag. Just in case. There is nothing worse than having to do that in a rush when Ben comes knocking.”

Tears refused to stop falling as Rey wiped them away furiously. “Thank you Amilyn. Can I… can I call you back tomorrow morning? To go over-” Her voice cracked and to her shame, she couldn’t continue.

“It’s okay. Is Rian there?”

“He’s at a sleepover.” Rey whispered.

“Good. Take your time to absorb this. We can speak tomorrow about next steps.” Amilyn said gently, and Rey nodded despite knowing no one could see. Amilyn didn’t know that she wasn’t alone, if she did, she probably would have advised Rey against speaking to Ben, but a sudden surge of fury filled her chest.

“I have to go.” Rey muttered, her eyes narrowing at the door as she pulled the phone away from her ear.

How could she have been so stupid? How could she let her guard down and welcome Ben so deeply into her life, just so he could push her out of the way for his own benefit. He wasn’t here tonight as a friend, he was here to make her feel like a fool when on Monday morning he came knocking on the door, demanding Rian move to Bel Air with him.

That’s why she didn’t let people in. That’s why she never trusted anyone but herself.

Taking a shaky breath until her lungs felt clear and her face was free of tears, she opened to door and marched into her living room, letting her anger give her strength.

“I poured you another glass, I hope you don’t mind-” Ben was holding the now empty bottle of wine in his hand but froze when he saw her face. “Rey? Are you alright? Is everything okay?”

She let out a bitter laugh. “Is everything okay? Seriously?” Ben carefully put down the bottle and held his hands out as if he was trying to calm her down, it was oddly reminiscent of their first meeting in old Ben Kenobi’s office, when he treated her like a wild animal as she snapped at him. She supposed she looked just as crazed again, her eyes flashing with rage, her body tense with fury. “You have some nerve, coming here-”

“Rey-”

“Don’t! Don’t you dare.” Rey pointed at him, her other fingers wrapped so tightly around her phone the edges of it dug into her skin. “That was Amilyn. She got an email from your lawyer and was preparing me for Rian to be taken away on Monday morning.”

“Jesus...” Ben’s hands clenched into fists and she watched as an anger she had never witnessed before take over him. “Fucking Christ!” Turning around, he looked ready to lash out.

“Sorry to ruin the surprise.” Rey spat at him. “I thought this was working, Ben? I thought you were happy with our arrangement.”

“I was, I am!” Ben said quickly, spinning on his heels to face her.

“Then what’s happening? Because I just got told to pack a bag for my son and say goodbye because it could be weeks before you let me have a scheduled visit.”

“This isn’t- I wasn’t-” Ben stumbled over his words, and she could tell he was getting frustrated at his inability to get his point across but refused to feel sorry for him. “I can’t believe he fucking did it like this! I didn’t-”

“Didn’t what? Didn’t trust me? Didn’t think I was a good enough mother to your son?”

“No!” Ben shouted, crossing the small living room so they stood only a step away from each other, his arms and palms open to her, wanting to touch her but wise enough to know that would only make matters worse. “You are an amazing mother, Rey.”

“Then why are you doing this to me?” Rey asked, her voice cracking as she felt her anger break into the real reason she was yelling at him. She was afraid. “Why would you take him from me? From his home?”

“I’m not! _I_ would never do that.”

Rey paused. Her mouth twisted at the way he stressed his words. “Oh? But _I_ would?”

“Shit. That’s not what I meant.”

“Is this because of what I said the other day?” She held out her arm, forcing him to stay away from her.

“Yes. No!” His hands were on his hips, then in his hair, each movement was jerky and it was clear he was agitated. “Sort of. Baz invaded your life, Rey. After you made it crystal clear that was something you never wanted to happen. I was - you admitted you were tempted to run once before – after we first met - I thought you might be tempted to do it again.”

“And that’s why you did this? That’s why you’re going to take him away from me? Because I panicked when I first found out about you?”

“No! Not at all. It was a precaution-“

“I trusted you, Ben. I thought you were better than this. Did you even think about Rian? His well-being? What he wants?” Rey covered her mouth, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Of course I thought of Rian. All I do is for him!”

She scoffed. “I thought things were okay like this.” Her hand motioned between them. “I thought we were working.”

“Things are okay. We work together so well. I didn’t go to Pryde to take Rian away from you, I promise you that.” Ben sighed, looking at the floor, his guilt clear.

“I don’t want your promises.” Her voice was dangerously low, barely a mutter.

“I know.”

She steeled her expression and forced Ben to answer her questions. “Then why did you do it, Ben? Because Amilyn said the only time she gets asked these questions is when a parent is snooping out all the important information a parent needs for sole custody. Medical records, school details.” Tears stung her eyes but she willed them away. “It was pretty clear to her what you wanted, so why lie?”

“I panicked.” He admitted after a moment of silence. “I was scared I’d lose Rian. Enric said it was normal fact finding. ‘Just in case’ sort of stuff. I didn’t think- I didn’t think he’d do it in a way that made you think I was going to do something rash. Rey, I never had any intention of taking Rian away from you unless it was my only choice. I didn’t…” He sighed, his body slumping in defeat. “I’m sorry. It didn’t cross my mind what this could have looked like to you. And I will talk to Enric about his obviously poor handling of the situation. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She laughed bitterly. “You could have just asked, Ben. I would have told you all this stuff anyway.” She admitted. “I wasn’t hiding anything.”

“I know. I know you would have, because you’re a great mom. I was stupid. I wasn’t thinking.” His hands were on her arms before she could move away, any doubt from doing it before now gone or ignored as he rubbed comforting patterns into her skin as he spoke. She wasn’t sure who they were meant to soothe more, her or him. “I’m sorry, Rey. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I can’t lose him. I… I can’t lose....” His eyes shone in the artificial light of her flat, their hazel colour bright with unshed tears as his bottom lip quivered. She didn’t realise her gaze had fallen to his mouth until she gasped, looking up to find his doing the same thing. “I can’t lose you, Rey.” He repeated, his voice sounding more certain.

“Ben-”

“No. I need to- I need to tell you-”

“Please...” Rey shook her head, she knew what he was about to say and it would only mess up this already messy situation. Their emotions were in overdrive, their feelings heightened by stress or fear or anger, she wasn’t sure, but she couldn’t handle him saying something they would both regret the next day. “Don’t.”

Something snapped inside him. Perhaps her denying him the chance to speak had left him no choice but to prove his point in actions instead. Large hands cupped her jaw, angling her head to line up perfectly with his. Her lips parted in a silent gasp as his nose slid the length of hers, before he closed the gap, his mouth crashing into hers as if her lips held the meaning to life on them.

Her hands were firm and encouraging, her fingers curled into his shirt, pulling hard on the material so their bodies pressed against each other. And a groan that left his mouth as she wrapped her arms around his chest was almost sinful.

This wasn’t like the soft, careful kiss they had shared before. This was demanding, searching for reassurance that they weren’t alone in their overwhelming desire for each other. Tilting her head slightly, she opened her mouth, sucking in a shuddery breath before darting her tongue out. He tasted sharp like apples, she wondered if it was from the wine or if that was how it always was.  
But there was something richer, something darker. She chased the taste of it, her nerve endings on fire as the tip of his tongue flicked her upper lip, his fingers skimming the line of her jaw, his palm tracing her neck before curving behind and tangling in her hair.

She was lost in the moment, forgetting all sense of reason, her hands acting out of instinct as they started to tug and work at the buttons of his shirt. It scared her how easily they moved together, how much she needed him. But her fears vanished when Ben broke the kiss, his pupils blown with lust and heat looking down at her. She knew hers matched.

Their chests heaved in sync, as they stared like hungry predators sizing up their enemy. He waited, his eyes widening slightly as the gravity of what they had just done started to dawn on him, but Rey couldn’t let him give in. Not now. Not when she was already too far gone.

Her arms fell to his hips, her fingers curling around his pelvis as she stepped into the space between them. Her eyebrow raised slightly, a small expression but it was enough, enough to challenge him. She wanted this. Was he really going to back off now?

The growl that escaped his throat was almost inhuman, and Rey let out an indignant squeak when he gathered her up in her arms, his teeth finding her lower lip and tugging on the flesh.

It was intoxicating. And fast, Rey noted, not knowing how they had reached her bedroom until the door was kicked shut behind them. *****

“Rey...” Ben breathed, his voice clouded with arousal that caused the fire in her belly to burn deeper. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

Rey sucked in a breath, her lips hoovering over his as she searched his face. How could he be such a mystery to her when he looked at her like this? His eyes so open and honest, practically begging her not to reject him. “Don’t stop.” She wasn’t sure where her demand came from, her voice barely above a whisper as her fingers carded through his hair, her short nails scrapping lightly over the shell of his ears.

He nodded, dipping his head to between her neck and shoulder, kissing the tender skin and making her dizzy as he continued. “I’ve thought about this for weeks, _months_. I told myself it was wrong, but fuck, Rey...” She ground her hips into his and they both hissed at the friction. “You made it impossible not to want you.”

Tilting her head back so he had better access, Rey revelled in his words. “Ben, please…”

“Those skin-tight little tank tops.” Large hands encased her ribs, his teeth scraping over her neck making her gasp. “I thought you were teasing me, showing off your tight little body.” His words were heady and intoxicating in a way she could only compare to the feeling she had in elevators sometimes where her stomach jumps and her feet feel like they will fall out from under her.

“Ben-” She had no idea. Half of her wanted to apologise, while the other half screamed in delight to learn how she had affected him.

“You have no idea how many times I thought about throwing you over the couch or table and fucking you.” His voice dripped with danger. “But you’re Rian’s mom, so I told myself that I couldn’t. That you would never think of me like that, that you would never want me.” He muttered between lavishing her skin with little nips and kisses. She felt dizzy.

The back of her legs hit the edge of her mattress. “I want you.” Pulling back slightly, Rey finished undoing the last of his shirt buttons and started to push the material off his shoulders when a hand stopped her.

“Rey-” The air in the room changed, it was only subtle, but enough to make Rey look back up at him. “I have… I have scars…”

Rey nodded. She didn’t mind a few scars, she had a few herself and she wasn’t some pristine princess who needed a perfect man, but she knew it meant a lot to him, his insecurity hanging in the air around them. “I know.” She told him, kissing him soundly on the lips, then pushing the fabric off his shoulders. Her eyes fell to his bare chest, her tongue coming out to wet her lips without her realising as she took him in.

He was pale. She knew that already, but it was surprising to see just how creamy his skin was, especially given how they lived in one of the sunniest states in America. The thin faded hint of an old scar that crossed his face and neck went further down than she expected, her eyes ran along the line that curved down and ended on the right side of his chest. It looked… she couldn’t explain it, only knowing that she felt sad because of it. Because of the pain he had been through in his past.

Her eyes caught sight of another scar, this one was angrier, a deep red crescent moon on his left shoulder, the skin surrounding it a bright white, tight from the slow healing process. Her fingers ghosting over it, hesitant to touch it. Glancing up, her eyes asked the silent question. With a small nod of permission from Ben, Rey leaned forward, but instead of the pads of her fingers, she pressed her lips into the damaged flesh. Softly kissing the scar.

She felt him take a shuddered breath as he just stood there, silent, his swollen lips red and slightly parted as his dark eyes watched her for any sign of disgust or doubt. Feelings Rey would never have had when it came to him. Bending her knees, Rey continued to pepper gentle kisses over every marked bit of flesh she could find, moving lower until she was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands hovering at the top of his pants.

The scars were different there, she noted. A small smattering of dark hair trailing beyond his waistline hid some of them, but she could still see tens of white raised bits of skin, their size ranging slightly, but their shapes were exactly the same. Like tiny diamonds… Her mouth fell open as she realised what they were.

“Shrapnel.” Ben’s voice broke her out of her thoughts, confirming them. “You don’t-” She cut him off, flicking the tip of her tongue over the first scar she could reach. Ben’s reaction was immediate, his hand grasping and cupping the side of her head, a choked noise rumbling through his chest. It was overwhelming for her, she couldn’t imagine what this meant to him.

Her hands worked on his belt, unfastening it and tugging down the zip before pushing the material down his hips. Ben helped, bending down to step out of them and kick the material out of the way before straightening up, letting Rey see him completely naked for the first time.

She knew he was in good shape, but she never could have anticipated how intimidating he would look, all hard muscle and height, standing in front of her. She supposed sitting down might have made him appear taller than he really was, but she didn’t imagine by much.

Her vantage point also made it impossible not to appreciate his… other bodily advantages. Rey knew she was blushing deeply as her eyes scanned down, following the peppering of scars lower until they disappeared completely into a dark smattering of hair. Then it was unavoidable to see.

It has been years, well over a century since she had been with a man, but she couldn’t remember penises ever seeming that big before. No, Rey told herself, he must be above average. There was no way she wouldn’t have remembered that sort of girth and length if the other boys she had been with were the same, and hanging out with Finn and Poe gave her some unfortunate bystander knowledge of cocks that she was suddenly grateful for.

The second thing that surprised her was him being circumcised. She had never been with a circumcised man before. Her mind raced, did that mean she had to do something different? Were their rules for cut penises that she didn’t know? If she wasn’t scared of her lack of experience before, suddenly all her fears flooded back and she was left wide eyed, looking at his cock as if it was a loaded gun.

“Rey?” Ben’s voice was tinged with concern, the hand was back, cupping her jaw gently, his thumb stroking up and down the bone.

“Sorry. It… it’s been a while.” She admitted, taking a moment to breathe out.

“Same.” They shared a small smile before Rey tentatively reached out, her fingers wrapping around him. Again, she was surprised at how silky smooth the skin was.

Ben hissed, jerking slightly. “Shit. Sorry.” Rey said quickly, looking up to see his strained expression and tried to pull away but Ben’s hand closed around hers and held it tighter. “Does it hurt?” She asked, thinking for the first time of what Ben had told her about not being able to have kids and Finn and Poe wondering if the accident had affected his ability to perform.

“No.” Ben said through gritted teeth. “It’s- it’s good.” He admitted. “Fuck, it’s good.” His words gave her the confidence to continue, slowly at first, experimenting with how she could grip him, and how fast she could move back and forth. It was clear quite quickly that she didn’t have the same sort of glide she remembered and realised the problem. Leaning closer, Rey opened her lips and wrapped them gentle around the tip of his cock.

Ben sucked in a breath and shivered at the sensation, which only spurred her on. Swirling her tongue over the head, she closed her eyes for a moment and took in the feeling, the weight of him in her hand, the heat of his skin, the scent of his arousal. It was a heady mixture and Rey found herself drowning in it as she started to lick her way up and down his length, leaving a wet trail of saliva as she went.

She looked up at him through her eyelashes and caught him staring down at her, his eyes a dark mixture of brown and hazel that mirrored her own.

Curling one hand around his girth, she hollowed her cheeks and took as much of him in her mouth as she could, causing Ben to throw his head back.

“Fuck.” He murmured, and she felt his hand fisting up in her hair. “That’s so good, Rey. What you’re doing is amazing. _You’re_ amazing.” She hummed around him, pleased at the praises she was getting from him, before continuing to lubricate him the best she could before pulling back and letting her hand pump a little faster instead. The little uncontrollable grunts and groans she was getting from him were like music to her ears, and she found herself liking having this effect on him.

Ben seemed torn between pleasure and torture as he groaned again, his hand not making up its mind with what to do, moving from rubbing little circles on her jaw in encouragement, then clenching in her hair, only to move up to his own face as he covered his mouth in awe at her. He seemed utterly lost, but she was there to help him.

“ _Jesus Christ_.” Ben hissed again, looking down at her after a particularly good pump of his cock that must have had him on edge. His favourite curse seemed funnier to her now she knew his religious upbringing. Or perhaps him being circumcised was to do with the injury. It scared her a little, what had happened, and that fear made her avoid touching his testicles in case there was still lingering pain or… or if she did something wrong.

Her pace increased slightly as she let go of him from her lips and worked him with just her hand. “Ben?”

He nodded, his eyes closed.

“Please kiss me.” She didn’t need to ask twice. Ben took her request as if it was a mission. His eyes snapped open, his hands held each side of her face as he bent down, dwarfing her in a mind blowing kiss that made her toes curl. She let go of his cock, her hands finding home on his shoulders as he gently eased her back on the bed, his body covering hers until all she could see was him.

Rey lapped up everything he gave her, parting her lips so he could delve his tongue into her mouth. At some point, he helped her out of her jeans and underwear, kissing up her legs until he reached the bottom of the white tee she wore. His eye flashed in victory as she held up her arms and he practically tore the thin fabric from her body and threw it across the room.

Only in her bralette, Rey tried not to feel self-conscious. She was thirty-two for god sake, she shouldn’t feel worried about how small her boobs were, or if he thought the bruise on her ribs from where she banged it under a car a few days earlier was ugly.

Their eyes caught again, and suddenly all those worries vanished. He was looking at her in awe, his eyes burning with desire, and she imagined she looked equally enthralled as she looked up at him. How was he with her right now? How did this happen again? She tried to think, but her mind was fuzzy with lust.

“Amazing.” Was all he said before seizing her lips again in a bruising kiss.

A whine escaped her lips, making Ben pause, his eyes asking a silent question as his hand moved lower, finding a home between her legs. She nodded, wetting her lips and not breaking eye contact as she felt his fingers start to explore at her entrance.

“Fuck. You’re so wet.” He rasped.

“Don’t stop.” Rey begged, worried he would stop after finding her so obviously needy for him.

“Oh, I won’t.” He practically purred, before nudging at her neck with his nose, trailing little nips and kisses along the tender flesh again as his fingers worked in tandem, parting her centre and stroking circle around the bundle of nerves at the top until she was squirming for more. Gasping, she felt breathless as he expertly teased her clit, opening her legs to give him more access as she rolled her hips up into his hand.

“So beautiful.” He chuckled at her enthusiasm, before placing a delicate kiss on the tip of her nose.

Rey wanted to scold him, getting more and more frustrated by the second, but Ben seemed to read her mind, shifting his weight and pressing his legs between hers until they were wide enough to fit all of him.

“Is this okay?” He asked, as he lined up their hips, one hand on the bed by her side, holding his weight, the other dragging the tip of his cock between her folds until she wanted to beg him to take her already.

“Yes, god yes.” She cried out, her skin tingling with anticipation, her hands grabbing at his shoulders, pulling him down for another kiss, needing more, before letting her head fall back.

She watched as his head dropped, dark hair falling into his face as he watched with avid interested. Following his gaze, she whined at the sight of him waiting at her entrance, ready to sink in.

“Shit. Stop. Stop!” Ben froze immediately as her words. “We need- I don’t have any condoms.” Rey said, her panic and disappointment clear.

Relaxing, Ben let out a puff of air as he chuckled lightly to himself. “Rey.” He leaned down, capturing her lips in a slow and agonisingly soft kiss. She could feel his smile. “We don’t need one.” He reminded her. “I can’t- There’s no risk.”

“Right.” Rey nodded, feeling silly for forgetting such an important fact of Ben’s life. “Right. Sorry. I’m good to go then.”

“Good to go?” Ben quoted back at her, one eyebrow raised as a small smirk graced his features.

“You know what I mean.” Rey swotted him on the shoulder, and tilted her hips, reminding him of what they were in the middle of, taking pleasure in the way his eyes immediately glazed over with lust as she did so.

“Good to go.” Ben muttered again to himself as he slowly began to ease himself inside her.

She was not prepared for the size of him, and it took a moment for her to adjust to the stretch, taking deep breaths to stop tensing and relax. “I’m okay.” She assured him, her hand rubbing his shoulder as the other fisted the sheets. “It’s- You’re just really big.” She admitted, making Ben groan.

Slowly he pushed forward until he was completely buried, and all Rey could see and feel and think of was him.

Rolling her hips experimentally, he swore, his head dropping to her shoulder.

“Fuck.” He groaned again, looking down between them. “You… _Fuck_ , Rey. You feel incredible.”

“Keep going.” She licked his ear and felt a shiver go down his spine before his pulled back, gently rocking in and out of her by only a few inches until she was comfortable. Then his purposefully slow pace felt torturous, like she was close to grabbing _something_ but it was just out of her reach. Her legs stretched out before wrapping around his ass, pushing him deeper as he bottomed out in her. “Oh.” She grunted, enjoying how heavy his body felt on her, the slap of flesh as he sped up, the tension building inside her as she reached and reached…

“That’s nice. I’m close.” She muttered, mostly to herself, and the sweet slide of him keep hitting harder and deeper until every muscle on tense and ready to burst. “Ben, that’s so nice.”

Rey’s muscles jerked, causing her to grip him tighter, pulling his chest so close to hers that she wasn’t sure where she ended and he began. His thrusts paused, obviously concerned for her but she quickly grunted, digging her heels into the large muscles of his ass to keep going.

A few delirious seconds later she was about to snap. “Please. Don’t stop.” She moaned, not know what she was asking for. “Please, Ben.”

Then it all crashed down on her. Each muscle clenched and unclenched beyond her control, the noises she was making were barely human and she could only just make out that she was trying to say his name as she squeezed her eyes shut so tightly she started to see bright white stars in the darkness.

“Fuck!”

Ben’s hips slammed into her, the movements wild and harder and she knew he was coming too, his hand gripping her hip so tightly that she knew it would leave a bruise as he buried deep inside her with a grunt.

It was magnificent. Rey couldn’t think of a better way to describe it. It was like everything that had been building for the last few months, even since she first saw him in Kenobi’s office, had been to get to this moment. This earth-shattering, sweaty, orgasmic moment.

Her walls were still pulsing with pleasure when Ben pulled out with a hiss, but he didn’t move away from her, instead, he pulled her on top of him so she was laying on his chest. Wrapping his arms around her and kissing her temple before letting his head fall back onto the pillows, she felt comfortable. She felt safe. She felt… content.

They didn’t speak for a while. The only sound in the bedroom was their out of sync breathing as they came down from their highs.

And then reality set back in.

Tensing, Rey’s mind began to race.

She had just had sex for the first time in twelve years. Sex with the father of her adopted son. The father who she had to see all the time and had sworn not to get involved romantically with. The father who could take her son away at a moment’s notice. The father who… The father who called her amazing and beautiful and cared about her.

“Ben-”

“I know.” He whispered, tugging her closer to him, his hand moving a strand of hair from her face and stroking it gently. “Go to sleep, Rey.” She didn’t have to look at him to tell his eyes were closed and he was already halfway gone.

Sleep, Rey told herself. She could deal with the consequences tomorrow. Closing her eyes, she relaxed into the hand that was stroking lazy patterns up and down her back. For some reason, maybe it was being in his arms, the consequences didn’t actually seem that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! The moment you've all been waiting for. I hope it was okay :-S
> 
> Please don't forget to comment and kudos! And feel free to follow me on twitter and other platforms: [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning: There is now E rated content in this story, BUT** you can still read it if you want to skip those sections. 17 paragraphs in, I will end a sentence with a **slow kiss.*** as that is where E content starts. It ends 8 paragraphs later and another ***** will mark where it is okay to start reading again.
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

She wasn’t sure what time it was when she was stirred awake by the sound of whimpering.

During sleep, they must have untangled themselves from each other’s arms, and rolling over, Rey rubbed her eyes to find Ben on his back next to her. His fists were clenched tightly around the sheets, his body covered in sweat as his head tossed back and forth. It was obvious that he was having some kind of nightmare, but it was the small noises he was making that scared her the most. It was like he was trying to scream, his neck muscles tense, but only choked sounds escaped his lips.

“Ben?” Sitting up, she pulled back from him just as his legs kicked out, missing her by inches.

Between grunts and muffled words, she could make out one or two ‘No’s and a ‘Stop’. It made her heart clench as she slowly reached a hand out, trying to figure out the best way to wake him.

“Ben. You’re having a bad dream.” Despite her low volume, it sounded loud in the quiet room. When he didn’t hear her, she bit her lip and tried again, this time resting her palm on his chest. Even though he was covered in sweat, his skin was cold. “Ben. Wake up.” Pressing down lightly, Ben stilled.

It all happened so quickly, Rey could barely register it. All she knew was one moment Ben was laying next to her, the next he had sprung up from the bed, there was a crash as things spilled off her bedside table and she looked up to find Ben, wide eyed, holding her lamp above his head, ready to strike down at her.

Holding out her hands defensively, she tried to stay calm, but the wild look in his eyes told her Ben wasn’t in the room with her. “Ben?”

The lamp broke as it hit the ground.

“Rey.” And his arms were wrapped around her in an instant. “I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m so sorry. I would never hurt you. I swear.” Stiffly, she hugged him back, her mind whirling as she tried to process what had just happened.

She had heard of people having PTSD, and she imagined it manifested itself in thousands of different ways. Maybe for him it involved nightmares? Or maybe it was a one off. His mind and body uneasy in a new, unfamiliar bed. Whatever it was, it felt too early to delve into. The warm glow of the sun rising was only just peeking through her bedroom window, causing long shadows to spill across the room. And even with her alarm clock thrown to the floor, she imagined it couldn’t be later than 5am.

“It’s okay. It was just a bad dream.” She shushed him, stroking the back of his neck like she used to with Rian.

“I would never hurt you.” He repeated, his arms tugging her tightly against him in desperation as he pressed his face deep into her neck.

“I know.” She cooed. “It’s okay.” It felt odd, comforting a grown man. Especially with them both being naked in her bed. But after a few minutes, his hold on her relaxed.

“I should have warned you. About the dreams.” He clarified. “I don’t get them all the time. I thought… I thought maybe…” She still couldn’t see his face, but she could imagine the pain in those sad eyes.

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have tried to wake you up.” Rey admitted.

Ben pulled back, his eyes piercing hers. The morning light highlighted the brown and green shades in such a way they almost glowed golden. “Don’t say that. This isn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have- I should have told you, I should have slept elsewhere.” Rey started to shake her head but he kept speaking. “I knew what could happen. This is my fault, Rey.”

“It’s no-one’s fault, Ben.” Rey insisted, her hand reaching up to push away the strands of hair that had fallen into his face. Not sure where she was pulling this early morning strength from, perhaps it was years of dealing with a tired grumpy son, but she gave Ben a reassuring smile, tilting his head up with her finger so he couldn’t avoid her eye contact anymore. “We all have bad dreams once in a while.” Her voice was soft, almost motherly.

Ben searched her face, his own unreadable, before closing the gap between them for an achingly slow kiss.*

Her eyes fluttered closed, enjoying the sweet sensualness of it. Her hands dragged down his rib cage, finding a home at the curve of his hips. And he was cradling her face as if she was the most delicate thing he had ever witnessed, as they fell back onto the bed.

It didn’t take long before they were moving together, him sliding into her in one swift motion, groaning into her mouth as she engulfed him.

Where the night before had been fast and chaotic, this was slow and purposeful. Every thrust Ben made was followed with a slow press, until he was buried so deep in her Rey couldn’t feel anything but him. Then, with a deliberate kiss, he would reluctantly ease out before repeating it all over again until Rey was a quivering mess. It was a beautiful rhythm that Rey couldn’t explain. This wasn’t sex. This was… this was something different. Comfort? Devotion? Desperation? She didn’t know.

Gone were the rough words, replaced with quiet reverence as his eyes never left her face. It was incredibly intimate, and Rey was on the edge of tears as she reached her peak, nails digging into his flesh, legs stretching out, her body tightening like a violin string ready to be plucked, pulled to its very limit.

Last night her orgasm had burned through her, but now, it felt like an ocean wave washing over her, cooling as every muscle feeling weightless as she came down in an instant, blissed out and utterly breathless from the experience. Ben was still taking his time, his arms curled around her body, holding her closer and closer with every roll of his hips. She thought it would be suffocating, to be trapped in his embrace, and while it was overwhelming, she had never felt so adored in her life. Like she was made for Ben to worship.

His breath was hot and wet on her chest as his forehead pressed into her collarbone. It was clear from the noises he was making, and the erratic edge to his thrusts, that he was close now. Holding him tightly, she stroked his hair and revelled in the grunts he made as he came, the confirmation that he was as affected as much as she was by whatever they were doing.

Rey had never thought sex could be like that. Sure, her experiences were limited, but she had seen movies where the two love interests finally admitted their feelings and the camera went all soft focus and the only noises that could be heard over the romantic pop song were their moans. It had never been like that for her. Sex had always just been to scratch an itch, or maybe to rebel in an unhealth way when she was a teenager. There were never any real feelings attached to it, well, until now.

Tensing, Rey tried to roll out from under Ben, suddenly needing some space. This has gotten too intense, too quickly. Whatever this was. Rey frowned, reaching for her phone and seeing it was just past 5:30am. She had three hours before she had to pick Rian up for soccer practice. That was plenty of time to fix whatever mess her and Ben had just caused.

*Grabbing her robe from the back of the door, she excused herself to go to the bathroom.

Switching on the light was a mistake. She winced as the harsh light hit her eyes, and it took a moment for them to adjust before she could look at herself in the mirror.

“Fuck.” She looked well and truly fucked. Her hair was a tangled mess, matted with sweat, sticking up in directions she didn’t think were possible. The small amount of makeup she had put on yesterday was almost now completely gone, apart from the smudge of mascara under her eyes. Not that she needed much makeup anyway, her lips were puffy and red enough already from the attention Ben had relentlessly paid them.

Pulling the collar of her robe aside, she thanked God that there weren’t any marks from his affections left on her neck.

Exhaling, she sat down on the toilet seat and tried not to panic. She desperately wanted to call Finn, but she’d left her phone in the bedroom. Instead, she focused on peeing, then washing her hands and face, then tying up her hair so she looked almost passible.

“Come on, Rey.” She told herself, looking at her reflection. “It was just sex.” The words didn’t sit right. While last night might have just been sex, fuelled with their heightened emotions and all the tension that had been building between them, this morning… this morning was different. And that scared her.

“You’re a big girl. You can do this.” Pushing herself away from the counter, she unlocked the door and made the short walk back to her room, ready to face the awkwardness, ready to grin and bear it as they made excuses and decided to pretend this never happened.

“I got you some water.” Rey blinked, not expecting to find Ben still naked and in her bed, holding a glass out to her.

“Thanks.” She muttered, taking it and sitting crossed legged on the edge of the bed, wrapping the robe tightly around her as she took a careful sip. “I suppose we need to talk, don’t we?” She said after a moment, never one to avoid a tough topic for long, knowing that only made things worse.

Ben nodded, his hand running through his hair, letting her see the way his muscles flexed as he did so. “Yeah, we do.” He said, his voice almost a laugh as he blew out a long stream of air and began talking again when Rey spoke over him.

“I think-”

“I know we-” Ben stopped, motioning for her to go first.

Swallowing, she took a deep breath before starting again.

“This was a mistake.” Rey said, knowing what he was about to say and wanting to be the one to bite the bullet first. There was no way she was going to let him make a fool out of her, not again in her own home. She watched as his jaw clenched, obviously annoyed that she had spoken the truth first.

“Was… did you not… Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” She said simply. “It’s just really silly of us to pretend this could work, isn’t it?”

“Oh.” Ben look away, glancing at the door, and Rey knew how he felt.

“The sex was… the sex was incredible, don’t get me wrong. But, your Rian’s father, think about how messed up things would get if this turned sour?” She reasoned and was almost disappointed to see Ben nodding along, agreeing with her.

“Right. I understand.”

“I’m sorry things got out of control last night.” Rey began. “It was just a heat of the moment thing. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Ben narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. “You don’t do promises.”

“Yeah, well, I think that might have to change.” She admitted. Trust between them was already so fragile, they had proved that last night when he went behind her back with his lawyer, and she accused him so horribly before asking questions. “I promise, Ben. I won’t let this happen again. I don’t want to risk the friendship we have, I couldn’t do that to Rian.”

“Friendship.” The word was spoken quietly, Rey almost missed it as she took a long sip of her water. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Rian loves you.” Rey said, as if that answered his question. If she was honest, she didn’t know what she wanted. It wasn’t in her nature to want something and expect to get it. That hope was extinguished when she was a child, wanting birthday presents, wanting a new rucksack like the other kids at school, wanting a loving parents comfort when she came home crying after a girl in her class called her a ‘dirty scavenger’... So no, Rey told herself, letting herself get what she wanted wasn’t realistic.

His eyes scanned her face, his expression unreadable, before he gave a small nod of his head, coming to a conclusion she wasn’t privy to.

“And you’re okay with pretending?” He stepped closer, his eyes darkening as they examined her face, searching her eyes before landing on her lips. Rey felt her skin burn, knowing what it felt like to kiss him deeply now, to experience his undivided attention. The room felt very small all of a sudden, the air hot and heavy, making it harder to breathe.

“Yep.” She popped her ‘p’, turning to look at her bedside table where her phone sat. Nearly 6. She wondered if that was an acceptable time to fake plans. “I should really get dressed. I’m- I’m meeting Foe and Pinn for breakfast.” She lied, opening a drawer and slipping on some fresh underwear. “I mean, Finn and Poe. You can stay.” She insisted, starting to speak faster as she panicked. “There are spare towels in the cupboard if you want to, you know, shower. I’m sorry I don’t have a bath.”

“Rey-”

She kept talking as she pulled on the first pair of shorts she could find and grabbing the white top from yesterday from the floor. “And there’s food in the fridge, so feel free to help yourself.” She was very aware of him following her through the apartment as she tried to leave. “And fresh orange juice, so make sure you have some.”

“Rey-”

“Rian already has his football stuff-”

“Rey-”

“Sorry, _soccer_.” She corrected herself. “He has his _soccer_ kit and one of the other Mom’s is going to give him a lift to practise, but I’ll see you there in a few hours?” She didn’t wait for him to answer as she avoided looking at him and flung her purse over her shoulder and picked up her shoes. “Just make sure the latch is on when you leave. Thanks!” Opening the front door, she shut it quickly, running to the stairs barefoot as fast as she could, pretending she didn’t hear the door opening behind her and Ben calling out her name one last time.

Reaching her car, she finally let out a breath she had been holding, her body relaxing and slumping in the drivers seat. She was a coward, she told herself, this was the behaviour of someone who was scared and weak. Brushing her hair out of her face as she opened up Whatsapp and sent her friends an urgent message to meet her for breakfast at Maz’s, but when her phone pinged with texts from Ben, she tossed it away into the passenger’s seat.

Yep, she was undeniably a coward.

A coward who had just had sex with Rian’s father. Twice.

Groaning, she pulled out of the car park, arriving at Maz’s in record time as no one else was as crazy as her to be on the roads at 6am on a Sunday morning.

\-----

Her leg bounced on the floor as Maz bought Rey a second pot of tea.

“Thank you.” She said, smiling weakly.

“No problem, child.” The older woman’s eyes crinkled up with kindness as she looked around the empty café before sitting down at the table with her. “You want to tell me what had you so upset you got to my café half an hour before I did this morning?”

Looking down at her empty cup, she sighed. Not since she was a teenager had she shown up on Maz’s doorstep before the sun had fully risen. It was a last resort, a place she could go when she had nowhere else.

“I did something bad.” She admitted.

“I don’t believe that.” The instant and obvious doubt in Maz’s tone made Rey wish she could live up to the older woman’s faith in her. “You are a good girl, there is not a bad bone in that whole body.”

“I wish that was true.”

“I see it in your eyes, Rey. I’m sure whatever happened isn’t as bad as you think.”

Rey’s laugh was self-deprecating. “I don’t know. I think I went too far this time.”

“You get in a fight with someone?” Maz was aware that Rey could be quick to anger when she felt threatened, or when someone she loved was being treated unfairly. Rey had lost count of the amount of rude customers Maz has had that she had challenged in the past and forced to apologise, just because they had to wait two minutes longer for their sandwich than they would have liked during the busy lunch period, didn’t mean they had the right to yell at the petite owner.

“No. It’s nothing like that.”

“Then spill, child. I don’t have all day.” Rey couldn’t help but smile, especially when the café was empty apart from the two of them.

“I… took a step I can’t take back with Rian’s birth father, and now I don’t know what to do.” Finally, she let the gravity of the situation sink in, her head falling into her hands as she sighed, before turning and looking at the old woman. “I’m just a little lost right now.”

“I’m not looking at the eyes of someone lost. No, I’m looking at the eyes of someone who is scared of what they have found.”

Rey should have known better than to try and find denial with Maz. That woman always saw the truth and didn’t hold back.

“What if doesn’t work out though? Everything was going good, I… I don’t want ruin it.” Rey confessed, her mind going over every possible outcome, each one somehow worse than the one before. They all ended the same though, her, alone, her son gone, her heart broken over Ben Solo… “I don’t want to lose them.”

There was a glint in her eye as she spoke. “My dear, you already know the truth. I’m an old woman, I have lived a long and happy life, so I think you can trust that I know a thing or two about this. The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead.”

“Belonging?” Her forehead creased up, not fully understanding.

“It can be scary, opening yourself up to a new person, but you’re done scarier things before and accomplished them.” Maz gave her a wide smile, her eyes crinkling around the edges with wisdom. “Many years ago, you opened your life up and gave a little boy the chance to have a family. Maybe you can do it again.”

The sound of the store door opening marked the arrival of Rey’s friends, and Maz reached over the table to pat Rey’s hand before standing, making room for them to join her.

“Rey, you had us worried.” Finn rushed over first, bending down to wrap his arms around her before she had the chance to get out of her chair. She managed to throw a smile and wave over to Poe and Rose over his shoulder. “Are you alright? What happened?”

“I’m fine.” She insisted, batting away Finn’s hands as he tried to examine her face. “I- I slept with Ben.” Rey finally said after they all settled into their seats, deciding that just coming out and saying it would be a lot less awkward than any small talk.

Rey wasn’t sure where to look as they all stared at her, shocked at what she had just said, so she decided to top up her cup with more tea and milk.

“I’m sorry, did anybody else just have a stroke and hear that you slept with Ben Solo?” Poe asked, his face canting forward as he narrowed his eyes.

“No. That’s what she said.” Finn’s words were coming out through gritted teeth.

“No, there must be some mistake, because Rey would know that would be incredibly _stupid_ and _irresponsible_ so would never do that.” Poe’s stressed words make her cringe.

“Guys, let Rey talk.” Rose said, cutting them off by holding up her hands.

“No, he’s right Rose. It was a mistake.” Rey admitted with a sigh. “I don’t know what I was thinking. It just… happened.”

“Fucking the father of your son doesn’t just happen.” Poe countered. “I thought this man was the enemy, Rey? He could cut you out of Rian’s like that.” He snapped his fingers to prove his point and Rey felt her shoulders slump. This was cruel, but it was what she needed to hear.

“They’ve been working really well together recently.” Rose commented, looking at Finn to back her up, but he sat rigid in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest as his nostrils flared. “I don’t think we can think of him as a villain anymore. Ben isn’t going to take Rian away.”

“How do you know that?” Poe questioned.

“Did he pressure you?” Her eyes widened at Finn’s out of the blue comment.

“Wha- No.” Shaking her head firmly. “No, of course not.”

“Are you sure? Like it or not, Ben Solo has complete control over your life. He may not have come out and said it directly, but if you felt at any point that if you denied him what he asked that he would take Rian away…” Finn’s eyes flashed with rage. “Rey, if you felt coerced-”

“No! Ben isn’t like that. It- It wasn’t like that.”

“Okay, then you’re going to need to tell us more, because from where we’re sitting, this is a little hard to compute.” Poe said, running a hand through his hair, trying to keep his tone calm and even.

The sigh that escaped her seemed to take all her confidence out of her body with it. Or perhaps it was the way Finn was looking at her, the disgust and disappointment written all over his features. It upset her more than she thought it would.

“It’s been building for a while.” She admitted. “We… we kissed a couple weeks ago, but decided we couldn’t let anything happen. Then yesterday we went shopping, we had dinner… it just sort of happened.”

“You kissed a couple weeks ago?” Rose’s eyebrows shot up at the new old information.

“So, you’re a couple now?” Finn’s displeasure drowned out Rose’s voice.

“No. We- I left.”

“You left?”

“I panicked. I left before we could talk.”

“Good.” Finn said firmly. “Now you can clear your head, go back to him and tell him if he ever touches you again, you’ll call the cops.”

“Finn!”

“I don’t care what you say, Rey. This man has power over you, it doesn’t matter if you think he did or didn’t, but he took advantage of you!”

“It’s not like that-”

“Bullshit!” Finn’s volume, accompanied by his fist slamming into the table, made them all jump. “It’s time you face reality here, Rey. You and him? It’s a bad idea. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been playing mommy and daddy the last two months, and it’s got you both confused. But he is not your partner, he doesn’t care about you. All he wants is Rian. And when he remembers that, and realises he doesn’t need you, he’ll cut you out.”

“But Rian needs me.” Rey hissed.

“Not legally.” Poe reminded them all, a grim look on his face.

“I fucked up! Okay?” Rey glared at Finn, ignoring the way Rose and Poe’s faces softened as they tried to comfort her. “Finn’s right. This is a giant mess and I need your help.” She thought back to the night before, the way Ben had stared down at her as their bodies moved together, how rapt he seemed as he leaned down to take her mouth with his in a searing kiss, it was addictive and she needed their help to make sure she wasn’t tempted again.

“We all make mistakes.” Rose comforted. “You and Ben are in a strange relationship, it’s totally understandable that you’re feeling confused.”

“I think the most important thing is that Rian not get affected by this.” Poe said, his lawyer voice on. Rey nodded. “So, the next time you see Ben, you need to establish exactly what your relationship is moving forward.”

“Can’t I just pretend it never happened?” She half whined, dropping her head into her hands again. She was never good with awkward conversations, always managing to say to the wrong thing, or react the wrong way, which led to frustration and anger. It had been pointed out to her on multiple occasions that she wasn’t the… most reasonable person sometimes, and this circumstance called for a level head. And while she would rather act as if nothing had happened and go about her day with her head in the sand, she knew Ben wouldn’t be afraid like her to confront her about it. So, she was going to have to get her story straight, know exactly what she wanted to say before seeing Ben, so she didn’t accidently offend him and exacerbate the situation.

So, they spend the next hour going over each point she needed to make, and how she had to say it, before she left to meet Ben and Rian at soccer practise.

She felt confident, or at least, as confident as she could when she was about to see the only man who had seen her naked in the last twelve years. Spotting his car in the parking lot, she steeled herself and headed over, her words already lined up.

“Ben-” She said, her voice firm as she approached him, only to notice Zorii standing next to him, her hand on his arm as she threw her head back, curls bouncing perfectly mid laugh. Narrowing her eyes, she watched as Ben hurriedly stepped away from the other soccer mom and straightened up.

“Rey-”

“Oh, Rey! I’m so glad you are here. I was just telling Ben here about my bakery next to the Marine’s recruitment center. Turns out he’s been near there a few times recently and never stopped by!” Zorii’s smile was beautiful, showing off her perfect teeth, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Maybe because of the Botox, Rey thought bitterly, before scolding herself for being too mean, even inside her own head.

“I promise I’ll go next time I’m there.” Ben assured her, looking uncomfortably between the two women.

“I must give you a card, so you can text me and I’ll make sure I’m there that day.” Fishing around her handbag, she produced a business card, a colourful picture of baked goods dotted over the back of it, her logo and contact details on the front. “I’ll even prepare a box of goodies for your colleagues.” Zorii insisted.

“That’s very kind of you, but you don’t have to-”

“Nonsense! It’s the least I can do for the brave men and women who fight for our country.” Rey watched in mild disgusted at the older women winked, letting her hand linger on his wrist after Ben had taken her card.

“How’s your husband?” Rey asked out of the blue, her voice a little louder than she expected it to be. A little ruder. “Still out of town on business?”

“Until Thanksgiving.” Zorii confirmed, a wicked glint reached Zorii’s eye, and Rey realised she had just set her up. “It can get so lonely around the holidays.”

“I bet.” Rey didn’t mean to sound bitter, her arms instinctively crossing over her chest. “Ben, a word?”

He nodded, quickly excusing himself and following her across the car park.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to walk up to him, say her three practised lines, and then they were supposed to watch Rian play in silence. Trust Zorii to ruin her plans before they had even begun, now she was annoyed, her heart racing, her face flushed in anger. This wasn’t how it was meant to go.

She took a second to calm herself, to take a controlled breath, but in that time Ben took the opportunity to start speaking.

“I was worried about you. You ran off so quickly this morning, we didn’t get time to talk.” Somehow his body was angled in a way that Rey felt cornered, despite standing in an open field. “I called you. Text you. You didn’t reply.”

“I- I was busy.”

“Busy enough to avoid the man you just slept with?” Ben said pointedly.

“Shush!” Rey’s eye widened and she looked around madly to make sure nobody was close enough to hear him. “Fine. I was avoiding you, but can you keep your voice down?” He nodded, relaxing his posture as he gestured for her to continue. Taking a deep breath, she tried to remember what she had been rehearsing in the car. “This situation is new and confusing for all of us, and I think it’s best that our relationship needs to stay strictly as Rian’s parents-”

“Did you not enjoy yourself?” Ben interrupted her mid-flow.

“What?”

“Last night, did you not enjoy it?”

“I don’t see how that’s-”

“Because it seemed like you enjoyed it.” The corner of his mouth twitched up as he spoke, his hand coming up to his mouth in an attempt to hide it.

“Regardless of that, we need to-”

“Ah, so you did enjoy it.” All humility was gone as he bent over to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, his eyes shining with glee, but she slapped his hand away before he could reach her.

“Can you be serious for a moment?”

“I am.” He breathed, his smirk loosening into a smile. “Last night was incredible. I didn’t think you could ever, that you might _even_ -”

“Last night was a mistake.” Rey said firmly. “I won’t apologise, it’s not like we can take it back, but it can’t happen again.”

Ben was silent for a moment as he thought over her words and Rey wished she could hear what he was thinking as his jaw clenched a few times. “Do you regret it?” He asked, his voice dangerously low.

“Yes. Of course. It was stupid of us.” Rey shot back quickly, looking down at her feet as she wished he didn’t know what she looked like naked. She felt vulnerable enough right now, she didn’t need his knowing eyes to staring at her to make her feel any weaker.

“Stupid.” The silence was lessened by the noise of children running around the pitch, warming up before the game started, but it didn’t stop it from feeling any less uncomfortable to her as she watched his face shift and harden. “Right.” Clearing his throat, Ben turned to the boys running around the field, giving Rey a moment to breath out now he wasn’t looking at her. “I guess it would be foolish to think anything could come from this.” Ben said very matter-of-factly and Rey found herself nodding.

“Exactly.” Rey agreed. “Totally foolish. We’ll just pretend it didn’t happen.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw his jaw clench as he gave a sharp nod, and she tried not to feel upset at his easy acceptance, after all, acting as if it never happened was what she wanted. Rey tried to distract herself, watching Rian run around, occasionally kicking the ball when it was passed to him or tackling a kid on the opposite team, but it didn’t help her mind from wondering why it hurt so much that Ben didn’t try to argue with her? That he didn’t try and fight for her? For something that they both knew was impossible anyway? She forced herself away from those thoughts, after all, she knew that kind of happily ever after thing wasn’t meant for her, and yet that didn’t help make it hurt any less.

They stood in silence for the rest of the match, and Rey was grateful she had bought a pair of sunglasses so they hid the tears that gathered in her eyes as she started to pretend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Please don't forget to comment and kudos! And feel free to follow me: [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning: There is now E rated content in this story, BUT** you can still read it if you want to skip those sections. Towards the end there is an * after the sentence ending **her dress.*** this is where E content starts so end the chapter there. 
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

Monday had been brutal at work. An order Rey was waiting for was delayed, which meant two cars she had booked in on Tuesday had to be moved to the next day, which meant two angry customers and a jam-packed Wednesday. Luckily, Finn and Rose were being incredible, taking short lunches and staying late with her to get the work done and by Thursday morning, they were back on track and looking forward to the weekend. Which reminded her…

Nipping up to her office, Rey swiped open her phone. She was scrolling through Amazon to check that Finn’s birthday present was still arriving that day, when she heard the tell-tale noise of a ratchet or spanner being tossed angrily onto a tool station. Poking her head out, she expected to find Finn frustrated with a particularly difficult bolt, only to see him standing up to Ben Solo, his shorter stature making him no less intimidating as he glared at the older man.

She couldn’t make out what they were saying to each other, but it didn’t seem friendly, and the fear of Finn defending her honour and saying something he shouldn’t made her rush over.

Finn turned his back as soon as she approached, grabbing his discarded tool and going back to work while still maintaining his glare at Ben. Her perplexed expression remained as she ushered Ben up to her office, and he remained quiet about what had just occurred.

“What was that about? What did Finn say to you?” She asked as she shut the door behind them.

“It was nothing.” Ben said dismissively, reaching over to offer her the takeaway cup he always bought with him.

“It didn’t look like nothing.”

Ben sighed, pushing his now free hand through his hair in a move she knew was to buy him more time to think, but couldn’t help the way her eyes lingered on his arm flex, or the way his shirt rose slightly at the hips, revealing a flash of creamy skin as he did so. “It’s fine. How are you, Rian said you’ve been busy.”

Rey took a sip of her coffee, nodding slightly as she made a mental note to speak to Finn later. “It’s been a little crazy, but we’re on top of it now. How are you doing? Are you at the recruitment centre again today?”

“Yes, er, well no. I’m meeting Hux, but just for lunch. He’s outside.”

“Oh. He could’ve come in.” Rey looked at her door as if she would have been able to see Hux through it.

“He did. He’s… he’s speaking to Rose.”

“Oh?” Rey was surprised to hear that, given that Rose and Armitage had never met each other before to her knowledge, but she could imagine her friend’s smile as the charming ginger man flirted, utilizing his accent until Rose was putty in his hands.

An awkward silence hung in the air and Rey stared at the coffee cup in her hands.

“Rey, I think we-”

“I actually wanted-”

Rey let out a laugh as her and Ben started to speak over each other, only continuing when he motioned for her to.

“I’m glad you stopped by, I wanted to ask you a favour.”

“Oh?” Ben’s surprise seemed a little forced, but Rey dismissed it as she went on.

“I’m going out tomorrow night, so it will just be you and Rian for Friday fun night, if that’s okay?” Finn was holding a little get-together at a local bar for his birthday, and while Rey wasn’t the kind of person who went out to clubs where the music was too loud and cheap alcohol was overpriced in cocktails that were too sweet, Finn had assured her it would only be a few people at a quiet bar and insisted she come, claiming it was the only night all year he could guilt trip her into actually going. And every year it worked. And every year Rey made an excuse to leave early, usually after someone had spilt their drink on her by accident or drunkenly stood on her foot while they were dancing.

But this year Finn promised it would be different, that the sleezy guy from Poe’s office wouldn’t be there or that the girl from Finn’s gym who shot six tequilas in less than an hour and Rey found crying outside while she tried to light a cigarette backwards had really matured in the last year. So reluctantly Rey agreed and was about to call her usual babysitter when she remembered Ben. He would never turn down the opportunity to see Rian, and the party was a Friday which was already his night, so she thanked her blessings at not having to find a last minute teenager in need of $40, and decided to ask Ben instead.

“At yours?” Ben asked, his jaw clenched and if Rey wasn’t standing so close, she might have missed the way his eye twitched. Was he unhappy to be spending time alone with his son? Or did he think she was trying to avoid him again?

“Yep.” She said cautiously, her eyes narrowing slightly at his hesitancy. “I’ll be back before ten, so if you wouldn’t mind just hanging out an hour after Rian’s gone to bed, you’d really be helping me out.”

“Before ten?” Ben repeated.

“I can try and get back sooner, but…” The party didn’t start until eight, which she knew meant most people wouldn’t arrive until nearly nine, and she doubted she could slip away unnoticed before then. “If it’s a problem then I can get a babysitter or-”

“No. It’s- it’s fine.” The word left his mouth as if they had a bad taste and Rey was about to question his sour attitude but he didn’t give her the chance. “I should go.”

“You only just got here.” They usually drank their coffee together, and yet she had only taken a sip from hers and his remained untouched in the cardboard carrier.

“I shouldn’t leave Hux any longer.” Clearing his throat, Ben moved towards the door.

“He’ll be fine.” Rey moved until it became unavoidable for Ben to get past her. “What’s going on, Ben? What did Finn tell you? Why are you acting like this?”

Suddenly Ben crowded her, his eyes flashing, forcing Rey to take a step back, her shoulders bumping into the door frame behind her. He was so close she could smell his deodorant and feel the heat radiate off him, and it took every ounce of control she had to resist the urge to look down at his mouth instead of focusing on his very angry eyes.

“Like what, Rey?” Peering down at her, she held her breath as his voice got dangerous. “I’m trying to act like nothing happened between us, so stop making this harder than it needs to be.” He reached across her and yanked at the door handle, effectively pushing her out of his way as he stalked out of the office and back towards the garage.

Stunned, Rey blinked, not able to comprehend what had just happened. Had he… Had Ben really just scolded her? For being concerned about him?

He was acting like she had just murdered his puppy, not asked him about his feelings when he was so obviously upset about something. Her instinct was to chase him down and give as good as she got, a few colourful words coming straight to mind, but she knew getting annoyed and calling him out wouldn’t solve anything. Besides, she had been working really hard to not be so quick to anger recently and didn’t want to let all that hard work go out of the window because of him.

So, she sat down at her desk, looking aimlessly at the objects that sat on it, her disbelief slowly fading as she tried to reason with his behaviour. Lifting the paper cup in her hand, the warmth softly seeping through her fingers, she turned it around to see the messy scrawl of the barista. Their hastily written script made the B look more like an R. She frowned, wondering why the person working in the coffee shop would have thought anybody would be called Ren. Then again, working so close to LA, she had had a few oddly named people come into her garage before, so she shouldn’t judge. Although the thought of Ben begrudgingly picking up the drinks after the wrong name was called out was a little amusing to think about.

Maybe something else had gotten him stressed and he just took it out on her, she mused, her mind trying to find reason in what had just happened. Maybe she was a little nosey, trying to pry for something he wasn’t willing to share with her. Although it didn’t explain why he accused her of making the situation harder for him, she was just being friendly. Did he think she was being too friendly? After all, now she knew what was under those clothes, how passionate and attentive he was in her bedroom, it was a little harder to act casual around him. Her cheeks grew hot at the memories, but she was trying to stay normal around him; even when her thirsty thoughts took over, she was certain she had hidden them.

Racking her brain, she couldn’t come to a decent explanation for his outburst, so she decided to unlock her computer and try to find some work to distract her from going crazy over Ben Solo.

\-----

Hours later, Rey was still plagued with questions about Ben. She had circled through so many thoughts and feelings, and none of them narrowed down the reasons behind his odd behaviour, and she was starting to wonder if maybe she had just imagined the whole thing, when Rose knocked on the door frame.

“Rey?”

“Yep?” She called out across the small room, looking up from her computer screen and rubbing her eyes.

“I’m off.” Rose beamed. The shorter woman had changed out of the normal clothes she wore under her coveralls into a new, clean blouse, and Rey quickly tried to remember if Rose had mentioned her parents coming over but couldn’t, when she noticed the black eye liner and red lip stick.

“Are you going somewhere?” An eyebrow quirked up, and she couldn’t help the corner of her mouth curling up in excitement of exactly why Rose had made an extra effort with her appearance.

“I- I have a date.” Rose’s cheeks flooded with colour as she looked down at her feet shyly, trying to hide the smile that spread across her face.

“Oh my god! Rose, that’s amazing! Who is it? Do I know them? Where are you going?” She couldn’t help her enthusiasm as she rattled off question after question.

“We’re just to Maz’s for a coffee.” Rose admitted, stepping closer and sitting on the arm of the sofa Rey kept in her office. “And that’s kind of why I wanted to talk to you before I left.”

“Oh?”

“It’s with Armie. Ben’s friend.”

“Oh.” Rey could feel her face fall and instantly felt bad as she watched Rose’s expression mirror hers. “I mean, oh! That’s great. He’s- He’s a great guy.” Her smile may have been a little forced, but she wasn’t lying as she tried to fix the damage her reaction might have caused. “He’s nice, right?”

Rose beamed. “Yeah. He was really sweet and funny and, oh my god he is so good looking. But I wanted to check that it wouldn’t be weird, for you, with him being so close with Ben?”

“No. No, it’s not weird at all.” Rey assured her.

“Really?”

“Really. I actually don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to set you two up. I’ve only met him once, but he’s in Pasadena a lot for work, I think.” Rose nodded. “I hope it goes well, when are you meeting him?”

Checking the time on her phone, Rose cringed. “In half an hour. I didn’t have time to go home, but I had this top in my car, do you think it’s alright?” Her hands smoothed over the fabric, her nerves obvious. Rey could only smile to herself. It was nice to see Rose nervous about a date, Rey couldn’t remember the last time her friend had gone out with a man, and while she could never admit it, Rey knew Rose was lonely, and she was too good of a person to end up alone. Like her.

“You look beautiful.” Rey said, her voice sincere. “Go. You don’t want to be late.”

“Okay.” Rose stood up, shaking her head like she was trying to banish the doubt out of her mind. “Okay.” She repeated, this time to herself.

“Rose. You are an amazing person. You know it, I know it, and it only took five minutes today for Armitage to see that and ask you out. You have nothing to worry about.”

“You’re right.” Rose nodded. “Text you later?”

“You better.” Rey teased. “Now go!” She waved her arms, urging her to leave and Rose laughed as she rushed out of the office.

Rey sat back and let out a long breath, she was happy for Rose, she really was, but it didn’t stop her own insecurities from suddenly creeping up into the forefront of her mind, only to be inturpted by the harsh sound of her phone ringing.

Looking at the screen, she frowned at the caller ID.

“Hello Amilyn.”

“Hello Rey. Are you well?” The older woman’s kind and calm voice came down the line.

“I’m good. How are you?” Rey responded, almost automatically.

“I’m very well, thank you. I’m calling with some potentially good news. Are you free to talk?”

Her heartbeat picked up as she sat straighter in her chair, clutching the phone in her hand a little tighter than before. “Yes. Yes, I’m free. What is it?”

“I don’t want to get your hopes up, but I’ve come across a case in Florida that I think has some legal precedents we can use. In 2013, a man returned from duty abroad and found his four-year-old and six-year-old children had been taken into care after the mother had abandoned them.” Rey frowned, this didn’t sound anything like her case. Holding her phone to her ear with her shoulder, she started to type into Google the vague facts in hopes of finding more details. “The father was unknown to nearly everyone, except the mother, so when adoption became an option, the foster parents were going through that process when the father returned.” Rey nodded along as Amilyn spoke, her eyes scanning over the search results, none of which seemed to match. “The previous foster parents were able to prove the father unfit, he had anger issues, PTSD, and there was evidence that the children weren’t safe in his care. The foster parents won custody and were able to adopt.”

“And you think this case can help me keep full custody of Rian?” Rey asked, her nose wrinkling as she tried to understand.

“Ben was a prisoner of war for a long time, Rey. It’s fair to assume that traumatic experience had a lasting effect on him. If we can prove that Rian isn’t safe in his care, using this case as an example of what _could_ happen, we have a chance of negotiating outside of court.” Despite how happy Amilyn sounded, Rey couldn’t share her excitement.

“But Ben would never hurt Rian.” She responded quickly, the idea of using his trauma against him not sitting right with her.

“But he could. Even unintentionally. If we could prove any violent or-”

“No. I- I can’t do that.” Her voice waivered as she spoke, and she wished she had the nerves of steel Amilyn did.

“Rey.” The lawyers tone changed, becoming cooler, almost icy. “It’s been nearly three months, and so far this is the only proven route I’ve found that could ensure you keep custody of your son. This is your only option, so if you have any examples of Ben acting dangerously, or PTSD being triggered, I need you to tell me.” Rey’s eyes squeezed shut, covering her mouth with her hand as she absorbed the reality of what Amilyn had told her. “Rey, do you understand?”

“I understand.” Rey sighed. “A customer just walked in, I need to go.” She lied.

“This could be our only shot, Rey. I need you to promise me you’ll tell me as soon as anything like this happens.”

“I will.” She said quickly, pressing the red hang up button harder than necessary.

Rey felt awful. Covering her face with her hands, she tried not to feel dirty at Amilyn’s tactics, even if the memory of Ben’s tossing and turning in her bed, the way he wildly lashed out and almost hit her with her bedside lamp only a few days earlier, repeated over and over again in her mind.

Ben was a decent man, and it would be cruel of her to deny him the only chance he had to get to know his child. The only child he could ever have due to the incident.

Spotting the long empty coffee cup from earlier, guilt flared up. Picking it up, her thumb traced over his misspelt name affectionately. Maybe that was something she would have considered months ago, when he first entered their lives, but now… now she had gotten to know him, and she wasn’t sure she had the strength to burn the already fragile bridges they had built by bringing up his trauma and using it against him.

But she had the evidence, a small part of her brain prompted. Ben had admitted to the PTSD, the nightmares, the anger control issues in his past, and the fact that he was currently seeing therapist to help he deal with all those things... She knew he wouldn’t deny it, especially if it came from a place of concern for Rian. It was now just a question of _if_ she was going to tell Amilyn about it or not.

\-----

It was just before ten when Rey unlocked the front door.

The party had been as messy as the previous years, with Finn obviously trying to set her up with Poe’s colleague, forcing them to sit next to each other in the corner of the booth he’d reserved, trapped and only able to speak to each other.

Theo who seemed like a perfectly nice guy, with good hair, but it became clear after an hour that he was more interested a different woman that was at the bar with them, a gorgeous brunette with the most perfect smile Rey had ever seen. And with the way she, Peet, was trying to casually glance over at them every few seconds, Rey could guess the feeling was mutual.

Excusing herself to the bathroom, she wasn’t surprised to see her seat taken when she returned, Peet’s smile on full display as she chatted with Theo. She had to admit, the two of them looked cute together.

This led to Rey getting bumped into by Allie, who despite Finn saying had changed, was balancing three cocktails in her hands, resulting in Rey getting covered in the tequila and lime juice and deciding to call it a night and leave early. Finn was too busy enjoying himself dancing to the latest Gaga song to notice if she slipped away anyway.

Looking down at her dress in the light of her apartment, she could now see how bad the damage was. She was going to have to hand wash it to get the sticky mixture out of the fabric.

“You’re home early.” Lifting her head, she quickly spotted Ben in the armchair, his back to her, the tv on but quiet, playing one of those detective shows that always seemed to be on. Was this the one with the writer or the one with the psychic? She couldn’t remember.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to have too much fun.” She said dryly, gesturing down at her ruined dress.

“Right.” The tv screened blinked off and she watched as he stood up quickly, gathering his phone and keys from the coffee table and shoving them back in his pockets.

“Was Rian okay?” She asked, noting the empty pizza boxes on the countertop.

“He was fine. He went to bed about half an hour ago.” He stopped just in front of her by the door, his hand sweeping through his hair, and Rey noticed how tired he looked. There were bags under his eyes, his body was slumped in a way she had never seen from him. His whole demeanor seemed exhausted. Was he going to be okay driving the 30-40 minutes back to Bel Air?

“Ben-”

“Have you been drinking?” He asked suddenly, his eyes narrowing in suspicion at her stained dress, his nostrils flaring as he smelt the cheap tequila.

“Oh, no, this was just an accident.” Rey said quickly before fully absorbing his question. “Wait, do you think I would drink and drive? Do you think I would be that irresponsible?”

“There’s a lot of stuff I thought I knew about you and I turned out to be wrong.” Ben casually said, as if his words weren’t cutting. Moving so he could walk past her, Rey pressed her hand into his chest and stop him.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe that I thought that you didn’t date? Or that you wouldn’t be so cruel to shove it in my face?” Ben sneered, turning to the door.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Grabbing him by the arm, she forced him to turn around and face her, something she instantly regretted as she saw the seething anger written over his face, his lips twisted into a frown, his eye twitching as he glared down at her.

“Don’t pretend with me, Rey. I know that’s what you’re good at, but-”

“Ben, I have no clue what you are talking about. All I know is that the last few days you have been acting like a total closed off prick-” She started, her voice getting louder as she hissed at him.

“I’ve been a prick? Fine. Maybe I’ve been closed off but only because you keep shoving your obvious lack of consideration down my throat-” His volume increased to match hers.

“Lack of consideration?” Her nose wrinkled up, confused and offended at his attack.

“Yes! We slept together, Rey. I don’t know about you, but I thought that meant something.”

“It did-”

“Then you run away, and want to pretend it never happened, you don’t give me the chance to discuss it with you. Which is fine, I know you regretted it, I know I’m no prize, but I thought maybe, just maybe, you’d understand that after twelve years I might need some time to sort myself out before you…” Her eyes widened in surprise at his words, and he paused, taking a deep breath through his nostrils, trying to calm himself. “Look. I’m trying to pretend and not get angry about it, you’re a grown woman, I don’t own you. I’m trying to forget, but- but you can’t… can you not flaunt how easy it is for you?”

“Easy? None of this is easy.” Rey argued.

“I know. I know. I’m a horrible fucking person, coming in and ruining your life, but can you give me one thing? Don’t ask me to babysit while you go on dates with other guys, okay? Please just… just give me that.” The desperation in his tone made Rey blink, stunned.

“Ben. I… I-” The pieces suddenly clicked into place. Ben had misunderstood the while situation. Rey let out an abrupt bark of laughter that made Ben glare at her in disbelief. Running her hand over her mouth, she tried to explain her reaction. “It’s Finn’s birthday.” She said a little too excitedly, but he continued to stare at her like she had been speaking another language, clearly not seeing what was so funny.

“Excuse me?”

“I wasn’t on a date tonight. I was at a bar, for Finn’s birthday.”

She watched as several different emotions flickered across Ben’s face, confusion, comprehension, relief, before they were replaced behind a cool mask as he straightened up.

“Oh.”

“You were jealous.” Rey announced, unable to help herself.

“I wasn’t-”

“Yes, you were. That’s why you were acting all weird when I asked about babysitting tonight, you thought I was going on a date and you were jealous.” Ben threw her a look as if to say she was being ridiculous, but she just ignored it, knowing the truth. It was almost funny, this misunderstanding.

“You’re one to talk.” Ben huffed, his arms coming up to cross over his chest defensively.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You looked like you wanted to rip Zorii’s eyes out last week when we were talking.”

Rey scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t never be jealous of Zorii. I just don’t like how much of a flirt she is, it’s not the same.”

“Bullshit. You’re telling me, you wouldn’t mind if I popped over to her bakery next week?” Ben challenged. “If I took her up on that coffee?”

Rey tried to shrug, but it felt stiff. For some reason the image of him drinking coffee with anyone other than her made her veins burn. “Do whatever you want with that skank.” She tried to say flippantly, looking at her feet, the sofa, anywhere but him.

“See, you _are_ jealous.” He gave her a pointed look which she returned.

“Yeah, well so are you!”

She didn’t realise how close they were standing until she saw his pupils dilate as they dropped to her mouth. Licking her lips unconsciously, she tried to keep her breathing even as her eyes followed the same course.

The air changed around them, it seemed to crackle with anticipation as Rey looked back up at him through her eyelashes.

“You have nothing to be jealous of, Ben.” She said, her voice suddenly quiet and husky, all gloating gone as her hand came up to rest on his chest. “There’s no one else. There hasn’t been for a long time. Just you.” Her fingertips grazed over the fabric of his shirt, it was softer than she thought it would be, although she could tell there was hard muscle underneath it. Pressing a little firmer, she could feel his sharp intake of breath.

“Just me?” Ben echoed, and she slowly nodded her reply, fascinated by the heat that burned in his eyes.

“Just you.” She confirmed. Her hand on his chest gripped the material tightly, pulling him towards her, the other threading into his hair, tugging his head down so she could close the gap between them.

His lips were soft as she tentatively brushed hers against them. He seemed to be frozen in place, as if he was afraid that one movement would cause the moment to break and be gone forever, and it wasn’t until her short nails dragged over his scalp that he reacted, kissing her back with the ferocity and hunger she remembered from last time.

“Are we really doing this?” He murmured into the side of her neck as they stumbled through the flat, making their way to her bedroom.

“Yeah.” She breathed. “I think so.” Shivering as his mouth pressed more kisses into her skin, she hooked her leg around his waist and delighted in the feel of his rough jeans through the thin fabric of her dress.*

It was frantic, and a little clumsy, but Rey covered Ben’s mouth as they closed her bedroom door, listening for any movement across the hallway. Ben stared up at her, his dark eyes shining in the dim bedroom light, full of wonder and adoration, Rey was tempted to pull his head back up and devour his mouth there and then, but she had to wait a moment longer.

Satisfied they hadn’t woken Rian up, she locked the door, the metal clicking into place permission for Ben to continue, as a large hand enclosed around her breast, his thumb swiping over the covered nipple, making her squirm. She used the leg wrapped around his hips to push him harder against her.

“Fuck, Rey.” Ben growled as her hands fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, pushing it over his shoulders.

“That’s kind of the idea.” She said, groaning in frustration as she struggled to pull her dress over her head. Ben just smiled at her lame joke, placing her back on her feet as his hands came to halt her ungraceful fumbling.

“Let me.” He said gently, slowly turning her around so her back faced him. Rey took the chance to breathe as he carefully unzipped the dress, the small sound of plastic teeth parting as he pulled the slider down. It was an oddly calm moment, especially given how on edge she felt, her skin alight with want and need, and when her back was exposed, rather than let the thin fabric fall to her feet, Ben’s hands rested on her hips, and she gasped as she felt his lips pressed a delicate kiss into one shoulder blade, then the other, then in the centre of her spine. “There.” He finally whispered, letting her turn around again, and the dress slide down to the floor.

She was overwhelmed by the man in front of her.

“Ben…” He was so good and kind-hearted and vulnerable. It didn’t feel right to sleep with him again knowing that this couldn’t go anywhere.

“You are beautiful.” He interrupted her, his mouth moving over her collar bone, down to the valley between her breasts. “I’m so grateful, Rey, even if it’s just tonight. You have no idea…” He murmured into her skin as he peppered kiss after kiss over her chest. “You wanting to do this again, after… after seeing me, and my scars…”

Oh. Suddenly she realised how much this meant to him. For years he must have been carrying around insecurities about his injury, not letting anybody get close enough to see the permanent reminder of what happened.

Her hands cupped his jaw, bringing his head up to face her. “Ben.” She smiled softly before capturing his mouth for an achingly sweet kiss, pouring all of her emotions into it and hoping he would feel how amazing she thought he was.

Pulling away, his mouth swollen and wet, he looked dazed, and Rey almost couldn’t believe she was the reason behind it. “Are you sure?”

Nodding, she could stop the smile that spread over her face. “Just tonight.” She said, repeating his words from moments ago. It felt bittersweet, but they both knew this couldn’t work. Not when there was so much at risk.

With shaking hands, Ben unzipped his pants and followed Rey as she laid down on the bed. He was trembling now, and Rey felt the same.

With their clothes gone, Rey tensed in anticipation, remembering how much he stretched her last time, and the ache between her legs the next day. But all anxiety vanished when he bent down, kissing her soundly as his hand danced down her body until it found its goal.

The groan that escaped her lips when he swiped his fingers over her wet entrance was almost inhuman. Throwing her head back into the soft sheets, she tried not to be embarrassed by how ready and desperate she was for him, but he didn’t seem to mind. His fingers traced invisible patterns into her flesh, pressing places that made her breathing hitch and her hips buck until she was wound so tight she was sure she would break if he went on for a second longer.

“Fuck!” She groaned, her hand fisting the sheets and pulling at them. “Please, please. I need…”

“I know. I know.” Ben shushed her, pulling away to wrap his hand around his cock. Rey watched, with a mixture of fascination and eagerness, as he propped himself over her body, and lined himself up.

Surging up, she hungrily kissed him as he slowly pressed the head of his cock into her. Inch by inch, he pushed forward, making Rey impatient as he took his time, until he was fully seated deep inside her. Finally, Rey thought with delight, enjoying the comforting weight of him on top of her and the way she could watch his neck strain and his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed. This was what their bodies were meant to do, she thought in a haze of lust. He was made to fuck her. Smiling to herself, she rocked her hips, and the groan it generated made her do it again.

“Fuck.” He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to maintain some semblance of control, but Rey was on the edge, and she didn’t want him to make her wait any longer.

He seemed to understand her impatience, pulling out and pushing back into her swiftly, there was no hesitation this time, just fast and hard thrusts as they found a rhythm, him using the bed as a purchase as he thrust into her.

Rey closed her eyes, enjoying the way he filled her, leaving no space untouched, as their bodies moved together. She wondered if it felt the same for him, if it felt as right and blissful… Then his hips faltered, and she knew he was close.

“Touch me.” Rey urged him, and his eyes shot up to capture hers in a silent question. Nodding, his hand travelled down her body, over her ribs and the curve of her waist. Ben watched its journey as if he had never seen anything as fascinating as her body before. When his reached his destination, she whined as his fingertips swirled over her sensitive clit, breaking his captivating stare to look back at her.

“Beautiful.” He murmured, their lips met again. It was easy for her to feel overwhelmed as his hips and hands moved in sync with each other, bringing her closer and close to the edge of her orgasm.

Her breath was coming in short and sharp gasps, her hands clutching at every part of Ben she could reach as she hips came up again and again to meet his. “Please, Ben, right there. Please…” She begged, knowing he wouldn’t stop and yet unable to keep herself from pleading as if he would leave at any moment.

“Fuck!” He practically roared, his head dropping to her sternum as he looked down at where their bodies were joined. His slams became harder and faster and Rey couldn’t stop the whine that escaped her throat as she came, her stomach and thighs twitching uncontrollably. And it was if her loss of control made his vanish too, suddenly he jerked, wrapping both his arms around her tightly, as he thrust a few more times before holding himself deep inside her, his whole body tense as he came.

Her hands smoothed over his back as the aftershocks rushed through them both, making her body clench or his jerk, their breathing hot and laboured as they came down together.

Closing her eyes, she tried to savour the moment, of how completely sated and surprisingly safe she felt in Ben Solo’s arms, and tried not to think about how stupid this was or how it was the last time they would allow it to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Please don't forget to comment and kudos! And feel free to follow me: [here](https://il.ink/LadyReylo) and check out my other fics on AO3!


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Rey woke up to the smell of bacon and the sound of muffled conversation in the apartment.

Rolling over, it took a moment for what happened the night before to come back to her when she saw the empty side of her bed.

Ben.

Pulling on a pair of sweats and a tee, she went to confirm her suspicions, and found Ben in the kitchen, tea towel draped over one shoulder, as he spoke to Rian who was sat on a kitchen stool, watching his father cook bacon and eggs.

“We cook it in the oven.” Rian was saying as she approached.

“Wait until you’ve tried it this way.”

“I don’t know…” Rey instantly recognised the wariness in her son’s voice. He wasn’t a fussy eater, but he knew what he liked and he liked what he knew. So whatever Ben was doing, it would take some convincing to get their son to change his mind on it.

Taking a deep breath, she fixed on a smile as she stepped out of the hallway, “Morning.” Rian turned on the stool, his knees bumping the bottom of the breakfast bar as he did so, and Ben just looked up from where he was slicing bread from the loaf she had baked two days previous.

“Ben’s making breakfast.” Rian announced.

“Is he now?”

“It’s just bacon and egg sandwiches. I hope that’s okay.” Ben said, looking up at her through the hair that had fallen in his face. He looked nervous, like he was intruding, and Rey supposed he was. They hadn’t exactly discussed a plan for that morning when they both fell asleep last night.

“Sounds amazing.” Rey nodded, walking into the small space to fill up the kettle and putting a teabag into the pot ready. “And smells amazing too. Did you boys have fun last night?” Rey asked, trying to sound casual.

“Yep. We watched Justice League.”

“Is that the one with Spider-Man and the robot guy?”

Rian groaned at her mistake. “Ugh. That’s Avengers, Mom. Justice League is DC, not Marvel.” He explained as if it was obvious.

“Sorry!” Rey held up her hands. She always got confused with the superheroes he liked. There were just too many of them, although she did like the one with Paul Rudd, where he got tiny and befriended ants.

“I told Rian that it was late when you got back, and I was too tired to drive home so slept on the couch.” Ben said, subtly letting Rey know what his story had been.

“Right.” She nodded, her cheeks heating at their secret, and she was grateful that the kettle boiled so she didn’t have time to squirm under his gaze. Filling the teapot with hot water, Rey tried to change the subject. “What homework do you have today?”

“Only math.” Rian said, wrinkling his nose. “Ben helped me with geography last night.” Rian spun on the chair before hopping off, grabbing a handful of knives and forks and laying them on the dining table. Rey watched from her corner of the kitchen at how Ben’s shoulder seemed to sag, his lips pulling into a small grimace, as Rian spoke. Giving her tea a careful sip, she wondered why, until it hit her.

Ben.

Rian was still saying Ben, not comfortable enough to use the title of dad just yet, and while she didn’t want to pressure her son into saying things he wasn’t ready for, it was the first time she realised how Ben might feel about it. And while it was a very subtle reaction, one he probably didn’t even register himself, she had seen it. It hurt him that Rian wasn’t calling him dad yet.

Sympathy flooded her, and she wanted to address it, say that Rian just needed time, that he adored him and was so happy to have a father, but it wasn’t the right moment. Instead, she pressed a reassuring hand into his back and offered him a gentle smile. He looked down at her, almost surprised at the tender touch, before returning it with a small quirk of his mouth as he nodded slightly.

The moment passed, and Ben cleared his throat, grabbing and expertly managing to balance all three plate in his hands. “Here we go.”

Rey followed him to the table, suddenly aware of how hungry she was when she saw the buttery bread sandwiching the crispy yet juicy bacon and perfectly fried egg on her plate. It looked naughty as hell but it was perfection to her.

“Wow. This looks incredible. Thank you.”

Rian looked a little bit more sceptical and Rey remembered the conversation she overheard earlier. Lifting the whole sandwich to her mouth, she took a huge bite, making sure to get a bit of everything. The noise she made wasn’t fake or emphasised in any way, her eyes widening as she looked down at the messy meal and tried to figure out what he had done differently.

“This _tastes incredible._ What have you done? Is it the bacon?” Rey couldn’t put her finger on it.

Ben chuckled, and Rey could see out of the corner of her eye, Rian had cut his in half and was chewing a large mouthful.

“I cooked the bacon in butter on the stove.” Ben explained and Rey tried not to think about how calorific that was.

“I’m going to have to try that. It makes it so… buttery.” She finished lamely, not able to find a more suitable word to describe it, before taking a second bite. The bright yellow yolk had broken and flooded the bread, causing a bit to fall down her chin that she wiped away with the back of her hand. It wasn’t elegant or pretty, but when something tasted that good, she didn’t care how untidy she looked as she ate.

Rian joined in, saying he like it as well, and Rey gave herself a mental pat on the back for her small manipulation, and then the table fell into silence as they all enjoyed their breakfast. Rey couldn’t help but wonder if maybe… maybe this could work out between her and Ben.

She spent the rest of breakfast trying to figure out how she might broach the subject, test how he felt about the idea, when she realised she needed to clear the air first. So when Rian went off to shower and get dressed, Rey started the dishes while Ben insisted on helping by drying, Rey took a deep breath.

“Amilyn called me the other day.” Ben tensed. Discussion of lawyers was a sure-fire way to get them both on edge, knowing how bad the conversation could go and how quickly, she kept talking. “And before you worry, I want you to know that I don’t agree with what she suggested on any level and won’t do it.” Her plan didn’t help. In fact, what she said may have made Ben more nervous as his grip on a plate tightened until his knuckles went white. “She had found a case that we could use against you. One where the father had PTSD and they claimed he could be a danger to the child.” Ben took a sharp inhale and Rey turned to him, quickly continuing, wanting him to know everything before he could react. “There had been an incident and the adoptive parents used it to get custody, and she wanted to use it to scare you into agreeing to our terms, but I said no.” Her hand rested on his forearm, trying to calm him. “I… I couldn’t do that to you.”

She watched as a whirlwind of emotions played over his face. Anger, upset, fear, all before landing on resignation. “I would never hurt Rian.”

“I know. I know that. That’s why… that’s why I think we need to get rid of the lawyers.”

There. Like ripping off a band aid, she told herself. But then suddenly it all started to spill out.

“I don’t think they are healthy for us. Every problem we’ve had, every argument and misunderstanding has come from lawyer’s advice. And I don’t know about you, but every day I live in fear that tomorrow might be the day you make a big move and everything changes. I want to trust you, I _do_ trust you, but knowing there is a man, ready to take Rian away at your word, it… it makes it really hard. Harder than it needs to be.” She looked up at him, her eyes pleading for him to agree with her. This wasn’t the first time she had let herself be vulnerable in front of him, but it felt like it. “We are Rian’s parents. We aren’t criminals in a courtroom. We aren’t superheroes and villains that are supposed to fight to the death for him. And yet - I know it’s silly - but sometimes it feels like that.” Rey took a deep breath in, realising she hadn’t paused since starting. “Please say something, Ben.”

“I…” He looked down at the tea towel in his hand, as if the damp material held the words he was struggling to find. “I think this works.”

“Oh.” Her stomach dropped. She had been wrong. They weren’t on the same page at all. “Okay.”

“No. Us. I think we work.” Ben said, noticing her downcast gaze and realising his mistake. “We said we’d try it out like this and see how things go, and I think- I think this works.”

“You do?”

He nodded, a smile he tried to hold back escaping his control as the corners of his mouth quirked up. “I do. So, let’s get rid of the lawyers, let’s do this together.” Rey couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over her face. He agreed with her. He thought they worked. Relief flooded her veins and muscles she didn’t know she was tensing relaxed. Now all she had to do was broach the idea of _them_. “50/50. Co-parents.”

Her heart sank.

“Co-parents.” Rey repeated, the joy immediately gone, leaving a numbness in its place. “Of course.” She agreed, feeling foolish for thinking she could turn this important turning point for them into a conversation about them possibly trying to… date? Would that have even been the right word for it? It didn’t matter anymore, she told herself, straightening her back and fixing a smile on her face. “Co-parents.” She repeated, holding out her hand, she felt a weight lift off her shoulders as he took it.

“I’ll call Enric this morning.”

“Me too. Amilyn, not Enric. Obviously.” Rey said, tripping over her words. “I should- I should go get dressed.” The sudden urge to retreat overcame her, like she needed to lick her wounds.

“Sure.” Ben nodded, motioning to the dripping cutlery. “I’ll finish up here.” Rey nodded, squeezing past him and making her way to her bedroom. “Rey?” He called out, making her pause.

“Yeah?” She turned back to see Ben smiling at her. A real, completely open and grateful smile that made her heart feel tight and forced her to swallow.

“Thank you. I know this must have been a difficult decision to make, and… I appreciate that you made the first step. I… thank you.” His words were like warm honey, full of pure goodness as his eyes shone.

“No problem, Ben.” Turning on her heel, she walked to her room a little faster than normal, shutting the door behind her and leaning back on it.

This was a good thing, she told herself, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. But then why did she feel like shit?

  
——-

“What is that?” Rey wanted to cry when she spotted the dark stain on Rian’s shirt.

“What’s what?” He looked down, unable to see what she was referring to.

“That!” She hissed, unable to point with her hands that were currently holding a bag in one and a bottle of the nicest wine the grocery store had in the other.

They had just parked outside the Organa-Solo residence, having been buzzed through the large gates a few minutes earlier, and Rey’s nerves were on edge. The house was big, something Ben had told her beforehand, but it didn’t stop her from feeling any less intimidated as she drove down the tree lined driveway, the large mansion slowly coming into view.

“Oh. I dunno.” Rian shrugged, unaffected by his mother’s frantic concern.

“That shirt was new this morning.” She sighed with disbelief. “Why today, Rian? I’m stressed enough as it is.” She muttered, mostly to herself.

“I think it’s jam.” Rian said, as if knowing what had caused the stain would make it any less worse.

“Jam?”

“From breakfast.”

Desperately, Rey looked over at the front door to the property a few yards away, weighing up if they had time for Rian to quickly get changed into one of the other nice new shirts she had packed for him, but as she wondered, she saw the door open, Ben stepping outside to greet them. He was wearing a crisp white shirt, tucked into a dark navy pair of dress trousers. He looked great. And she was wearing a dress from Walmart and Rian had a giant jam stain on his shirt. She had never felt more pathetic.

He seemed to instantly notice her panic, half jogging down the drive. “Hey guys.” Ben didn’t strike her as a ‘hey guys’ kind of guy, but maybe it was his way of trying to keep her calm. “Let me take these for you.” He offered, reaching out to take the bag handle from her grasp. “Everything okay?” He said, a little quieter so only she could hear.

“Rian’s shirt.” She hated how meek she sounded, how wide and round her eyes must have looked.

“It’s a nice shirt.” Ben tried to assure her.

“No. It’s- he got jam on it.”

Ben couldn’t suppress the smile that took over his face before managing to school his features. “Trust me, Rey. No one is going to notice.” She nodded, knowing that his parents were just as anxious as she was about this, and wouldn’t have cared if Rian turned up in a potato sack, but she wanted to make a good first impression, and her inability to keep her son clean wasn’t that. “They’re waiting in the living room.” Ben updated her. They agreed that Rey and Rian would have the chance to drop their bags down and take their shoes off before meeting Han and Leia, to save their arrival being too awkward and overcrowded. “Rian, can you grab your mom’s phone from the car?” Ben called over her shoulder, spotting it still attached to the windscreen and knowing she would need it.

“I brought photo albums.” Rey said before groaning, feeling like an idiot as she remembered. “But they’ve already seen them, haven’t they?”

“I’m sure they’ll love to see them again. I know they had a few questions about some of them.” He was being very kind to her, and it made her wonder what sort of state she looked like in order to earn such pity from him, but she had to remind herself that it wasn’t pity. Not from Ben Solo. He wouldn’t do her the disservice of pity. He was just a nice guy.

“Ready?” She nodded, only to see that Ben wasn’t looking at her anymore.

“Yeah.” Rian replied, looking a little sheepish. “Here you go, Mom.” He said, holding her phone out for her to take. It was only then she realised her son might also be nervous. That despite all his eagerness about meeting the great Han Solo and the Governor of California, when it was about to happen, all his confidence had vanished as well.

“Thanks.” She paused, giving her son a gentle smile, grasping his hand and giving it a squeeze. “Come on. Let’s go say hi.” She would never understand it, but it was always easy to stay calm if it was for Rian’s sake. Even in the most stressful situations, if she had to be strong for him, courage filled her veins.

“Mom, Dad.” Ben called out, leading them through the house, and even though Rey had spent the morning looking at photos of them on Google again, biting the edge of her thumb nail while Rian ate the offending jam on toast, she still wasn’t prepared to see them in person.

Captain Han Solo was stood closest to them, having just gotten up from his seat, and Rey noted how his hands fell to his side, having clearly been holding his wives while they waited.

He had a great face, each wrinkle showing a life well lived, and there was an ease to his smile that instantly reminded her of Ben. It was comforting. He took a long stride over to them, holding out his hand.

“Miss Johnson, it’s good to meet you.” His voice was a little gruffier than the interviews she’d seen of him on YouTube, more casual and less pilot-y, and his hand was soft and warm as it clasped around hers.

“Please, call me Rey.” Looking over at her son and finding him awestruck. “And this is Rian.” She smiled, and looked back to see Han Solo already staring at him, his eyes a little wet and shining as he held out his hand again.

“Hello Rian. I’m Ben’s dad, Han.”

“Hello Sir.” His handshake was hesitant, and Rey gave him a little nudge. “I- I think you are an amazing pilot.”

Han chuckled, it was a warm sound that filled the room, and lifted some of the tension out of the air. “Retired.” Han corrected. “And please, call me Han. Or Granddad.” He threw a wink in Rian’s direction. Rey could hear Ben sighing behind her, and she could almost picture him rolling his eyes at his father’s gall.

Rey watched as Governor Leia Organa-Solo slowly came and stood by her husband’s side. She wanted to introduce herself, to hold out her hand or even bow for the woman whose reputation was known throughout the country as being a fierce and powerful. But instead she found herself frozen, unable to speak out of fear.

“You don’t have to call him that-” Ben spoke up but trailed off when he saw Rian holding out the thank you card Rey had gotten him to write.

“This is for you, Granddad. You and Grandma.” Rey was equally as stunned as Ben when she watched the interaction. Her fear vanishing in an instant and in its place a heart ache for Leia as the older woman held back a sob before she reached out to take the card.

“Thank you, Rian. This is very kind of you.” The Governor said, her voice a little shaky, her eyes a little watery, and it was painfully obvious to Rey that she wanted to hug her grandson and it was taking all her might to hold back.

“It’s just a card.” Rian explained, shuffling his feet. “Mom bought wine.”

“Did she?” Leia said, quirking an eyebrow in her direction.

“Yes. Yes, I did. I- I hope it’s okay.” She handed the bottle of red over to Han who examined the label.

“Ah! A favorite of ours.” She suspected him of lying, but she didn’t mind. It seemed chivalry ran in the family.

“Rey, my dear, I am so thrilled to meet you.” Leia held out her hands, grasping hers before pulling her in for a hug. She wasn’t sure if it was the motherly connection, but it felt completely natural and welcoming as she wrapped her arms around the short woman. “Thank you.” Leia whispered, her voice cracking with emotion as her hand patted the back of Rey’s hair. She knew her gratitude was so much more than the $30 bottle of wine, so she just hugged back tighter, knowing how important this moment was for them.

“Thank you, Governor. We’ve never had a proper Thanksgiving, at least, not a traditional one.”

“Oh, there are no titles in this house. Han is Han, and I’m Leia.” Rey nodded, Ben had already told her that, but she felt a little more comfortable hearing it from Leia herself. “Now, what can I get you to drink?”

“Can I have a coke?” Rian asked Rey, knowing that she limited the amount of sodas he drunk.

“If they have any.”

“Sure do, kiddo.” Han said.

“Two coke’s would be lovely, thank you.” Rey confirmed.

“It’s Thanksgiving, you must have a drink with me.” Leia insisted.

“Mom…” Ben’s tone held a warning.

“Only if you don’t mind?” Rey spoke at the same time.

“What? I’m not pressuring the poor girl.” Leia threw up her hands defensively. “Bring out the champagne, Han.”

“Oh! No. Honestly, I don’t need anything special-”

“Nonsense. This is a special occasion.”

Rey looked over at Ben, unsure of what to say. She didn’t want to offend the host, and a glass of something sparkling and alcoholic would be nice to calm her nerves, but she also didn’t want Ben to think she was only doing it out of guilt.

“Thank you, that’s sounds lovely.” Rey finally said, relaxing slightly. They were going to be here until Sunday, that was nearly four days, she couldn’t act reserved and awkward the whole time.

“Rian, let me show you your room.” Ben said, waving at his son before they went to grab their bags. Leaving her and Leia alone.

“Come. Sit.” Leia said, ushering her to an armchair.

“You have a lovely home.” Rey commented, looking around the incredibly stunning living room. Its pristine white walls would have been harsh if it wasn’t for the soft grey furniture, and the copious amounts of soft blankets and cushions scattered around and the warm wooden floor. It looked like a home from a movie, rather than one of someone she actually knew.

The sound of a cork popping in the distance made her jump slightly.

“We are very lucky.” Leia said as she sat down across from her. “Although I always found it too big, especially-” Her shoulders pulled back and despite her small stature, she sat taller as she finished her sentence. “Especially when we thought we had lost Ben.”

“That must have been awful. I’m so sorry.”

“We got him back, that’s all that matters.” Leia said with a small smile, like part of her still ached from the years of loss.

“Still, that couldn’t have been easy.”

“It was hard.” Han said, entering the room, carrying a tray with several drinks on it. “It damn near destroyed us. If last year you’d have told us not only would we have our son back, but have a grandson as well… well, let’s just say, we have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.”

“I can’t explain how excited Rian was when he found out he not only had grandparents, but one was the famous captain he obsessed over and the other he learned about in school. He wouldn’t stop talking about you for weeks.” Rey chuckled, saying a quick thank you as Han handed her a glass. “I actually wanted to thank you both. I know it’s been a few months now, but I really appreciate you giving us time, without pressuring us into meeting sooner.”

“Well, Ben didn’t really give us much say in the matter.” Han said drily as he handed the other champagne glass to his wife, which earned him a glare from her.

“It was quite a big change, and we’re still finding the perfect balance.” Rey continued, trying not to think about how it was her that was struggling to find the right rhythm with Ben and not Rian that was still adjusting. “But he’s a great kid; I know I’m biased, but he really is. He can just be a little shy meeting new people.”

As if to show her up and prove her wrong on purpose, Rian came back into the room with Ben, the photo album under his arm and his eyes fixed on Han, alight with excitement. “Do you really have an Aviat Husky here that I can sit in?”

Han chuckled, handing a glass with ice and a cold can of Coke to Rian. “Sure do. And if your Mom is okay with it, maybe we could take the old gal out sometime.”

“Dad…” Ben said, his warning tone back and Rey had to wonder how often he used that with his father.

“What? The kid likes planes, what do you expect me to say?”

“If Mr Solo-” Rey corrected herself. “If Han doesn’t mind, then maybe you can go out in it with him and Ben, but not today.”

“It’s a two-seater, Mom.” Rian snorted, as if she was an idiot for not knowing that.

“Rey…” It was her turn to get the Ben Solo tone of disproval.

“It’s fine. If my son was ever going to get in a plane, then who better to fly it than Captain Han Solo!” Rian’s face lighting up was enough of a reward for giving him her permission.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really.” And she supposed it didn’t hurt to win favours with her son and his grandparents, although that was secondary. “Now, do you want to sit down next to Han and Leia and show them those photos?” Rian nodded, doing as he was told and soon Han and Leia were engrossed with the old pictures in the book, engaging and asking questions to get more details and hear the stories that revolved around them. It was touching to watch. This was something that for years they had given up hope of ever having. It made her eyes a little misty, especially when she saw the small look of love that the old married couple shared over her son’s head.

“Rey?” Ben interrupted her thoughts, his voice quiet as he leaned across from his chair until their knees were almost touching.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to say yes to everything. I know my mother and father can be a little overbearing, and I don’t want you to feel forced or uncomfortable-”

“I’m not.” She assured him, taking his hand and giving it a little pat.

“You’re not?” Ben seemed surprised at how relaxed she was, which only made her smile grow.

“I’m fine, Ben. I’m… This is nice.” She said, truthfully.

Ben’s fingers curled around hers and squeezed, and it would have been so easy for her to move forward and press her mouth to his in a soft, content kiss. In fact, it would have felt completely natural to her, but she didn’t, choosing to sit back and slowly sip her drink and they watched their son chat animatedly with his grandparents.

This was nice, Rey thought, finally feeling like part of a family, even if she was on the outskirts of it. Smiling to herself, she didn’t notice the frown that deepened on Ben’s face, or the way he sat back in his chair, arms crossing, as if he was processing some bad news.

His quiet mood seemed to last until dinner, and while Rey thought it was just because he wanted to give him parents chance to bond with Rian, Rey started to question if he was alright when they passed each other in the hallway as she went to the bathroom to wash her hands only to find him hanging up his phone, his jaw clenched and his eyes hard.

“Everything okay?”

His head whipped across to look at her, a few strands of hair falling in his face which he pushed back quickly. “Fine.”

“Ben?” She stepped closer, concern lacing her voice. “You can talk to me-”

“I’d rather not do this. Not now.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Rey asked, confused.

“No.” He sighed, pressing his hand to his mouth for a moment. “I need a moment. To call my therapist. This is… it’s a little overwhelming.”

“Oh.” Rey stepped back, instantly feeling bad. “Okay.” Turning to leave and re-join his parents, Ben called out her name.

“Rey? I’m sorry.” He was speaking so low that she could barely hear him, the muffled sound of Han telling a story in the dining room not far off almost drowned him out. “Sometimes I find it hard to enjoy the moment. I get lost in… in insecurities, and overthink.” He looked at the ceiling, as if he had let out a huge secret, and Rey completely understood where he was coming from, having suffered from those exact same anxieties herself. “I’m happy. I’m so glad you and Rian are here, truly. I just needed a minute alone to… to breathe.”

Rey nodded, her hand reaching over to stroke his arm lightly. “That’s okay. This is new and scary for all of us. No one can blame you for needing a little space, and I appreciate you feeling comfortable enough to tell me about it.” She hoped her smile was supportive as she squeezed his arm gently before she headed back. “Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m happy too. I want you to know that, because you… you’re a big part of that.” Blinking slowly, Ben looked stunned at her admission. She was worried that it wasn’t the right time, but pushed those feelings aside. Part of his stress came from worrying about her and Rian, she knew that in the way he always looked out for them, and constantly checked in with little looks or quick questions. He deserved to know that she was doing okay, and he was to thank for a lot of that. “I’ll see you back in there.”

She sat down at the table, ready for her first of many Organa-Solo meals in the next few days, her soft smile still lingering on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving is here! I hope you enjoyed Rey's Meet The Parents chapter. 
> 
> You may have also noticed that the chapter count has gone down from 20 to 19... Which means we are on the home stretch now! 
> 
> Please don't forget to comment and kudos! And feel free to follow me on [social media](https://il.ink/LadyReylo). Where I tweet Reylo stuff sometimes.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

“A garage, huh?” Han said, approaching Rey as she stood to one side in the lounge while Leia and Ben were in a deep discussion of some sort. “My first job was in a garage.”

The older man took her by surprise; she thought she might go unnoticed in the corner, nursing her second glass of wine from dinner. Rian had gone to bed an hour ago, leaving the grown-ups time to talk and drink more, but Rey wasn’t feeling quite as social anymore. Today had been a lot for her to absorb. Leia was unbelievably lovely; despite her powerful presence, she had made Rey feel comfortable with her kind natured comments, gentle touches and cheeky winks during conversations.

Han was harder to read, his relaxed attitude and charm making Rey question if he was being serious half the time, or just teasing. But he seemed nice enough, even if his dry humour reminded her of Ben a little too much. But overall, the smiles, the endless stories she was encouraged to tell of Rian growing up, the cheeriness of it all, it was draining, and she couldn’t wait for the moment she could excuse herself to her guest bedroom and sleep. She hoped her checking the clock on the mantle piece, or the grandfather clock in the corner of the room, or the slightly smaller grandmother clock by the door, was subtle enough that she wouldn’t be caught. How many clocks did they need? She had thought to herself earlier, but now she appreciated not having to look at her phone to see if it was an appropriately late enough time to excuse herself. It wouldn’t do to cause Han or Leia offence, not when they had been so lovely all evening.

“Really?”

“I was just a kid. It was hard work, but I didn’t care. I was around cars, and I was making money. It was a big deal for a fifteen-year-old.”

“I get it.”

“It was what got me into engines, and then, well, you know the rest.”

“Same as Rian.” Rey commented. “He got really into them when I would work weekends and he would hang out in the shop.” Han raised an eyebrow at her, his mouth forming a small ‘o’. “I don’t work weekends anymore. It was before I could afford more staff.” She explained quickly, not wanting the older man to judge her or have Ben file a child labour suit against her.

“Ben said there are three of you?”

“Yeah. Finn, Rose and I. Finn’s been with me since day one. And about three years ago we got busy enough to justify hiring Rose.”

“Sounds very successful. How long have you been in business?” She wasn’t sure if his questions were kind-hearted curiosity or if he was snooping for details, but after two glasses of wine, it was easy to talk freely about the job she loved. Taking a sip of her now room temperature white wine, she told herself to let down her barriers and that not everyone was out to get her.

“I’ve owned the company for nearly ten years now.” Han looked her up and down quickly, and she knew that look. He thought she was too young to have run her own business for nearly a decade. She wasn’t annoyed, not nowadays unlike her youth, in fact, now she took it as a compliment to have been so successful at such a young age.

“That’s quite impressive.” Was Han’s only comment.

“I didn’t do it all on my own. I’m sure Ben told you that I was left some money. I was in a fortunate enough position to be able to study and start my company without having to worry about money for a little while.” She didn’t want to pretend she had done it all herself, knowing how much easier those first few years had been, taking care of Rian while studying at the same time, it would have been impossible without having that money to rely on.

They stood in a comfortable silence for a moment, both looking at Ben and Leia talking animatedly over something in so much depth that neither her nor Han could follow. The light from the fire was flickering over them, and the way it danced over Ben’s features made it fascinating to watch for a little while. The warm glow lit up his usually dark eyes, making them bright and full of life. The shadows cast on him accentuated the muscles in his neck and the strong lines of his face. She couldn’t help but let her eyes follow the sharp curve of his jaw he spoke with his mother.

“He’s a good kid.”

“Rian’s great.” Rey hummed in agreement on instinct. “He’s getting smarter and smarter by the day.”

“I meant Ben.”

“Oh.” Rey paused, her eyes snapping away from the person in question and looking down at the wine glass in her hand as if she had been caught. “He’s… he’s great too.”

Han chuckled to himself. “You should have seen the list of demands he made before he agreed to this.”

“Oh?”

“He’s very protective.” The older man leaned over to her, taking a sip from his glass before continuing. “Although I think he was more worried we’d embarrass him.”

Rey grinned, her eyes filled with delight at the idea. “I can only imagine the stories you have about baby Ben.”

“Easy. I don’t want to risk breaking those strict instructions and him hiding you both away for another three months again.”

“I wouldn’t let him. Rian…” Rey sighed to herself. “Rian is so thrilled to finally have grandparents. I should probably apologise to you. I was keeping you at a distance for… well, I don’t really know why now. But seeing him tonight… I- We couldn’t take that away from him.”

Her words made Han swallow, the emotion thick in his throat that he had to clear it before continuing. She ignored it, for his sake.

“No folks on your side?” It was a casually asked question, one that came out without thought, most likely because of the late hour and the buzz from the wine, or the need to change the subject to something less emotional for him. She knew Ben had already told his parents about her upbringing, so it had clearly just slipped his mind.

“Sadly not. I grew up in foster care.”

“Right. Sorry.” He shuffled his feet for a moment before speaking again. “I was in the system too.” Her eyebrows shot up, surprised by this new information. Han just shrugged, a defensive gesture she was very familiar with. “I was orphaned when I was just a kid.” Rey felt her face soften. “It makes you grow up fast, not having a family to rely on, but it was the best damn thing that could have ever happened to me.” Rey’s nose wrinkled, she didn’t understand how that could possibly be the case, and he nodded his head over to the other side of the room, where his wife and son were sitting, now having calmed down somewhat from their heated discussion and were smiling with humour as they spoke. “See, we don’t have the same life they get, we don’t have people that automatically have to love us. We… we get to make our own family.” Her breath caught in her throat. “And that bond is a hell of a lot better than any DNA, let me tell you.”

She was nodding without realising. “You’re right.” Her shoulders relaxing for the first time that evening and her grip loosening ever so slightly around her glass. “I wouldn’t change it for the world.” Her voice was soft, and she didn’t notice the way Han smiled at her as they made their way across the living room to join Ben and Leia on the sofas.

Suddenly she wasn’t that tired anymore. Maybe because now it didn’t feel like she was pretending she was happy to be there.

Another hour rolled on, and another glass of wine was poured, but she barely noticed, laughing at Han and Leia’s stories and watching the way Ben frowned and blushed as they got to the more embarrassing moments.

“When I finally did notice, we had already been there well over an hour, I am certain everybody had seen it by that point. I was mortified. It was the talk of the whole night!” Leia regaled, telling Rey of the time Ben had left his paints out on the sofa and she had sat on them just before they were due to leave for a benefit and didn’t notice the multicoloured stains that had now adorned her bottom until much later that night.

“I was four.” Ben sighed in his defence as Rey laughed along with his parents.

“Oh, I don’t blame you.” Leia waved her hand a little drunkenly in front of her. “Although I wonder how my husband, who usually takes every opportunity he can to look at my bum, managed to not spot the rainbow on it!”

“Dear God…” Ben cringed, covering his eyes with a hand as the other bought his tumbler of whiskey to his lips.

“You told me you needed to be memorable at the gala.” Han just shrugged, earning him a swat on the arm as Leia half-heartedly scolded him, her smile giving away her lack of real anger.

“Memorable to get the votes I needed, not to be a laughing stock!”

“Well, you got the votes, so it worked, didn’t it?” The older couple shared a look and Rey couldn’t help but smile.

It was nice. Familiar even. These endearing stories reminding her of the ones herself, Finn, Poe and Rose often shared. It felt like a family. One she one day had a chance of being part of.

Suppressing a yawn, Rey saw the silent question Ben threw at her, checking to make sure she was okay or if it was time to make excuses, but she subtly shook her head, not wanting the friendly company and conversation to be over just yet.

“That reminds me of the time I went to work and found half of the tools in my toolbox had been replaced with Rian’s plastic ones.” Leia’s eyes lit up and Rey was about to go into details when another yawn, one she was unable to hide, took over her. “Sorry.”

“That’s it. It’s been a long day for all of us. Bed.” Ben announced, standing up and already tidying away everyone’s glasses onto a tray on the coffee table.

“He’s right, Princesses. Lids on dips.” Han stood up, offering his hand to his wife and gently kissing her forehead. She reluctantly nodded and began to take over tidying up as Ben walked Rey to her room for the night.

“Lids on dips?” Rey asked, feeling a little giddier and less steady on her feet than she expected. Ben’s hand found the small of her back as he guided her up the staircase.

“It’s an old joke.” Ben informed her as they reached her bedroom door.

“I don’t understand.”

Ben chuckled, “It’s something my father used to do when he couldn’t be bothered to entertain my mother’s colleagues anymore and wanted a party to be over. He started packing away all the snacks, grabbing Tupperware and shoving the olives and cheese in them. Putting lids on the dips. Very unsubtle. But it became this sort of expression for whenever we want something to wrap up. Lids on dips. Time to go home.”

“Oh.” Rey frowned slightly, her forehead crinkling up in confusion. “I still don’t understand.”

Ben was standing so close she could feel his soft chuckle through his soft cashmere jumper. And she wasn’t sure why, maybe it was because she had just witnessed his dad do the same thing, but when he bent down and pressed his lips gently to her forehead, she leaned into it.

“I’m really happy you decided to come this extra day.”

“Me too.”

They lingered for a moment, both close enough to touch, to hold one another, yet neither daring to cross that line again, she couldn’t keep doing that to him. Letting him in then pushing him away the next day. Not that he would let her this time, not when they had agreed to just be friends, not when his parents were moment away from coming upstairs.

“Goodnight, Rey.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and it reminded her that Rian, their son, was asleep in the room next door. No, Rey reminded herself, she couldn’t let her mind wander or act impulsively.

“Goodnight, Ben.” She smiled, her belly warm and tingling with a buzz from the wine she had been drinking.

\-----

“We’ll be back before the parade starts.” Han said, bending down to press a kiss onto Leia’s cheek.

They were standing in the kitchen, a picture of domestic holiday bliss as Han, Ben and Rian stood in their autumnal coloured knit jumpers, wishing her and Leia bye as they went to Han’s workshop and hanger to show Rian some planes.

Rey had had a surprisingly restful night, perhaps due to the wine she had consumed, or maybe there was something in the air of the Organa-Solo home that allowed her to relax in a way she hadn’t experience before. Maybe it was the fact it wasn’t just her and Rian anymore. Whatever it was, she was content as she ruffled Rian’s hair and told him to have fun, leaving her and Leia to prepare the vegetables for dinner.

“Boys and their toys.” Leia chuckled as she watched them walk across their backyard towards to small hanger that was hidden at the back of it, her hands skilfully peeling potatoes, their skins curling in mid-air before falling into the bowl below. “Han used to fly 50 hours a week with Corellia Air, then come home and fly another 20 just for fun.”

“That’s impressive.” Rey breathed, not wanting to offend the revered pilot, but also understanding Leia’s frustration. “It must have been hard not having him around when Ben was younger.”

“Oh no. He would take Ben with him flying.” Leia gave Rey a pointed look that made her opinion on that fact clear. “Strap him in his carrier and tie it to the co-pilot chair.”

Rey’s eye widened in horror. “Oh my God!”

“There’s a reason Ben joined the Marines and not the Air Force.” Leia chuckled. “Han adores him, but he… he wasn’t the best father.” Rey thought of the man last night who had shared his history with her, who raised Ben Solo, and she found it hard to believe. “He’s making up for it now. We both are.” That’s when Rey noticed the older woman’s hands shaking, and on instinct she reached over and clasped them in her own, squeezing. They didn’t need to speak, the understanding too clear between them to warrant words.

Once the potatoes were done, they started on the carrots and somehow found themselves laughing about their sons.

“How long did it last?”

“About a week.” Rey laughed as she retold the story of Rian’s vegetarian phase a few months ago. “I must admit, I was really craving bacon so I may or may not have driven past a smokehouse one night to try and break him.”

“I don’t blame you. A skinny thing like you, you can’t not eat meat.” Leia’s comment made Rey blush, it reminded her of Rose’s mum, who always insisted she was too thin and tried to push extra Tupperware of Pho Bo on her whenever she visited. It was nice, to have a mother figure care for her, even if it wasn’t real.

“At least he didn’t want to try veganism, I probably would have had to disown him if he wanted to give up cheese.” Rey joked.

“Ben did the same thing, although it was tuna. He saw a documentary on tv one night, about tuna fishing inadvertently killing dolphins. He got so upset, he didn’t want to eat fish for months! He got so into it that I eventually made it one of my campaign policies.” Leia finished washing and drying her hands after pressing the stuffing into the glass dish ready to go in the oven later, then went to start preparing a jug of fresh coffee.

“Wow. Did it work?”

“I made congress, and we got dolphin-safe labels on packaging in the whole of the US, so yes, I guess it did work.” Leia’s smile was kind, her eyes twinkling with the sort of warmth that Rey always imagined a mother would have.

“That… that’s really nice.” She couldn’t stop the way her eyes misted at the thought of a young Leia and an even younger Ben making posters together to save the dolphins. Looking down at the dough she was kneading, she tried to blink away the tears before they formed. Her time with Rian was quickly slipping away, and with him discovering a dad and grandparents who have much more fascinating lives than she did, it was easy to imagine those moments disappearing completely.

If Leia noticed, she didn’t say anything. Instead offering her a mug of coffee and asking her about her work, a topic she felt much less fragile talking about.

It was nearly an hour later, as both women were leaning on the kitchen counters lost in conversation, food prep done, when the backdoor slammed open, alerting Rey and Leia to the boys’ return. Han was holding Rian in his arms as they rushed through the house, and Rey felt her heart clench at the sight and their obvious panic.

“What happened?” Leia asked over the sound of Rian crying.

“He fell. He hurt his arm. I think it’s broken.” Han explained, doing remarkably well despite his age to carry the eleven-year-old in his arms. “He was on the ladder looking at the motor with me, then-”

“I let go.” Ben said, his voice full of anguish as he ran his hand through his hair. “It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s mine. I dropped the flashlight, it… it triggered Ben and-”

“It’s all my fault.”

Rey could just make out what had happened between their overlapping words and Rian’s noises of pain while he cradled his right arm to his chest, her brain already in overdrive.

“It’s okay, Rian. I’m here.”

“Mommy.” Her son’s voice was heartbreakingly small.

“Han, take Rian to my car.” She commanded, already grabbing her phone and handbag. “Leia, where is the nearest hospital?”

“UCLA Children’s. It’s fifteen minutes away.” Rey nodded, heading to the door when she remembered Ben.

He looked distraught, clearly guilty that he had caused the accident, and while she wished she had time to get the full story, she knew he wasn’t in the state of mind to think straight and as much as it pained her, she didn’t have time to comfort him when her son was in pain.

“Leia, when Ben’s calmed down, tell him which hospital we went to, okay?” The older woman nodded and Rey gave her the best smile she could muster before jogging out to her car, her shoes laces forgotten and trailing on the ground with each step.

“Thank you.” She said as she reached Han who had just secured Rian into the passenger seat safely.

“I didn’t get a good look at it,” Han began, and Rey looked at how her son was protecting his arm so no one could see it. “But he fell around four or five feet. He landed pretty hard on his hand.”

“Okay. Thank you.” She nodded, absorbing the information and trying to picture it as she got in the car and turned on the engine. “I’ll ring Ben with updates.” She called out through the open window.

It wasn’t until she was a mile down the road that she realised she hadn’t said anything to Ben as she left, but as she drove over a pothole that made Rian jolt and cry out in pain, the thought escaped her mind.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Her arm reached over the seat divide and she squeezed his shoulder, she wasn’t sure who she was comforting more, him or her. “We’re nearly there. Everything’s going to be okay.” Keeping her eyes on the road, she focused on navigating the winding Bel Air roads. “I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My baby! I feel like Rian is my child now and I hated hurting him :-( I'm sorry.
> 
> And now there are only two chapters left... "How are you going to resolve it all?" I hear you ask. Well, the chapters are already written, so you won't have to wait long to find out! 
> 
> Please don't forget to comment and kudos! And feel free to follow me on [social media](https://il.ink/LadyReylo) I tweet Reylo stuff sometimes.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again there is some rated M content in this chapter. If you want to read it and miss that mature scene, please end the chapter when you reach the ***** after the sentence _"“I feel it too.” She admitted when they panted for air, shaking with want.*"_

One hour, one paediatrician and one x-ray later, it was confirmed Rian had a broken wrist. He was calmer now he’d had some pain killers, even excitedly asking if he would get a cast and then putting a lot of thought into which colour he’d like, leaving Rey to focus on filling out forms. She was about six pages in when she heard someone clear their throat.

Looking up she saw Ben standing just outside the room, angled perfectly so Rian couldn’t see him if he looked up from the bandage options the nurse had given him to choose from.

Rey slowly stood from her seat and excused herself.

“Hey.” It was more awkward than she thought it would be, both of them standing in a busy ER hallway, their voices low despite being far away enough that Rian couldn’t hear them.

“Is- is he okay?”

It was then Rey realised she hadn’t called or text him. “It’s broken. But it’s a clean break, which they said is the best kind?” Her nose wrinkled up at the idea of a ‘good’ kind of broken bone. “And the swelling has already gone down, so they’re going to cast him up and we’ll be back home before dinner.” She ran her hand over her forehead, missing the pained expression that crossed over Ben’s face.

“Home?” His voice sounded strangled and Rey winced.

“Yeah. I think it’s best if we… go.” Rey had already been nervous about meeting Ben’s incredible parents, and this proved all her fear correct. Her and Rian being there, the accident, it had ruined Han and Leia’s usually lovely and peaceful Thanksgiving. They would never be invited back.

“Fuck.” Ben’s hands tightened as he turned on his heel, obviously upset by her decision. Rey could see a nurse at the nurse’s station raise their eyebrow at them, carefully watching the scene develop in case they needed to intervene.

Rey held her hand up cautiously, touching it to Ben’s arm, trying to get him to focus. “What happened, Ben? Han said…” She purposefully let her voice trail off, so he could continue and fill in the blanks.

“Han was showing Rian the plane engine. They were both up on ladders, but I was holding Rian’s.” Ben’s hand pushed through his hair, his gaze low, unable to look at her. “Han dropped, I don’t know, a spanner or something, and when it hit the ground it just… I panicked. I… I wasn’t in the hanger anymore, I was… somewhere else. Next thing I knew, I’d knocked over the ladder and Rian was on the floor. It’s all my fault, Rey. I couldn’t stop it.”

Rey reached out for him again, but he jerked away before she could get close. “Ben-”

“This is it.” Her forehead crinkled in confusion as a sob racked his body. “This is how I lose him, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“This is exactly what your lawyer wanted, my PTSD, an accident… Now you can easily stop me from seeing him, no one would blame you.” Rey’s eyes widened. He was clearly distressed, and all over something she hadn’t even considered. Something she would never consider!

“This was just an accident, Ben.” She started, but he was too far gone, his hazel eyes shining with tears, his body ridged with self-loathing. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“I wouldn’t even stop you.” He said through gritted teeth. “I’m a fucking liability. First my nightmares, now this… I can’t be trusted.” His large hands swiped over his face, wiping away the tears angrily. “I’m so sorry, Rey. He deserves better than me, you both do. Just… just tell him I’m sorry, okay? Tell him, it’s for his own good and that I understand.”

“Tell him yourself.” Her chin tilted up defiantly. “I’m not going to shut you out of his life, Ben. These things happen, and your job as a parent isn’t to run away feeling guilty and scared. Your job is to say you’re sorry, make him feel better and make sure it doesn’t happen again.” If the moment hadn’t been so tense, she would have been proud of how good her Mom voice was.

He looked as if he was about to protest, but she stopped him with a look.

“You’re his dad, Ben. You don’t get to walk away when things go wrong.”

He gave her an odd look, like he was realising something for the first time, his eyes bloodshot and slightly puffy from the tears were wide and childlike, his lips wet and sad as his jaw went slack. It was so easy to wrap her arms around him, taking some of his weight and fears as she stroked the back of his head softly.

“Rey-” It was a strangled noise, muffled by her hair.

“It’s okay.” She soothed, squeezing him. “It’s okay.” A new wave of sobs took over his chest, and when his knees gave out, they both slowly sank to the floor.

“I thought you were going to take him away.” She made out the words through his struggling breaths. “I thought I’d lost you both.”

“Maybe you should go back to your parents.” Rey suggested once the tears had subsided. He nodded into her neck. It wouldn’t be good for Rian to see his father in such an emotionally fragile state. “I’ll speak to Rian, see if he wants to go back or not.”

Once Ben had calmed, they picked themselves off the floor. “Thank you.” His voice was small and she gave him a small smile in return, and it felt right. The comfort, like they were a team.

“I’ll call you about what he wants to do. Now go update your folks.” Ben nodded and she wasn’t sure what made her do it, but she pushed herself up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek before turning and quickly making her way back to Rian.

Closing the door as she got back to Rian’s hospital room, Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“I went with red.” Rian announced when she looked up to find a doctor carefully prepping the cast materials. “It’s Ben’s favourite color.” He beamed.

“Is it now?” She raised an eyebrow, as if it was new information to her despite Rian telling her several times before and even changing his own favourite from blue to bright red a few weeks before to match his father’s.

She sat on the edge of the bed, listening to all of the doctor’s instruction on cast care and then watching their hands work, slowly and carefully, examining and wrapping her sons’ arm.

“You have been so brave today.” Rey said, nudging Rian’s shoulder before apologising and looking at the doctor who frowned at the sudden movement.

“It’s nothing.” Rian shrugged, again, annoying the doctor who tugged Rian’s elbow to keep it in place.

“It’s not nothing!” Rey gasped. “This kind of bravery deserves a reward. How about…” She pressed her finger to the corner of her mouth as if she was thinking. “You get to pick what take out we get for dinner, and you can have two – no – _three_ different starters!” She expected him to be excited at the prospect of food, but she watched as her son’s expression morphed from confusion to sadness.

“Are… Am I not allowed at Thanksgiving anymore?” His lower lips pouted out, he looked on the verge of crying, and Rey swore she could see Ben Solo.

“Of course, you’re allowed! I just thought you might want to go home-”

“Is Ben angry with me?”

“Oh, Rian.” Her heart swelled at his sad words. “No-one is mad. This was just an accident. It wasn’t your fault.”

Rian frowned, his eyebrows scrunching up in distrust, a habit she knew he had picked up from her. He didn’t believe her. “You… you aren’t mad at Ben?”

“No.”

“Even though he let go of the ladder?”

She wanted to pull him into her arms, but settled on stroking his hair. “Ben had a bad memory. It wasn’t his fault either.”

“So… I’m still allowed to see him?” It was so odd, having to deal with two different boys and their fears, yet she was able to comfort them in the same way. Squeezing her body as close as she could to his without disturbing the doctor, she hugged him.

“I’m not going to stop Ben from being your Dad.” She poked his arm, trying to force him to look at her, but he kept staring as the doctor wet the red bandage and started to wrap it over the white padding that already covered his forearm and hand. “It was an accident, and he feels really bad about it.” Rey said softly.

His silence was expected. Her little boy could easily get lost in his moods, Rey mused.

“Hey, can you wiggle your thumb in that thing?” She teased, and the distraction worked as she watched Rian slowly bend his thumb as much as possible around the bandage.

“Not really.” He frowned at the offending digit. “Can I still play soccer, doctor?”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t advise it.” While Rey didn’t appreciate the young doctor’s attitude, she did feel slightly sorry for him having drawn the short straw and having to work the holiday. Still, it was no excuse for rudeness.

“We’ll talk to your coach.” Rey said, compromising.

They watched again in silence as the red bandage was wound carefully around his thumb, cut to fit perfectly, before going back down his arm.

“When can I eat? I’m starving.”

“Soon.” Rey said, ruffled his hair. “Not much longer and then Han and Leia’s is only a short drive.”

“Good. I want turkey. And pumpkin pie. And rocky road. Plus Han said they watch the parade and I’ve never seen it.”

“You’ve missed the parade.” The doctor said, matter-of-factly, which earned him a glare from Rey before she looked back down at her son.

“Are you sure you want to go back?” Rian nodded and Rey tried not to sigh as she pulled out her phone. She was emotionally drained, and spending the rest of the day around Ben and his parents, having to smile and pretend she was happy with their new normal sounded exhausting. But this wasn’t about her. Rian wanted Thanksgiving, Rian deserved a Thanksgiving, so she steeled herself and started to text Ben.

_We’re coming back, if thats ok? Can u let Leia no? Should be about an hour._

Her phone made a whooshing noise and she watched as the message was delivered and read almost immediately. Three dots appeared and it seemed like Ben was typing for an extremely long time before his message was sent.

_That is great news. Of course, you are both still more than welcome. I have told Han and Leia, and they are thrilled. Is there anything else you need? We will see you soon. Regards, Ben._

Rey smiled at the overly formal message before remembering and quickly typing out another text.

_Can u record the parade? Rian wants 2 watch it with Han. Thnkx!_

_That won’t be a problem at all. See you soon. Regards, Ben._

And then just for fun, Rey went through her emojis and found every one that related to Thanksgiving and sent them to Ben, knowing that he would find the small images confusing and taking joy out of that.

\-----

Despite the broken bones, Rian got the Thanksgiving he had always dreamed of. Or so he kept telling everyone, and after his third helping of pumpkin pie, he had fallen asleep on the sofa next to Han as he watched a football game between two big teams Rey didn’t pay attention to. Or maybe it was because of the pain killers, Rey wondered as she put a blanket carefully over his bright red cast.

Which left her, Leia and Ben in the kitchen, slowly tidying up the mess from dinner and covering up plates of left-over food for later.

“I was so angry at Han.” Leia said casually, making Ben groan.

“Mom.”

“I’m just saying! Luckily your nose healed fine, otherwise I probably would have divorced him.” Leia shrugged as she finished telling the story of the time Han let Ben climb the biggest tree in their yard and a branch snapped, making Ben fall and smack his face on a lower limb, breaking his nose. “I think Rey is being very courteous.”

“I’m really not.” Rey tried to insist. She knew how sensitive the issue was to Ben and didn’t want to cause him anymore worry because of his mother’s jests.

“You inherited your father’s nose already, poor thing.” Leia continued, ignoring Rey. “Luckily you grew into it.”

Rey hid her frown as she covered a plate of stuffing with cellophane. She liked Ben’s nose.

“Mom.” The voice was almost a growl now and Rey threw him a sympathetic look.

“I’ll need to buy some Sharpies.” Rey said, changing the subject. “He wants all his friends to sign it.”

“Oh, I’m sure I have some laying about.” Leia insisted, opening random draws on the search for one, and Rey took her distraction as an opportunity to check on Ben. After putting the stuffing in the fridge, she purposefully brushed past him, letting her hand linger on his elbow.

“You okay?” She mouthed, her neck craning to look up at him. He gave her a small smile and nodded, appreciating her care. She smiled back, rubbing his arm affectionally before stepping back and grabbing another plate of food that needed to be put away.

It felt so normal, so natural, to care for Ben. And it surprised her. So later than night, when everyone had gone to bed and she found herself outside Ben’s bedroom door, she told herself it was just because they were friends and friends checked in on one another. But another, much more steady voice questioned if that was her only intention.

“Rey?” He was surprised to find her standing on the other side of the door, but schooled his shock quickly, holding out his arm and letting her step inside.

“Sorry, I know its late, but…” She ran her hand over her mouth, letting it rest on her chin as she continued. “It’s been a really long day and I wanted to check how you were doing.”

He stood silent for a moment, as if he was stunned that she would take the time to seek him out and check on his feelings. “I’m tired. A little emotional. But I’m hanging in there.”

She nodded. “What you said earlier-”

“I was a mess earlier, I can’t even remember half the things I said.”

She pressed on, feeling a great need to tell him what she was going to say. “You have to know, Ben, that I wouldn’t use your PTSD against you in the hopes of keeping Rian to myself.” She watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed, his throat thick with emotion that he couldn’t speak. “When Amilyn suggested it, I was disgusted with myself for even contemplating it, but it wouldn’t be fair for Rian or you. You are a good man, Ben Solo.”

“I still hurt him today.”

“Accidents happen. He once burnt his arm when he was kid because I left the kettle too close to the edge of the stove. I dare you to find a parent who hasn’t accidently done something that meant their kid got hurt.”

“He broke his wrist, Rey.” Ben sounded desperate, his hands coming up to cover his face, but she refused to let him pity himself, stepping forward and grabbing his hands and pulling them down between them.

“Kids break bones. Every week it seems like a new kid in his class has broken their arm or foot or something. And it will be all healed in twelve weeks.”

“You say that as if it’s nothing. I’ve only been in Rian’s life for that long.” Rey blinked. She hadn’t thought of it like that. Somehow it felt like Ben had been in their life for much longer than three months, as yet, as she did the maths, it had only been twelve weeks. Her mouth formed a little ‘o’ as she struggled to remember what it was like before him.

“And look how happy he is.” She hated to admit it, but she had never seen her son as excited and talkative around others as he had been today. He was confident, and smart, and so clearly adored being part of a normal family, it almost pained her that she had made him go through ten years of Thanksgivings hanging out in the garage as she fixed cars before having take away Thai food in their little apartment alone. “He loves you, Ben. He’s so glad to have you in his life.” She wasn’t lying as her fingers stroked his hands, her gaze focused on the lines that marked his palms as she smiled softly to herself. “And so am I.”

“You… you’re glad to have me in his life?”

“Is that what I said?” She teased, bringing his hands up towards her face, pressing her lips into the creamy skin. “Or am I glad you’re in my life, Ben?”

The whimper he made as she moved his hand to cradle her face almost made her stop. Had she gone too far? Was she making a mistake?

“I came here because I thought friends checked up on one another, and I wanted to be a good friend for you.” Ben’s eyes were filled with confusion, his mouth pressed together in a thin line as she continued to speak. “But I don’t want to be friends anymore.” She whispered, her eyes practically twinkling as she cupped his hand close. “Tell me to stop, tell me I’m wrong. I know you said co-parents, for Rian’s sake, but…” She closed her eyes, unable to cope with the way he was gazing down at her, as if she was unbelievable. “But for our sake, don’t we deserve to give this a chance?”

His hands cupped her face tightly, moving it up so his mouth could crash down on hers. It was bruising, desperate, rushed, everything she needed it to be as her hands fell to her side.

When he pulled away, she could feel him smiling before she opened her eyes.

“Are you sure?” His grin was almost goofy, all teeth and dimples, it made him look five years younger.

Nodding, she couldn’t help but match his expression. “I think I am. Are you?”

Ben laughed, a deep and breathy noise as his thumb stroked her cheek delicately, his eyes tracing the small action as if he was signing the most important document in the world. “Rey Johnson, you are the most frustrating, and blind, and kind-hearted, and most amazing woman I have ever met. Of course I want to give us a chance.”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief, his words having her worried for a moment. “No promises though. If this doesn’t work out-”

“I have no doubt this won’t work. I refuse to let us not work.” Ben laughed, ushering her head back to his for another kiss. “That is my promise.”

“I don’t do promises.” Rey reminded him with a laugh as he peppered her face with kisses, one hand lost in her hair as the other trailed down her back, holding her as close to him as he could.

“Hmmm.” He mumbled into the skin of her neck. “We’ll have to find a new word. My covenant?”

“You’re crazy.” Her hands were under his shirt, tugging on the ends as they stepped closer to the bed.

“My vow?”

Rey cringed. “That’s a little intense.”

Ben shrugged. “Maybe one day.” Rey couldn’t help but throw her head back at his sudden cockiness. “My pledge?”

“Am I some kind of royalty?”

He ignored her and kept offering suggestions. “My honor?” He said as his hands tugged her shirt over her head.

“Don’t I already have that?” She teased, which earned her a growl as Ben’s head dipped lower and began to kiss a line over her breasts. “How about a bond?”

Ben paused, mulling the phrase over in his head. “My bond to you. That is my bond…” It sounded weird, but she liked the shape his mouth made as he tested it out.

“It’s silly. Pretend I didn’t say it-”

“No. I like it.” He insisted. “Rey, I will do any and everything I can to be a loving father to Rian and a perfect partner to you. That is my bond to you.”

His eyes sparkled in the dimly lit room, the moonlight that shone through the window making his creamy skin look like marble. She truly was in awe of him, as her hand traced a line down his chest, her fingertips brushing over every surface she could find with a fascination she no longer wanted to contain.

“You are beautiful, Ben.” She whispered, her hands dipping low to his waist. “I cannot begin to apologise for all the confusion and shitty communication-”

His hands cradled both sides of her face and looked her in the eyes, silencing her with that intensity of his gaze.

“There is nothing to apologise for.”

“If I hurt you…” She hated the way tears collected in the corner of her eyes, but Ben just kissed them away as if it was the easiest, most natural action in the world. And it was. She felt safe and utterly secure with him holding her head in both hands. And suddenly the guilt lifted, because if he didn’t care, if he was willing to let go of their past frustrations and miscommunications, then she was as well. “I’ve been so blind.”

“We both have.” He was devouring her skin now, his lips taking advantage of being able to kiss and suck and nip at her neck without fear anymore. “That can be your bond, Rey.”

Throwing her head back, all she wanted was to be wrapped up in him, to be safe forever in his arms.

“What can?” She asked, dazed.

“To talk to me. To let me in.” She moaned as his lips brushed her collar bone, his hair tickling her neck in the process. “Whatever you say, I swear it won’t scare me away.”

She was nodding before the words could register, but when they did, the tears came flooding back. It was a deep fear she had never fully understood until that moment, that she might say something, share something, with someone she loved and they abandon her because it was too messy or too much trouble for them. It was why she never shared the problems she had with Rian as a child with her friends, knowing they might not really be interested in her boring parental life. It was why she listen so eagerly to their advice, worrying that if she disagreed, they might leave her, and then she would be alone with her problems all over again.

“Do you really mean that?” She hated the way her voice sounded so quiet, her eyes wide and full of fear.

“Nothing you could do or say will stop me from feeling the way I do about you.” Ben admitted, and it was all she needed. Her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him down on top of her, her hands were in his hair, tugging on the long soft strands to pull him deeper and deeper into her kiss.

“I feel it too.” She admitted when they panted for air, shaking with want. *****

 ***** Their nerves made everything more urgent, more electric, as their hands continued to explore one another’s bodies. Her hands dug into the meat of his thighs as she lowered herself down the bed, her mouth kissing each scar she found with a gentleness she didn’t know she could possess that late at night in the dark. But she needed him to know that she accepted him, all of him, even the bits he hated about himself. So when he covered his mouth, peering down at her in awe as she pressed her lips delicately to the angry jiggered scars below his belly button before dipping lower, she knew she would do anything for this man to prove he was worthy of the affection he so clearly didn’t think he deserved.

She took him in her mouth with a renewed purpose, and his muffled curses as she started return all the kisses and sucks and attention he paid her neck earlier. It didn’t take long before he was pulling her up the bed, utilizing the strength he had to flip them over so he was hovering above her, his eyes full of wonder as he captured her mouth again in another searing kiss.

She swallowed thickly, as Ben gave her a small nod, asking of permission, confirmation, acceptance… She would give him it all, but her throat was tight, her chest full of emotion, and all she could manage was a small nod back.

He slowly eased himself into her, moving inch by inch until he was deeply seated inside her, making her groan at the fullness, the glorious pressure, just how overwhelming he was. And it seemed he was also struggling to keep quiet as she looked up at his almost pained expression. Her hands found his neck, his shoulders, pulling him down so a slow kiss as they revelled in the pleasure of being together again.

“Shush.” She reminded him, almost giggling as she whispered into his mouth. “Your parents are next door.” Ben groaned at the thought, which only made her laugh more at the idea of them acting like naughty teenagers, and as punishment, Ben pulled out and thrust back in, moving her body up the bed and making her give a guttural moan at the stimulation.

“You shush.” He challenged, before they got lost in themselves again, their bodies moving together, working together, until they were both wound so tight Rey was sure she would break at any moment.

“Ben, please.” She whined near his ear, pulling him close so their chests were flush, she needed to feel all of him, taking comfort in almost being suffocated by his weight. “Please, don’t stop.”

Their pace increased, knowing they were both close, and she felt the familiar muscles tightening as her orgasm built and built.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop.” She kept repeating, although she knew he was too far gone to do anything else but thrust into her, yet she couldn’t stop herself from begging. And then his hips pressed deep, his pubic bone ground at just the right angle, and she was gone.

Her body spasmed, her stomach clenching and her arms wrapping tightly around him to help her stay afloat as she drowned in pleasure. She could feel her walls squeezing him, the same way her arms did. He kept moving, only a few more times, until his hips slammed and shuttered, his breathing turning into gasps as he buried his head in her neck, groaning as he followed her and came.

He spun them over a few minutes later, once Rey’s toes had uncurled and his body didn’t intermittently shudder anymore, so she was splayed out on his chest, her hand drawing little patterns over his pec muscles.

“That was…” Ben breathed out a long stream of air, unable to find the right word.

“I think we’re almost _too_ good at it.” Rey teased.

“That’s why you keep coming back, right?” Ben said, his tone matching hers as he took a strand of her hair that had fallen in her face and tucked it behind her ear.

“Yep. Not the kind and caring and funny man, just the penis.” Ben laughed underneath her, making her body rock as his chest moved.

“Please don’t say penis while my penis is still inside you.”

“What’s wrong with penis?”

“Nothing. I don’t know. It… it feels weird.” She didn’t really understand his logic, but she accepted it, adjusting themselves so she turned around in his arms and he was spooned around her.

“Is this better?” She asked, earning her a kiss on her temple before he replied.

“Much.”

“Good.” Rey couldn’t help it, something about being around him like this made her feel free, made her feel younger. Perhaps it was because she was happy, she mused before opening her mouth and whispering. “Penis.”

Ben groaned and she had to hide her face in the duvet to stop from laughing out loud.

“Go to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”

“Okay.” The giddiness died down and she let her head fall heavy on the pillow and letting the exhaustion from the day finally take over but still unable to sleep. “Ben?” She said into the dark room, the urge to tell him something more serious taking over.

“Hmm?” His reply was a low rumble.

She paused, her insecurities running through her head and making her question herself. “Nothing. Goodnight, Ben.”

“Goodnight, Rey.” He muttered, already half asleep, and with her curled up in his arms, she quickly followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter to go! I can't believe its almost over. I hope you liked this update, it was a long time coming. I'd love to know your thoughts, so please let me know below! And I can promise, its smooth sailing from now on :-) 
> 
> Please don't forget to comment and kudos! And feel free to follow me on [social media](https://il.ink/LadyReylo) I tweet Reylo stuff sometimes.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

The loud knocking woke her up, and she realised a few seconds too late that whoever was on the other side of the door was only a moment away from opening it and revealing that Ben wasn’t alone.

Panicked, Rey did the only thing she could think of and tugged at the bed sheets, hiding pathetically under them at the exact moment Leia turned the handle and came inside.

“Ben, it’s almost-” Rey heard the words die on the older woman’s lips as she clearly noticed the extra body in her son’s bed. Cringing, Rey held still, hoping Leia might pretend she hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary.

“Oh. Good morning, Rey. I apologise, I didn’t realise Ben had company.” Despite how quickly Leia recovered, it was clear that her words were said with a frown on her face. Rey sighed, knowing that Leia was a strong woman who wasn’t afraid to show her disapproval, and began to slowly pull the sheets from off her head and started to slip out of bed, carefully wrapping a blanket around herself as she did so.

“Morning.” She said sheepishly, throwing an awkward smile at the mother and son. “Sorry. I’ll just-” She started to make her way out of the room, being careful to scoot around Leia who had now stepped inside, her arms crossed, and a look of disappointment that made Rey’s heart sink etched deep on her face as she looked at her son. “Sorry.” Rey muttered as she bent down to collect her discarded clothes, holding them close to her chest before hurrying down the hallway and retreating to her room.

She swore as she shut the door behind her, before breaking out into a fit of giggles. She was thirty-two years old, she told herself, trying to calm her hysterics, and yet she felt like a teenager having just been caught in a boy’s room.

She quickly showered and got dressed, not knowing how she would find the confidence to go downstairs and face Leia and Han, she already cared too much about their opinion of her. What must they think of her now? Yet she couldn’t help but be grateful that she wouldn’t be alone with her embarrassment.

As she washed the scent of Ben from her hair, she could only thank her lucky stars that it wasn’t her that was currently getting told off.

\-----

Ben was waiting in her room when she got out of the shower, his own hair damp. She gave a weak smile and tried to surpass a laugh.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” He stood up from where he was perched on the end of her bed.

“So, I think your Mum might know about us.” Ben smirked at her joke, his hand running through his hair as he let out a small chuckle.

“I think you’re right.”

“Oh god, what did she say? Does she hate me now?” She groaned.

“Why would she hate you?” Ben seemed surprised at her comment.

“Because I’m an irresponsible mother who sleeps with completely inappropriate men?” She supplied.

Ben’s jaw worked as he thought over her words, before he sat back down and motioned her to join him. “She was concerned.” He admitted. “She knows the situation between us in complex and she wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing, and that I wasn’t going to hurt you or Rian.”

“What did you tell her?” She wished she wasn’t looking at him with wide eyes, begging him to remember what they agreed last night, hoping they hadn’t already ruined their chance.

“I told her I would be careful, that I would only be with someone if I had one hundred percent faith in it and was completely, and unequivocally in love with them.” Rey didn’t realise she was holding her breath until she felt her chest squeeze. “And then I told her that I planned to be with you for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Yes, Ben…” The words were more of a breath than anything else as she absorbed what he had just told her. Her hand came up to stroke the side of his face, noting the slight stubble that peppered his chin as her thumb dragged across it. “I want you to be with me. I want to be with _you_.” The smile that slowly spread over his face and lit up his face felt like coming home. Closing the gap between them, she captured his mouth with hers before breaking apart and pressing her forehead to his.

“I love you, Rey Johnson.” His lips couldn’t stay together, a goofy grin not letting up as his hand stroked the back of her neck.

“I love you too, Ben Solo.” She admitted, unable to do anything but smile as well, her lips hovering over his as she spoke before he crashed into her, their tongues done with talking.

“Ben!” She cried out when they fell back onto the bed, and he paused, looking down at her with wide eyes. “Breakfast.” She reminded him and he apologised, quickly scrambling off of her and offering a hand to help her stand.

“What do you want to do?” He sounded hesitant, like he was worried about what her answer would be, and she would have laughed at his uncertainty considering what they had just admitted to one another, if they hadn’t already been through so much confusion and misunderstanding between them already.

“I want to go down to breakfast holding your hand, and I want to tell our son that his parents are dating.” Rey blushed, remembering earlier. “And I want to apologise to your mother. Privately.”

“Don’t bother. She was pissed off with me, but it was obvious she was overjoyed at the idea of us actually being a couple.” Ben said, rolling his eyes.

“Still. This is their home, I shouldn’t have- it was rude of us to- you know.”

“Have sex in my childhood bedroom?” Ben finished with a quirked eyebrow and her blush deepened.

“Stop it.” She brushed past him, heading out of the room and downstairs. “You don’t think Rian will freak out, do you?”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t know. But he’s a smart, strong boy, and if he doesn’t like it, we’ll figure out how to handle it.”

“I’ve never introduced him to anyone I’m dating before.” Rey admitted. “I’ve never _dated_ before.”

“You’ll be fine. And I think I can win him over.” Ben smirked, that laid back confidence that he always managed to surprise her with appearing from nowhere.

“Ready?” She asked looking up to Ben’s warm soft eyes as they stopped just outside the kitchen. She could already hear Han and Rian talking about what the biggest plane Han flew was.

Ben bent his head down, his hand holding her chin lightly before capturing her mouth in a brief kiss that somehow erased all her fears.

“For you? Always.” His hand grasped hers, squeezing it tightly before walking through the kitchen door, greeting his parents with a small nod of his head before smiling widely at his son. Rey tried not to feel too nervous as he held her hand firmly and guided them around the kitchen island.

“How’s your arm, buddy?” Rey called out to Rian, her cheeks burning at the way Han and Leia were exchanging looks at their small but clear declaration of affection.

“Me and grandad are going to make a cover from some old tarp so I can shower.” He said proudly, his excitement at making something with Han clear.

“I said they could just tape a plastic bag around it…” Leia said slowly as she placed a bowl of scrambled eggs on the table. There was a slight flicker over her face, as if she was worried about this development, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared.

“And risk it tearing? No, my grandson needs something that will last the full six weeks.” Han announced, overruling Leia. Rey was about to thank him when he caught her eye, winking quickly before going back to his conversation with Rian.

“Coffee?” Rey nodded, wondering if she should let go of Ben’s hand now, but his grip stayed strong as he skilfully poured two cups and handed one to her. “Hey, Rian?” Ben said after his first sip. His son’s head shot up and he finally noticed how his parents were standing next to each other, their fingers interlaced. “Your mother and I are going to start dating.” Ben said, and Rey had to hide her shock at how blunt he was being. “How do you feel about that?”

Rian just shrugged. “That’s cool, I guess.”

Was that it? Did he not understand what Ben had just said? Rey didn’t want her son to be upset or angry but… she expected a bit more of a reaction.

“So that means you might see more of him at the flat and at weekends.” Rey pressed carefully.

“Yeah.” Rian nodded, helping himself to more bacon from a plate in the middle of the table.

“And you’ll still have your days with Ben, but I’ll have some days with him too. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” Rian repeated before helping himself to eggs. “I think it’s cool that my Mom and Dad are together.” She felt Ben stiffen beside her, heard his sharp intake of breath. Dad. It was the first time Rian had ever called him that, and her heart expanded for Ben, knowing how important that small word meant to him. She looked up to find his gobsmacked, his jaw slack, his eyes a little misty and she squeezed his hand supportively.

“Just don’t make out in front of me.” Rian added, breaking them both out of the moment and making Han laugh.

“Can I second that?” The older man said with a lopsided smirk.

“I think we can manage that.” Rey said, leading Ben to the table and sitting down. “This all looks amazing, Leia. Thank you.” She commented, taking in the assortment of breakfast items spread across the table.

They all tucked in and Rey was struck with how natural this felt. She had given up the hope of finding a family long ago, embracing her role as a mother in her duo with Rian as the only family she would have, but now, sitting around the large table, listening as everyone discussed the day’s activities between mouthfuls, making jokes together, she couldn’t help the emotion swell in her chest. Eleven years ago, she adopted a baby boy into her life, and now, her and her little boy had been welcomed into a new family.

“You okay?” Ben leaned over and asked quietly, his hand once again holding hers under the table.

“Yes.” She beamed, feeling the warmth of the moment take over her whole body. “I couldn’t be happier.”

His eyes scanned her face, as if he couldn’t get enough of seeing her like that, and quickly pressed his mouth to hers in a fleeting but tender kiss.

“Gross!” Rian’s disgust interrupted them, and they broke apart with matching blushes.

“Sorry!” Rey said, watching her son cover his eyes.

“I’m not.” Ben announced, his large hand cupping the back of her neck and pulling her mouth towards him for another kiss.

“Dad!” Rian groaned while Han and Leia laughed, but Rey could barely hear it, lost in the beautiful smile that broke across Ben’s face.

\-----

Nine months later

Rian wasn’t allowed in the room. They had said it was best, that it made it easier to not have a child around that could be overwhelmed or confused with the legal jargon or the tedious paperwork, especially something that affected him as much as this did.

It felt like she had been sat in there for hours before the judge entered, staring at the boring walls, devoid of any personality, the only colourful image present was one that explained the fire evacuation procedures, but in reality it had only been five minutes. Her knee was bouncing, her nerves obvious, and she was grateful for Ben when he reached across the uncomfortable chairs and held her hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

“You okay?” He asked, his voice low and thoughtful, even though she knew he was as anxious as she was.

She nodded. “Yeah. You?”

“Yes. I’m glad you’re here.” Ben exhaled slowly, his other hand running through his hair before moving down to loosen his tie slightly.

“Ben, Miss Johnson, sorry to keep you waiting.” Judge Calrissian said as he entered the room and settled behind his desk. He was a friendly sort of man, Leia had said he was an old friend which had put Rey at ease somewhat, but it didn’t completely make the nerves vanish.

“Thank you, Judge.” Ben said, leaning forward in his chair and handing over the folder.

“I used to watch your diaper being changed, Ben, I think you can call me Lando.” Rey watched as Ben blushed and shifted embarrassed in his seat. He silently looked over the paperwork, his eyes scanning it and humming as he reached certain lines. Rey could only hear her heart beating in her ears, she knew everything was in order, she knew it was all okay, but it didn’t stop her heart from clenching when the older man looked up at them over his reading glasses. “I think everything looks in order here.”

Rey let out a sigh of relief and in the corner of her eye she watched Ben collapse back into his chair.

“I just need your signatures.” They both nodded, taking turns to sign their names before Lando turned the documents back to himself and doing the same. “There we go.” Lando said, a twinkle in his eye. “Congratulations Daddy.” And just like that it was done.

“It’s a boy.” Rey teased, feeling more relaxed as she stood on still shaky legs. Ben let out a small chuckle, tugging her close and brushing their lips together.

“Thank you, Rey.” He pressed his forehead to hers, taking a moment to compose himself. “I… I can’t…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to-” She kissed him again, an achingly slow and sweet kiss where she tried to show him all her love for him through it. The broke apart, slightly breathless. “Wanna go tell him?”

There weren’t enough chairs in the courthouse lobby, so Rian and Leia were seated while Han stood, meaning he was the first to see them coming, a rugged smile spreading over his face.

“All good?” Han asked, the pride he had for his son was clear in his eyes.

Ben nodded and Leia clasped her hand over her mouth, holding back a sob.

“Rian?” The boy stood up, and despite his recent growth spurt, he had to crane his neck up too look at Ben. “You sure you still want me as your dad?” Soft honey brown eyes met, and suddenly the pre-teen lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Ben’s waist and burying his head into his chest, and Rey got to witness the complete relief and joy that filled Ben as he loving embraced his son and bent his head to place a kiss on the crown of the young boy’s head. “Happy birthday, kiddo.”

Leia was even trying to hold back her tears now as she watched her son and grandson hug, leaving Han to squeeze his wife’s shoulder in comfort.

“I’ve never heard of a kid wanting to be adopted for their birthday before. Usually it’s the latest Game Boy they want.” Han said with a lopsided smirk as they made their way out of the courthouse and back to their cars. Rey had suggested the newly adopted father and son drive back home together.

“Shush, I think it’s lovely.” Leia swotted Han playfully.

“Oh, he’s got a new PS5 waiting at home as well.” Rey said, rolling her eyes at how spoilt her son now was. “We told him it wasn’t necessary, but once he’d made up his mind…”

“Solo boys can be so stubborn.” Leia finished for her.

“And I knew Ben secretly wanted it as well.” Rey admitted. “He’d never tell Rian and put that pressure on him, but…” Rey sighed, thinking of the sad look that always crossed Ben’s face when Rey filled out paperwork for Rian, or how the doctors at the hospital wouldn’t speak to him when Rian had his cast taken off and Rey had to rush from work, apologising that she hadn’t thought it would be a problem because Ben was, well, his biological father. “I could tell he was struggling with not legally being Rian’s dad.”

“I’ll never forgive Bazine for not putting his name on that damned certificate.” Leia huffed, and Rey chose to keep her mouth shut. The usually kind Governor rarely spoke of Rian’s birth mother, but when she did, her distain was clear. Ben had only spoken to his ex once since the fiasco last year at the garage, and while Rey didn’t want to be any part of that conversation, she knew Ben had explained the circumstances more clearly, absolving her of guilt, and then kindly asking her not to contact any of them ever again in exchange for giving her anonymity for when the story eventually hit the newspapers. Something she agreed to; it turned out her husband and new family weren’t aware of her previous child and the adoption, so it was a win-win.

Rey tensed. She knew they would eventually have to make a press release about Ben and Rian and her, but they wanted to leave it as far in the future as possible, and while all their friends and family hadn’t leaked the juicy “war hero returns to find son adopted and falls in love with adoptive mother” story, she knew it was only a matter of time before a soccer mom or school kid said the wrong thing to the wrong person and they were outed. So they had decided to wait until they were married - if they ever got married - Rey corrected herself mentally. Leia had already assured them she would get them a brilliant journalist who would make the story magical, with the perfect happy ending.

The concept seemed almost unbelievable to Rey, but in the year she had known Ben Solo, he had completely changed her feelings on everything she had thought possible. The idea of marrying someone, of someone else parenting her child, of finding a family… she would have laughed a year ago, but now it seemed as normal and natural as waking up.

They pulled into the driveway of Ben’s home, and as she started to follow Han up the front path, he paused, forcing her to stop and look up at the older man curiously.

Han, he had been another total surprise to Rey. The once apparently gruff exterior had melted away with her, and after many conversations about cars and mechanics, she had come to see him as the father figure she never had. And she knew he thought of her as a daughter, with a constant look of pride in his eyes around her.

“I think you should wait here.” He said mysteriously, looking just over and beyond her shoulder, making her turn around to see Ben and Rian waiting on the lawn nervously.

“Han…” Her chest felt tight.

“Get over there, kiddo. I’ll see you inside.”

Gingerly, she turned and began walking towards the two most important men in her life.

“Rey.” Ben began when she stood in front of them, looking down at Rian one last time before he began to kneel. “Last year I was lost, I was alone, I had no direction, I was mourning for a life I could never have.” Her heart swelled and she wanted to get on her knees and hold his hands but she resisted the urge, letting him continue.

“But now I know why; I was lost for you to find. You and Rian are amazing, and I am so lucky you both accepted me into your lives, because every day from the moment I met you, you have made my life better. I love you. I probably fell in love with you that first day.” He chuckled to himself, and Rey cringed, remembering how horrible she had been.

He ran a hand through his hair before speaking again. “You have both given me what I never thought I would have the chance to have - a supportive partner, a wonderful son, and now, if you’ll allow me, a loving wife.” She couldn’t move, her eyes searching his face, knowing he was serious and yet not able to believe it. “Rian?” Ben asked, and she watched speechless as her son handed a small jewellery box to his father which he gratefully accepted. “Thanks.” Ben cleared his throat as his large fingers shakily but carefully opened the little hinge, revealing a diamond ring. “I love you Rey Johnson, will you marry me?”

She was nodding before he even finished asking the question.

“I love you too, Ben.” She laughed wetly, not realising tears had already gathered in her eyes. “Of course, I will!”

He stood up immediately, swooping her up in his arms and spinning her around on the lawn as if she weighed nothing, before putting her down slowly, their bodies still pressed together, and capturing her mouth with his.

“Thank you, Rey.” Ben whispered, his hand still lingering on the back of her neck, their foreheads pressed together, the ring forgotten.

“I should be thanking you.” She breathed, her eyes soaking in his smile. “For making me happier than I ever thought I could be.” They kissed again, earning them a groan from their son. “And you!” Rey said, breaking away from Ben to point at Rian. “How long have you been keeping this a secret?”

“It was my birthday present.” He said, suddenly sheepish.

“What do you mean?” The small line between her brows appeared as she looked between her son and her fiancé.

“He, er, when he asked for me to legally be his father… He meant in every way.”

“Oh.” Rey blinked, stunned. “And you were okay with that?”

“Rey, I have thought about proposing every single day since we’ve been together. I was just waiting for Rian’s blessing.” Ben chuckled. “Now, shall we see if this fits?”

Ben slipped the ring on her wedding finger, testing the fit as he ran his finger over the diamond.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s stunning.” She breathed.

“It was my grandmother’s.” Ben explained. “The band was a bit thin and old, but Rian helped me pick a new one.”

“I love it.” Rey took a step back, holding her hands out to both boys before pulling them into a hug. “Thank you both.” Pulling back, she was unable to stop smiling as she wiped the stray tears from her face.

“Should we… go inside?” Ben said, suddenly awkward at the prospect of seeing the friends and family that were waiting inside to celebrate Rian’s twelfth birthday. Rey looked up to see Han and Leia waiting at the open front door, both beaming with pride. She blushed, realising they had just witnessed their engagement, when she spotted Finn and Poe peering out of the front room window, Rose in tears next to them with Hux offering her a tissue supportively. Well, that certainly makes telling people easier, she thought with a sniff, unable to stop smiling.

“Yeah!” Rian said enthusiastically, letting go of his parent’s hands and rushing to the front door. His priorities in order as he ran to the food that waited there, leaving them to share a private moment together.

“You okay?” Ben asked, his voice low and tender. “You know, everything changes now.”

“Yeah.” Rey nodded, smiling up at him. “I’m okay.” She tugged at his arm, pulling him towards the sound of laugher coming from inside their home. “Now come on!”

Ben chuckled as he let himself be tugged up the garden path by her, excited to start the new life he had found with Rian and Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End
> 
> I can't believe this is finished! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. And please don't forget to comment and kudos! And feel free to follow me on [social media](https://il.ink/LadyReylo).


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